Advice Needing on Picking Bridesmaids

smileybridget

I am trying to pick my bridesmaids, but I really want to only pick friends that would actually like to be bridesmaids. I know it is a financial drain and I know my friends will say yes even if it is not ideal for them. Any ways to figure out if they want to be in it?

shoegal715

I made many bridesmaid mistakes. I have 4 bridesmaids, and 3 of them are the loves of my life - my sister and 2 wonderful childhood friends. The 4th girl is my fiance's brother's wife. I was her bridesmaid (and it was torterous), so I felt obligated to ask her. She is not a nice person, and she has been generally miserable and disruptive. I really wish I hadn't asked her. 

Also, I asked my girls WAYYYYY too early (that's how it's done where I'm from) so I've had to listen to two other friends say how upset and hurt they are that they aren't a bridesmaid. If I had waited 6 months later, it would have only been six months of awkwardness between these girls instead of a year. 

So my coles notes versions of advice:

1) wait 6 months - 1 year from your wedding date to even ask people 

2) think it over very carefully. don't pick someone you want to try to improve your relationship with. That's what I did. I thought if I asked my FSIL it would bring us closer, but it's only making me hate her more lol 

3) keep is small. I was in a wedding with 9 bridesmaids, and I thought the bride was going to explode "keeping track of all of the bridesmaids"

4) stick by your choices and don't let other friends make you feel guilty for not picking them

nackiejichole

2 Things I can tell you from experience:

WAIT! You may not think so but things change and people change and if you ask too soon you may be sorry. I know this is not always the case but it was for me and unfortunately I have regrets about who I chose to be in WP. I wish I had been on TK boards before I started planning because some of the ladies have some great advice on this and will tell you it is important to wait.

Do not ask anyone out of guilt. I also made this mistake and I am paying the price.

If I were you I would read some of the other posts on this subject to give you some perspective. Good Luck!

shoegal715

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_advice-needing-picking-bridesmaids-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b8963c00-ad08-4807-b3a2-365231942c3fPost:75ea0604-da4f-4389-a696-2c22823ceddb">Re: Advice Needing on Picking Bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]2 Things I can tell you from experience: WAIT! You may not think so but things change and people change and if you ask too soon you may be sorry. I know this is not always the case but it was for me and unfortunately I have regrets about who I chose to be in WP. I wish I had been on TK boards before I started planning because some of the ladies have some great advice on this and will tell you it is important to wait. Do not ask anyone out of guilt. I also made this mistake and I am paying the price. If I were you I would read some of the other posts on this subject to give you some perspective. Good Luck!
Posted by nackiejichole[/QUOTE]

<div>Sounds like we made the same mistakes. *HIGH FIVE*</div>

nackiejichole

::High Five:: My head is really hanging in shame. If it wasn't for reading TK boards on this matter I would have just been upset/feelings hurt/angry and probably told them to not bother being in the wedding anymore. I realize now I cannot do that without ME looking like the a-hole. So now I just wait for the wedding to be over so I don't have to deal with some of these people anymore. I don't know what your situation was Shoegal but I have dealt with some real BS! OP I cannot stress to you enough to really think this through and to wait before making this decision.

banana468

When are you getting married?

Don't pick based on who wants to be in the wedding.  Pick based on who YOU want to be in the wedding - and do so when your'e under a year away.

Also, while being a BM can be expensive, keep YOUR costs to them down by asking them in advance for their dress budgets (individually) and only requiring the dress purchase.  The rest comes out of their pockets IF they want to.