Wedding Party

giving the bridesmaids an option (long)

I have two girls who I love, one my cousin and one my really good friend. Both have accepted the offer to be BM's. When i first asked them back in July (I do realize this was a long time in advance) i told them the total cost of the dress and they said that was no problem. I also told them after picking the dress when David's Bridal recommended they be ordered and they said no later than October because they take awhile to come in. Itis now Nov 29 and they still have not ordered their dresses. I talked to them individually asking them  if i could help them pay for their dresses and they both declined my offer. I don't know if finances are an issue. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Is there a way of offering them an out if they no longer want to be in the wedding? I would like them to still be in it but after attempts at communication I am beginning to get worried. Or do I say nothing and just see if they show up? Thank you for your helpand advice.

Re: giving the bridesmaids an option (long)

  • There is (and was) no reason for them to order by October for a March wedding.  DB dresses take 8 weeks tops to arrive, and usually come in 6, so you need to chill out about it.  Just because they didn't buy the dress on YOUR timetable doesn't mean they don't want to be in the wedding.  How you can extrapolate that from this situation is beyond me.  They're grown-ups, if they no longer want to be in the wedding, they'll tell you.  And they won't want to be in the wedding if you keep "checking in" on them.  So long as they have the dress by the wedding, it should make no difference to you how long before the wedding they order.  This isn't something for you to manage, so don't try.

    I think you also need to stop reading so much into things.  They haven't ordered yet, they will by the wedding, they're clearly getting irritated with you.  This isn't a normal or proper thing for a bride to do, so take a step back.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giving-bridesmaids-option-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b89c582c-860f-42ac-99a6-a9bb9d04edcfPost:aaa52911-82a8-482b-8e1e-0ad83225f180">giving the bridesmaids an option (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have two girls who I love, one my cousin and one my really good friend. Both have accepted the offer to be BM's. When i first asked them back in July (I do realize this was a long time in advance) i told them the total cost of the dress and they said that was no problem. I also told them after picking the dress when David's Bridal recommended they be ordered and they said no later than October because they take awhile to come in. Itis now Nov 29 and they still have not ordered their dresses. I talked to them individually asking them  if i could help them pay for their dresses and they both declined my offer. I don't know if finances are an issue. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Is there a way of offering them an out if they no longer want to be in the wedding? I would like them to still be in it but after attempts at communication I am beginning to get worried. Or do I say nothing and just see if they show up? Thank you for your helpand advice.
    Posted by angelofmusic16[/QUOTE]
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giving-bridesmaids-option-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b89c582c-860f-42ac-99a6-a9bb9d04edcfPost:a1e82d80-776a-4617-9dab-f5def82da924">Re: giving the bridesmaids an option (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]The associate at DB wanted to make a sale.  Keep that in mind.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
    Yeah, they're a bunch of pushy broads, aren't they?
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • Treat your friends like the adults they are, and trust them to do what they've told you they'll do. 

    Also, treat the words of the SALES associate at DB like the sales associate she is.  Remember how she earns her money.  By convincing people to buy dresses.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giving-bridesmaids-option-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b89c582c-860f-42ac-99a6-a9bb9d04edcfPost:0bac0b7c-ca25-4d19-993b-8040106da48c">Re: giving the bridesmaids an option (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you feel like they won't have it in time, I suggest you talk to them and see if you can get them to tell you a for sure date. I am also one of those brides who have to have my numbers in order,4 on his side and 4 on mind.<strong> Therefore I need to know if they are not going to get their dress so they can be replaced.</strong> To each its own, if you can deal with allowing them to do it whenever, then that's great. If not, then it's not, you decide because it's your day and its ultimately your decision. Also you want them to have it early anyway, because you never know if they are going to need alterations. And sometimes that can take awhile.
    Posted by Karamel_bp[/QUOTE]
    What a lovely way to look at your close friends and family. 



  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giving-bridesmaids-option-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b89c582c-860f-42ac-99a6-a9bb9d04edcfPost:0bac0b7c-ca25-4d19-993b-8040106da48c">Re: giving the bridesmaids an option (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you feel like they won't have it in time, I suggest you talk to them and see if you can get them to tell you a for sure date. I am also one of those brides who have to have my numbers in order,4 on his side and 4 on mind. Therefore I need to know if they are not going to get their dress so they can be replaced. To each its own, if you can deal with allowing them to do it whenever, then that's great. If not, then it's not, you decide because it's your day and its ultimately your decision. Also you want them to have it early anyway, because you never know if they are going to need alterations. And sometimes that can take awhile.
    Posted by Karamel_bp[/QUOTE]

    Yes, yes. It's your day. You can do whatever rude and inconsiderate things you want to do in the months leading up to "your day".
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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  • It is ONE DAY.  I do not understand the concept of destroying friendships for ONE DAY.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giving-bridesmaids-option-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b89c582c-860f-42ac-99a6-a9bb9d04edcfPost:0bac0b7c-ca25-4d19-993b-8040106da48c">Re: giving the bridesmaids an option (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you feel like they won't have it in time, I suggest you talk to them and see if you can get them to tell you a for sure date. I am also one of those brides who have to have my numbers in order,4 on his side and 4 on mind. Therefore I need to know if they are not going to get their dress so they can be replaced. To each its own, if you can deal with allowing them to do it whenever, then that's great. If not, then it's not, you decide because it's your day and its ultimately your decision. Also you want them to have it early anyway, because you never know if they are going to need alterations. And sometimes that can take awhile.
    Posted by Karamel_bp[/QUOTE]

    Ew.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_giving-bridesmaids-option-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:b89c582c-860f-42ac-99a6-a9bb9d04edcfPost:0bac0b7c-ca25-4d19-993b-8040106da48c">Re: giving the bridesmaids an option (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you feel like they won't have it in time, I suggest you talk to them and see if you can get them to tell you a for sure date.<strong> I am also one of those brides who have to have my numbers in order,4 on his side and 4 on mind. Therefore I need to know if they are not going to get their dress so they can be replaced.</strong> To each its own, if you can deal with allowing them to do it whenever, then that's great. If not, then it's not, you decide because it's your day and its ultimately your decision. Also you want them to have it early anyway, because you never know if they are going to need alterations. And sometimes that can take awhile.
    Posted by Karamel_bp[/QUOTE]

    Wow, you're a peach, and by peach I mean a terrible friend. If you want to ensure 4 and 4 on each side just hire models. All you want your friends for is props anyway. NEWS FLASH! Uneven sides are ok. I'd love to find your friends and let them know how replaceable they are in your life. Remember, you need your friends throughout your marriage, not just for your big pretty princess day. Replacing people and kicking people out because they won't order a dress on your timeline is a sure way to lose friends.
    image
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