Potential BM told me she "might be pregnant by then" - - what to do?

futuremrsgates

I have always imagined having my best friend Ally as one of my bridesmaids, even though she moved away almost 10 years ago and is now married, living across the country and has a baby. I was her MOH. 

Now, I am not getting married for 15 months, but when I told her I was engaged and that we were looking at late Spring 2013, she goes "Oh fun! I'll probably already be pregnant or have another baby by then, but I can't wait!"

Should I go ahead and ask her to be a BM, just to give her a heads up? I would never ask her to step down if she got pregnant, I would just not want her to be 8 and a half months along and not able to come, or be uncomfortable standing up there. Advice? All I really want from her is to stand by my side - I honestly don't expect her to be constantly flying here for parties and whatnot.

omegosh

If you want her there, regardless of possible pregancies etc, then ask her.

Turns out, my matron of honor and one of my bridesmaids are pregant. AND due 5-6 days before my wedding. But, I'm not replacing them or upset at all - they're having BABIES!! So, I might have just 2 attendants, or 3, or all 4. If you really want her there, ask, and deal w/ it when/if it comes

graysquirrel

I would ask her. Who knows, she might not be pregnant at all during that time. It would be a shame to not have her standing with you because of something that could happen. If she ends up not being able to come, then that is her decision, but if you want her there then by all means ask.

futuremrsgates

I never had any intention of not asking her - just wondering when would be a good time cuz I know 15 months out is a bit early.

My real question was do I ask her NOW, or wait until the appropriate 8-9 month mark!

RaptorSLH

The standard advice is to wait until 6-9 months out from the wedding.  Be aware that the risk of asking too early is that if your relationship changes, you're SOL, because there's no good way to kick her out again.  I feel that, if you're confident enough in the longevity of the relationship, there's no harm done asking early, but then, who plans on friendships fading?

Since she brought up pregnancy, I think it's OK to address it when you ask her.  Just a simple statement, to let her know that if she is expecting, she should let you know if there's any accommodations you can make to help her.

kennazebrowsky

It sounds to me like she made a joke about it. But oh well if she is pregnant who cares? Pregnant people can be brides maids too! Besides your wedding is really fare away and I would not worry about anything excpept tings that you can do now- like a venue and maybe setting aside $ for other vendors if they will let you this far in advance (be careful if someone goes out of business you could be out your $ too).

raes19

Being pregnant or possibly getting pregnant shouldn't have any influence over when you ask her. You should wait at least a few months to ask anyone to be in your wedding party, but make sure everyone is asked around the same time, otherwise someone might feel like an afterthought. If your wedding will be in the spring of 2013, your best bet would be to wait until this spring or even summer to ask.

AurorasEnvy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_potential-bm-told-she-might-pregnant-then?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b98f46b4-8557-4b5f-aa1f-87767624301fPost:9b915f25-e623-438c-8542-c293fdea413e">Re: Potential BM told me she "might be pregnant by then" - - what to do?</a>:
[QUOTE] My real question was do I ask her NOW, or wait until the appropriate 8-9 month mark!
Posted by futuremrsgates[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I would do this!  Unless she gets pregnant right when you ask her, she'll probably already know whether she is going to be able to travel to your wedding or not, or be early enough in her pregnancy where it shouldn't pose a problem.  

</div>

spartybride3

My bridesmaid told me the same thing a few days before I got engaged, and then told me she is pregnant the other day! She will be 8 months pregnant at the time of the wedding & the only possible "problem" is waiting to order her dress since who knows how big she'll be the day of. But yea, I would wait until 6-9 months out and see how she feels about it should she be pregnant at the time. 

futuremrsgates

Yeah the only issue we might face is, if she's over six months pregnant at the time of the wedding, she can't fly and she lives 2,000 miles away. I would not ask her to drive it.