Can't choose my bridesmaids!!!! Help!

krohnl

I have many close friends, almost too many and it is making it difficult to choose my bridal party.  I thought about having just family as bridesmaids, but I want to have several of my friends with and around me the day of. Any suggestions are welcome.  Blessings to all brides-to-be!

aerinpegadrak

Why do you need to make the decision before Christmas?  What needs to be done now that it's so urgent?  If people pester you for an answer at Christmas, you can just say, "Oh, we haven't decided that quite yet."

Imagine that you had to cut down your wedding list to only include your WP.  Who could you not possibly imagine getting married without?  Ask those people.  The only consideration should be how close your relationship currently is--not what they can do for you, not childhood promises, not whose wedding you were in, not what the numbers look like, none of that.

And please don't make up silly pity positions.  I don't know what a registry attendant is, but I doubt it's something anyone would really want to do.

frogurt814

Paragraphs are your friend.

Please don't ask anyone to be an honorary attendant.  What is that any way?

What is a registry attendant?

Ask the people that are nearest and dearest to you.

Forget high school/grade school promises.

Being invited as a guest is an honor itself. 

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-choose-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bc9c744c-7259-404d-9efb-66922690302bPost:b1658a3b-fcd6-486c-bf42-e5006e96dfd0">Re: Can't choose my bridesmaids!!!! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Please edit this to put it into paragraphs.  Makes it easier to read.  Then take a deep breath. Unless you're getting married on or before Memorial Day, no, you don't need to make the decision before Christmas. Don't overestimate how many people WANT to be in your wedding.  Many people will be thrilled for you, yet still want to wear what they choose and come and go as they please as a guest at your wedding.  With only a handful of exceptions, that's how I'd prefer to be involved in the weddings of just about everyone in my life.  I'm sure your friends are no exception. Anyone who would hold you to some promise you made when you were 14 about being in your wedding is insane, especially if you aren't really friends anymore.  So if you wouldn't otherwise want her, don't ask her. I don't know what a "registry attendant" is but it doesn't sound like an honor (more of a job) so don't try to fill that role.   As for everyone else: You can cut this down from 15 people.  I don't believe that if you ask one friend you must ask all.  Now, if you have 5 close friends and would only like to ask 4, that's a problem and you should ask all 5.  But choosing 5 or whatever from 15 people?  Totally do-able . How you choose: Ask yourself (without regard to numbers, symmetry, gender, tit-for-tat, etc.) who you want standing next to you when you say your vows.  Then ask accordingly.  Don't think about who has money or can plan a party, don't think about who will put their lives on hold while you're engaged, none of that nonsense.   ETA: Remember too what a WP is and what it isn't. <strong> It's your nearest and dearest whom you honor by asking them to stand with you when you get married.  It's not your cheerleading squad, party planning committee, sycophants, worshipers, etc.</strong>  Make sure you don't lose sight of that.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Bolded part was SO excellent.  Keep that handy to c&p brooke.  I love it.

OP:  Put the brakes on until after Christmas.  After Christmas, start thinking:  who would I call to meet me in the emergency room at 3:00 am in the morning?  That's your WP. 

And I agree with others:  please don't overestimate how happy people will be just to be a guest.  My DD said, a couple of months ago, that she was so happy just to go to a wedding as a guest.  Not that she didn't care about the bride, because she did.  But to avoid all of the extra cost and hoopla was a relief for her.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-choose-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bc9c744c-7259-404d-9efb-66922690302bPost:95591aa0-00eb-47b7-92a6-34c79212673d">Re: Can't choose my bridesmaids!!!! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]A registry attendant is someone who stands at the entrance of the church and welcomes, hands out bulletins etc. It must be a southern thing, or I just didn't explain myself well. Plus it is a perfect job for my fiances' sisters, if you know what I mean.
Posted by krohnl[/QUOTE]
No, I don't, and I don't like the tone that comes with it.<div>
</div><div>I would also caution against saying "it's a southern thing" because there are LOTS of southerners on this board and are usually quick to point out that things like this are considered rude in the south.</div>

frogurt814

I also don't know what you mean.