Too many bridesmaids!

bmurray610

I have a real issue. I have eight girls I could use for bridesmaids, but my fiance only has 3-4 guys. Some of the girls I am not so close to, but I was/am in their wedding. People are telling me I have to have them in mine. So, rather than having the girls I am closest to in my wedding, I'm feeling forced to have people I don't really get along with well.  Can anyone give me advice on how to cut my numbers and what to do about asking girls I don't get along with?? HELP!

TrishCapp611

I agree that you shouldn't be choosing people you can "use" just for placing and numbers. When we first got engaged and was deciding my bridal party, I had 5 girls and FI had 9 guys. I kind of freaked out and I was like, "something has to be done" and now with 7 months to go ...things worked out.

I now have 8 girls, and FI has 8 guys. I added his cousins and a good friend who (I was in her wedding) but didn't choose her just because of this, and FI ended up having a falling out with a guy so he is not in it which is a blessing because he's not a great person but he did not "kick him out" he didn't ask him yet so it was fine.

You have time for things to work out. If you sit down together with a pen and paper and write things out it might help. It helped me. Things will change in time and having a plan you can look at and organize will help figure things out. Things will get figured out. Good Luck 

Cynthia1207

You pick who you want and that's it.  Just because someone asked you to be in their wedding, doesn't mean you need to do the same.  Just think, if you don't get along with them now, imagine when some wedding drama comes along.  You don't need extra stress.  Pick who you feel is important to you, that you want to see in 20 years in your wedding pictures,  not someone you felt obliged to have.

bdulli13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many-bridesmaids-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bcb97061-603d-4481-96f2-8433b263f76dPost:38deb3f8-ad73-4b44-ac6e-8aa34775746f">Re: Too many bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Too many bridesmaids! : #1 - you don't "use" anyone in your wedding party.  They're people, not props. #2 - Wedding parties are not reciprocal  You do not have to have someone in your WP just because you were in there's.  #3 - Choose the people that are nearest and dearest to you to be in your WP.  If you have less than 3/4 that's ok.  It's OK if you have more, too.  You don't have to have even sides. 
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]


This. Most especially, number one.

1FutureOC

Hi Bridette,
Your wedding is a special time for you, your fiance, your families and close friends.  I recently wrote a blog on how to choose your bridal party.  Check it out on my facebook notes called Bridal Wisdom.  Find me under futureoccasions.
The people in your bridal party, should be family and friends that are dearest to you and your fiance.  This is how I put it in perspective with my clients. Your wedding is a very intimate occasion.  It's not open to the public where anyone is invited, so think of it this way, if you were in the hospital, who would you want by your bedside; a bunch of people you don't get along with or people who love you and care about you.  Don't feel pressured into selecting people because they selected you, that was their choice, and if they selected "just because", then they too have it all wrong.
It's a Big Day...Sit back, Relax.

slojen

I had nine bridemaids and my fiance had eight.  We had the same problem at first where he only had about 5 in mind.  I could have not included a few of the people who I hadn't know as long or who no longer lived near me, but they were each important to me in different ways and at different times of life.  So, we sat down and thought it out.  My finace included my two brothers as I was including his sister, he added friends whose weddings he had been a part of even though they don't talk regularly now and also friends who have been important to him.  We had even considered adding his dad and a mentor as well.  In the end, my husband was so thankful to have those people with him and was glad he had thought about it more in depth.  It was a lot of people, but also a lot of fun and a lot of help!

slojen

One more thought.  You could always ask some of the girls to do something else significant in the wedding, such as manage the guest book, perform, or read scripture or a poem.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many-bridesmaids-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bcb97061-603d-4481-96f2-8433b263f76dPost:aa9444f3-b752-461d-9a76-613680a9c670">Re: Too many bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]One more thought.  You could always ask some of the girls to do something else significant in the wedding, such as manage the guest book, perform, or read scripture or a poem.
Posted by slojen[/QUOTE]

Managing a guest book is NOT at all significent.  The only things that I would consider "significant" are WP, ceremony musician, or reader.  Please don't make up pity positions for friends who don't make the cut for the WP. 

And don't assume that friends willl necessarily be disappointed to not be included in the WP.  While friends and family might be very excited for your wedding, that doesn't necessarily translate into "I want the expense and time of being in the WP. "  Many people will be just as delighted with the role of guest.

LD1970

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many-bridesmaids-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bcb97061-603d-4481-96f2-8433b263f76dPost:fc06bbfb-f2f6-491c-953c-acd7dee5c265">Re: Too many bridesmaids!</a>:
[QUOTE]And don't assume that friends willl necessarily be disappointed to not be included in the WP.  While friends and family might be very excited for your wedding, that doesn't necessarily translate into "I want the expense and time of being in the WP. "  Many people will be just as delighted with the role of guest.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Very true.  As I get older, the less interested I am in being in a wedding party.  When a friend got engaged a while back, I was SO happy when she didn't ask me, much as I love her.

bablingbrooke

There are probably three people in my life whose weddings I would be disappointed not to be a part of (though of course I'd keep that to myself): my sister, my BFF (and I am in her wedding next year), and one other friend.  With anyone else I think I'd be relieved not to be asked.

jana953

Just because they had/will have you as a bridesmaid doesnt mean you have to have them be in yours. My roomie from college is in my wedding but i wont be in hers and there are no bad feelings. A lot of times the budget will come into play or in your instance the number of possible groomsmen. Maybe what you can do is ask some of the others you arent as close to to participate in the wedding in some way, whether its a scripture reading or guest book attendant they should be understanding of that. They will also be happy that you included them in some way (not necessarily bridesmaid) but even being invited to your special day. They asked you to be their bridesmaid not b/c they were trying to reserve a spot in your wedding party but b/c they wanted you to be part of their special day.