My FI and I both decided that for our small wedding we would each only have one attendant. When I asked my MOH to be in the wedding I told her that we hadn't yet decided on colors, but when we did she could help me pick out the dress she would wear since there would be no others to "match" her.
Oh big mistake.
What I said was: "Help me pick out the dress." What she heard was: "Wear whatever I want." She lives long distance, so in the months that we've been engaged my mother and I have spent hours and hours sending links of different dresses to her, each one she has dismissed because she doesn't like them. She has only made two suggestions of her own: one dress only came in ivory (I'm not really into the Pippa Middleton Ivory and Ivory MOH and Bride look) and was extremely casual for our small but upscale wedding. The other was a beautiful dress that despite being reasonably priced, she couldn't really afford. I went ahead and bought the dress, as well as another I found to give her some options. I was starting to get a little panicky about finding a dress for her in time for the wedding given how selective she is..
When she came to visit a couple days ago she tried on the beautiful-but-reasonable dress and it looked awesome! I was doing a mental victory dance-but then...despite it fitting like a glove she "didn't really like it." Just like the other 8,000 we found online. I was starting to get really irritated as I found my wedding gown in about an hour, but the MOH dress selection has now taken 4 months. She tried on the other dress I had brought and when she came out in the sunlight I realized the color wasn't going to work with our flowers. I apologized saying that I realized I brought her that dress to try, but upon second glance the color really wasn't going to work out. She made a big fuss about how she liked the second dress better and her mother commented "I'm sure the florist could match some flowers to this dress. This one just looks so much better on HER." Um. I'm not changing the entire color scheme of the wedding just so the MOH can wear a certain color dress...Am I crazy? I know I said she could have input but ultimately it's my wedding and I think the bride should have the final say in what her wedding party wears.
I persuaded her to wear the dress she loved to the rehearsal dinner, and we found another that I wasn't a huge fan of, but she was dying to wear to the wedding and it didn't clash with the flowers so I caved and said fine. All good?!
Not so much...next came the shoes. She doesn't like heels- so she wanted to wear jeweled flip flops instead. We're not getting married on the beach...I wouldn't care if a guest showed up in dressy sandals but the MOH?! We ended up buying her a pair of 1 inch high heels that she has not stopped texting and e-mailing me about since. She wants something else, the heel won't be comfortable, etc. I told her that she could wear whatever heels she wanted that matched the dress and then change shoes for the reception but for our 15-minute ceremony and the photos I really wanted my MOH in some slightly fancier shoes.
I know this is a long drawn out explanation but I'm at the end of my rope. We've bought her 3 dresses now, and have allowed her to keep all three. We've bought her a pair of shoes to wear, paid for her flight so she can get to the wedding, a hotel room for her to stay in while she's here, and she is not doing any "typical" MOH duties. Because of the distance she's not hosting a bridal shower or bachelorette party for me, has not helped with ANY of the wedding preparation. I know being an attendant can be expensive and it's crazy how much we expect from our friends, but she hasn't spent a dime or lifted a finger. All she does is focus on her wardrobe and complain about the options we have given her. Her outfit has taken longer for me to sort out than the rest of the planning combined and I hate that at my own wedding the focus has become about someone else (who is not my fiance!)
Help! What can I do?