I think I lost a bridesmaid!

sacorcoran

I have a little under 4 months to go until my wedding, and one of my bridesmaids has completly stopped communicating with me! Help!

I checked to see if she had bought her dress after my other three bridesmaids got together and got theirs (she's out of town so not an option for her) and she had not, but was going to get it soon--that was the last I heard of her. It has been a month and she ignores my calls, texts and emails, which I try to keep to the minimum, but this month I have been trying to contact her once a week just to see if she is first and foremost okay.

At some point, I will have to just plan on going on without her, but I would much rather not! I love her dearly and would hate for this wedding to get in the way of our friendship. I don't feel like I am being too demanding-- all I have asked for is for my maids to buy their dresses and come up with a wedding day hair plan (which I am paying for--it's enough they are covering dresses and travel expenses). What can I say to get her back in touch with me?

aerinpegadrak

Is there a mutual friend who can find out what's up?  I know when our best man went incommunicado for a few months, the first thing we did was find out from mutual friends that nothing had happened to him.

How far away is she?  Is it an option for you to pay her a visit in person?

Edit to clarify: I don't think you really need to track her down to find out about the BM dress (I'm less than two months out and MOH and one of the BMs just got theirs this week), but at this point, I'd just want to make sure that she's okay.  Once you know that she's not dead in a ditch or something, then just leave her to her own devices to get the dress.

bablingbrooke

You don't mention if you were checking in with her about the dress once a month or twice a day.  If she knows when she needs to order it, leave it up to her to order it by the deadline.  If the shop is bugging you, just have them fill the orders already placed and the other girl can get the dress on her own time.  If she fails to do so or has to get it somewhere else, that's her problem, not yours.  If the shop is going on about dye lots, rest assured that most dyes are calibrated by computer and there will not be a striking difference.  And even if there is, who cares?  

I am not a fan of brides micromanaging their BMs getting their outfits.  You picked her because she is one of your nearest and dearest.  Do you really think she'd pick this of all times to fail to come through for you?  Have a little faith.  

I'm a big plan-ahead, get things far in advance type of person.  But when I was in a friend's wedding a couple years ago we were told we could order the dresses up to two months before the wedding to have them in time.  Well, the shop started calling the bride about four months out to tell her that I hadn't come in to order it, and she started calling me a lot telling me I needed to order it ASAP.  Not only was I annoyed, I was insulted.  Did she really think that I was not going to get the BM dress?  I had been a really enthusiastic BM up to that point but I'll be honest, it put a bad taste about the whole thing.  She had never once worried about me coming through for her before and suddenly because it was The Wedding she didn't trust me.  

You mention that you contact her once a week to make sure she's okay, but are you also mentioning the wedding?  If so she may see this as just being bugged about the wedding.  You have four months to go.  That's a long time, to be honest.  If the wedding was in three weeks I think you'd have a right to be concerned.  But four months is plenty of time to get it.  

There is no need for her to come up with a wedding day "hair plan" (whatever that means) four months out.  None.  That's a less-than-a-month-to-go kind of thing.

I'm willing to bet she's gotten busy with school, work, family, etc. and just isn't focused on the wedding now.  That's understandable; you have four months.  In three months or so she'll be much more focused on it.  But not four months.  I would leave her one more voicemail (make NO mention of the wedding) and then leave it at that.  If she's just busy she'll call you when she can.  If she's angry some space will help.  And you just need to trust her to get the dress.

sacorcoran

Good thought, and that might be part of the problem! I moved 3 hours south of her and she stayed put after college, and now she moves in completly different circles of friends. Getting to her in person could be an option--I may just have to camp on her porch!