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how to disinvite an usher

My fiance and I asked a good friend of ours to be an usher in our wedding back in December (the wedding will be in August).  Since then he started dating this girl and has distanced himself from our group of friends.  He has bailed on everyone's bday celebrations and other milestone events.  He has not really hung out with any of us since January.  We are hurt that he has basically cut us all out of his life when we used to all be such close friends.  The only reason I still even talk to him is because we work together, and he hasn't even been pleasant in the office.  I will be leaving this position sometime between May-July as it is an assistantship to pay my way through grad school and I will graduate in May.  Is there a tactful way to disinvite him?  Should we just not mention stuff to him anymore and hope he gets the hint?  The way he is acting now I'm not sure he cares to be in it anyways.

Re: how to disinvite an usher

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    I don't see what this is going to accomplish, other than to piss him off and also to make yourselves look bad to everyone outside of the situation (because he technically hasn't done anything to deserve to be kicked out of your wedding). o, there is no way to tactfully kick someone out of your wedding when they've done nothing wrong. There are plenty of ways to do it rudely or bride/groomzilla-ish, but there's no way that's going to make people pat you on the back and praise you for it.

    An usher isn't some huge important position that he needs to "earn." He's just a guy standing there in a tux/suit and showing people to their seats, for Pete's sake. TOTALLY not worth it to boot him from a meaningless position just to prove some kind of a point.

    If you are asking him to rent a tux to be an usher, then just make sure he has the info on what tux to get and when to get it. If he doesn't follow through on the rental, then he's taken himself out of the wedding and you are free from blame.

    Otherwise, if he shows up at the ceremony in the proper outfit, he's fulfilled his obligation to you and your wedding. My advice would be to just be polite to him, let him do his job, and then let the friendship fizzle out after the wedding if it's obviously headed that way. It will be better for everyone that way ... drama-free and it won't make you and your FI look bad. There's really no situation where this would end well, if you gave him the ol' heave-ho.
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    [QUOTE] An usher isn't some huge important position that he needs to "earn." He's just a guy standing there in a tux/suit and showing people to their seats, for Pete's sake. TOTALLY not worth it to boot him from a meaningless position just to prove some kind of a point. 
    Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

    <div>Exactly.</div>
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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    I'm going to ditto malphabet 100%. 
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disinvite-usher?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c0ef9a7d-2f39-47bf-96c8-bb1cc0acaf6dPost:36dc3cb6-e975-441f-bdb3-ec20248ffe25">how to disinvite an usher</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I asked a good friend of ours to be an usher in our wedding back in December (the wedding will be in August).  Since then he started dating this girl and has distanced himself from our group of friends.  He has bailed on everyone's bday celebrations and other milestone events.  He has not really hung out with any of us since January.  We are hurt that he has basically cut us all out of his life when we used to all be such close friends.  The only reason I still even talk to him is because we work together, and he hasn't even been pleasant in the office.  I will be leaving this position sometime between May-July as it is an assistantship to pay my way through grad school and I will graduate in May.  Is there a tactful way to disinvite him?  Should we just not mention stuff to him anymore and hope he gets the hint?  The way he is acting now I'm not sure he cares to be in it anyways.
    Posted by seanlwey[/QUOTE]
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

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    If you want him out, end the friendship.  His role (and invitation to) your wedding will end as a result of that.  Sort of like how if you plan a vacation with a boyfriend, but then you break up.  The trip is obviously cancelled.
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    You can't disinvite him. And only partially because "disinvite" is not a word.
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    What malphabet said.

    Seriously, whether or not he is an usher is going to have a minimal impact on your wedding.  Why create fuss and drama over nothing?
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
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