Wedding Party

Unhappy MOH

I'm the MOH in my cousin's upcoming wedding.  We're very close, both engaged and both planning weddings.  Along with myself she has a total of 7 bridesmaids.  The other girls are planning things without even giving me a heads up.  They've already started planning a blachoerette party at a fancy spa/hotel.  There is no way that I can afford to do something like this.  Some of the other girls know this and wll immeadiately offer to cover what I can't, but I don't want to be "that" BM.  What should I do?  I feel awful telling the bride that I can't come, but on the other hand I can't afford a weekend away.

Re: Unhappy MOH

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    Have you tried talking to the other BM's? First of all, it is rude of them to leave you out of the planning loop. Second, it is even more rude to plan some fancy bachelorette party without asking you what you are comfortable spending.

    I would try talking to the other BM's first. If that doesn't help, then try talking to the bride without revealing details to her unless it isn't a surprise. Maybe she will be able to talk some sense into the the other BM's. Good luck.
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    I agree with Missy I would talk with the BMs.  In my circle is is extreemly rude for someone to plan a Bachorllete party without talking to the MOH first.  She is the one who gets first crack at planning this party. 

    I can understand how you don't want to have someone else "cover" your expenenses.  I would be the same way, I would infact eat Ramen Noodles for the month to avoid having someone else "Cover" me who's not my mom. 
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    OBX2011OBX2011 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Agree with PP's.  The BM's planning this w/out giving any thought to the MOH is a biitch move IMO.  I would be as tactful as possible when talking to them about this and go from there.

    Is there any way that you could tuck some money away here and there?  Even if it's only $20 a week, that is still $80 for the month so I would start doing that first.


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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    If you feel this way about the plans and the money, then chances are pretty decent that at least one more BM would agree with you.

    Is there a "ringleader" amongst the other girls? I might sit down with her or call her (don't do this over e-mail, text or Facebook) and say something like, "You know that I love Bride and I want to work together with all of you to plan some great things for her. But I just don't have the budget to contribute to what's being planned, and I also wish I had been part of the plans from the beginning so that I could've mentioned this and we all could've planned it together." Hopefully then you'll be included in the plans from that point on.

    If not, I would just contribute what you feel is appropriate, and either let them cover you for the rest or just graciously bow out of anything you can't attend. You have nothing to feel bad about ... you weren't consulted as to your budget, and so you can't be expected to just pay whatever bill they feel like handing you. That's unfair to you.

    Our of curiosity, is there a co-MOH along with you? I know that the MOH is not automatically in charge of planning everything, but traditionally she's the one who kind of spearheads the effort. I'm just surprised that they would leave you out of the plans entirely. Are they all friends, and you're sort of on the outskirts of the group since you're the bride's cousin?
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    I agree with PP. Especially if you are the MOH. It is one of the MOH's duties to plan the parties in the first place.
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    Agreed that you should talk to one of the bridesmaids - perhaps the one you know the best/feel most comfortable with/feel is the most approachable.

    I however would differ on the idea that you should talk to the bride if that doesn't work.  I would feel awful if my bridesmaids weren't getting along, and would take that all on myself and feel responsible for it. I would recommend doing whatever you can on your own, then making it work instead of bugging the bride about it.
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    kms8344kms8344 member
    First Comment
    Thanks for all the advice guys!!

    As far as I know I'm the only MOH, and I'm having trouble with all of the outrageous expenses that people are throwing at me.  I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels this way, of the 7 of us, 3 of us are planning our own weddings, 2 are single mothers, and the other 2 just bought houses. 

    I hope I can handle this...
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