Bridesmaid Issue - HELP!!!

melbiddle

My fiance and I got engaged Memorial Day weekend and have a March 12th wedding date. Shortly after getting engaged we chose who we wanted in our wedding party - we are keeping it simple and small.  My older sister will be my matron of honor and his 2 younger sisters are the other 2 bridesmaids. HIs best friend will be the best man and has said whatever I, or we, need he's on it - he even emailed me pics of suits he already owns to potentially wear in the wedding (this was before I had decided on tux's).  Everyone was very excited for us and accepted their invitation to be a part of our special day. 

His 2 sisters are about 5 states away and the store they need to go to pick out their dress is an hour car ride awayfrom where they live but, according to my fiance, they drive to this other, more major city, quite often so that's not an issue. I have given all the ladies free reign to pick whatever style of dress they want with the only paramteres being that it be a specific color and that it be full length. Easy enough, right? Apparently, not so much.

I had been told by one or the other sister that they were gonna go to the store on such and so weekend several weeks ago - didn't happen.  Then they told me they were going to go 2 weekends ago - didn't happen. Irritating part here is that they both ended up going to the city where the store is, as planned, but seperately (one with her spouse and the other with a friend) and neither of them bothered to go to the dang bridal store!!  They even joked about how they had been texting with each other about where the other one was - having narrowly missed each other at one particular shopping center!!  Seriously? My fiance just happened to be home that particular weekend and when I had asked him if the plans they had made to go were followed thru on and he told me no, I called each of them to see what the deal was. One didn't answer so I left a NOT RUDE voice mail message only to find out that she immediately called my fiance (her brother) and was fussing to him about my call!!!  What?? She never called back, by the way. The other sister answered when I called her and she blamed sister #1 for being "too busy to get penciled into her schedule" and saying that was the reason they didn't go. She told me on that very phone call that they had plans to go this coming weekend, the 4th - ok, great! 

One of the sisters swears her size (a plus size, for sure) is "always on the rack" and when I spoke to them about possibly needing to order their dress the reply I got from one sister was that it should only take about 6 weeks for delivery.  So, just to make sure I have my facts straight and to assure myself that I'm not being a pain in the ass or asking too much too soon, I called the store myself. I explained my predicament to the girl on the phone and was told 1). dress styles get discontinued ALL THE TIME so depending on which style they think they may want may not be available to order by the time they get to the store, 2). depending on the style and if it needs to be ordered it can take (worst case scenario) 12-18 weeks for the dress to arrive, and 3). that the bottom line is that the bridesmaids need to order their dresses ASAP to avoid the variety of potential mishaps that could, and do, occur. So, I texted them this last Sunday asking if they wouldn't mind calling ahead to the store to make an appointment since they are going on a Saturday and, as we all know, those stores get super busy on the weekends.  Only one texted back, the one who DIDN'T answer her phone the other weekend, and said she wasn't sure about when they were going (i.e. they are NOT going this weekend) but that she had an awareness about how busy the stores get.  I texted her back and said that the other sister told me that there was a plan to go this weekend - never got a reply.  So then I sent one more text to them both telling them what I had been told from the store (just so they know I'm not making this stuff up) ...ending with: ..."I really need you guys to get this done, please."  An important note here: I have been perfectly polite and appropriate with all these communictions I have made, I even made an effort to keep it light but this past weekend became a bit more direct - if you wanna call that quote direct. The other sister, by the way, never texted back at all. 

I then find out from my fiance that, the one sister who did reply to me sent HIM a text saying - who knows exactly what - but my fiance said that she was annoyed with me and asked HIM if HE trusted them to get this done on time.  What really irriates me about this is that their communication to me has been very little and it's not like I don't know them and that they don't like me - not the case at all.  And for the record, I have tried to communicate with them thru every avenue possible living far away: phone calls, emails, and texting. Also of note is that I have not asked them to do ANYTHING ELSE for my wedding other than get a dress and show up!!  There have been no bridesmaids duties assigned - nothing!!  Me and my sister are doing it all - not an issue.  So, it's not like they have SO MANY other things to do for this wedding.  Yes, they are both married and work full time jobs (don't we all?) but NEITHER of them have kids so I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what the issue is here.  Between selective communication to me about what they are doing and when and who's blaming who for what I'm about to pull my hair out over these two.  Am I very organized?  Yes. Do I like to plan ahead? Yes. Is MY WEDDING DAY going to NOT be planned very well? No. Am I acting all bridezilla and asking for things to get done WAY ahead of time? No.  As of today, we are within the 6 month window of the wedding. All my check lists say that this 'box' should already be checked. Besides the fact that I'm the bride and shouldn't have to be stressed about this easy task.  Or maybe not - am I wrong, ladies? 

Please - tell me, give me feedback!  Don't hold back - my feelings won't get hurt.  I just want to know from other's in my shoes if I'm way off base.

Thanks!   

AdeleDazeem

I think you need to let this go.  They are adults who can get dresses.  If you are allowing them the freedom to pick any dress they want, as long as it is long and in a particular color, they will get it done.  If they don't, then they've removed themselves from the wedding party.

Also, the bridal shop told you all those horror stories to scare you into getting to the store, giving them money, and buying a dress right this very second.

If you've passed along the information, just let it be at this point.  It will turn out fine - promise.

aerinpegadrak

I told my girls to wear any black dress.  My MOH and another bridesmaid didn't get theirs until 6 weeks before the wedding.  By what you've said, they could walk into a department store the morning of the wedding and buy something suitable, right?  So what on earth are you stressing over?

mbcdefg

Am I very organized?  Yes. Do I like to plan ahead? Yes.

O.K., that's fine. YOU like to be organized, and YOU like to plan ahead. But their dresses do not affect you. THEY are responsible for getting their dresses. Six months is a TON of time to get these dresses.

Is MY WEDDING DAY going to NOT be planned very well? No.

How on earth will them not getting the dresses make your wedding day not be planned well? Your "wedding day" consists of you and your FI showing up to the ceremony site, with the license, and a few witnesses, and having a properly ordained officiant perform the ceremony. And if you're having guests at the wedding, it also consists of providing some food and some seats for them.

The bridesmaids in certain dresses does not affect these things at ALL. Worst-case scenario, they don't get the proper dresses, and you either allow them to stand with you in any dress they can find, or they sit in the audience with the guests.

If you find out in enough time that they won't be standing with you, you can cancel their flowers, adjust your program wording and return their gifts. If you find out last-minute and can't cancel these things ... you use their bouquets as decorations, you leave the programs as-is (and dollars to donuts says that nobody will comment), and you save their gifts for Christmas or their birthdays.

Am I acting all bridezilla and asking for things to get done WAY ahead of time? No.

Well, you're sort of toeing the line here. It's fine if YOU want to get things done early. But you can't expect everyone else involved in your wedding to follow that lead. They either get things done or they don't. You asked if they would do it and they said yes. Nagging will not help, yelling will not help, text messages will not help.

Leave it alone. It's not. your. problem. 

As of today, we are within the 6 month window of the wedding. All my check lists say that this 'box' should already be checked.

PLEASE don't put too much stock into the Knot/etc. checklists. All of those things can be adjusted to your own preference. They are not set in stone.

According to my own Knot.com checklist, I was super-behind, yet everything was done with time to spare and I had a lovely wedding with no problems. Was I an inefficient bride because I didn't have my programs printed three months in advance, or because I only confirmed the rehearsal dinner plans a week before my wedding? It gone done, didn't it? Who cares when, as long as it got done!

Besides the fact that I'm the bride and shouldn't have to be stressed about this easy task. 

No, you shouldn't. Because it's NOT YOUR TASK.

You asked them to do something. They said they'd do it. It is not your responsibility to babysit them, and the more you nag them the more they're going to drag their feet.

LET IT GO.

melbiddle

To answer a few points....

 I've asked them to pick a dress from a certain store and in a named color.  They have tons of styles to choose from. So going just to any store isn't really a possibility. 

I get that I've asked them to do X, Y, Z.....but at what point do I draw the line, when is it too late for them to get their dress or be in the wedding?  If they don't want the responsibility then they should speak up. 

I should also add in here, my fiance's 2 sisters are much like my fiance - they are horrible time managers, planners, and often say they are going to do things but then it never gets done.  the good intent is there but often missed.  These are not my friends - they are his sisters and I've known them a little over a year so this isn't a life-long friendship scenario.

bablingbrooke

The shop has a deadline (normal fee) and a rush deadline (pay extra if you order late).  Get both.  Let them know when they are.  (I assure you neither one is next week.)  Then let it go.  

ETA: It may only be 9:30 am, but I still think you need a glass of wine.  You're stressing over things that don't need to be stressed about.  Scroll through some posts--my One Day Rule is in there somewhere (if something will not matter one day after the wedding, you don't get to stress about it).  This falls under the One Day Rule. Act accordingly.  You will be so glad you didn't waste another second of your engagement worrying about silly things.

mbcdefg

I get that I've asked them to do X, Y, Z.....but at what point do I draw the line, when is it too late for them to get their dress or be in the wedding?  If they don't want the responsibility then they should speak up. 

If they don't show up on the wedding day wearing the dress, then it's too late.

The "responsibility" is to get the dress and come to the wedding. They said they'd do it. I don't know what else you want us to tell you.

I should also add in here, my fiance's 2 sisters are much like my fiance - they are horrible time managers, planners, and often say they are going to do things but then it never gets done.  the good intent is there but often missed.  These are not my friends - they are his sisters and I've known them a little over a year so this isn't a life-long friendship scenario.

So, if you've known that they're like this, why the heck are you so frustrated? You really didn't see this coming? Did you expect them to change their ways just for the wedding?

Also, if you knew you were going to be hounding people who didn't get their dress six months in advance, and knew that they're procrastinators ... why on earth did you ask them to be bridesmaids? Or if not asking them wasn't an option, why did you choose a dress that had to be ordered so far in advance?

You're making a mountain out of a molehill here. They show up on the wedding day in the proper dresses, they're bridesmaids. They show up on the wedding day in another outfit, they either stand as bridesmaids or they sit in the audience. They don't show up at all, there's no issue at all.

Really. WTF is the big deal if they don't get the dresses? You're out the money for their flowers and gifts, and the program lists them as BMs when they're not. So what? The flowers can be used elsewhere, you save the gifts for another occasion or you sell them on eBay, and it's not like people are going to stop your ceremony to demand to know why two BMs are listed but not standing.

Please. Just chill out about this. It'll most likely get done ... and if not, so what?

spechtholdn

I tend to avoid answering calls and text to people who are annoying me.... I can see why they are ignoring you. I mean seriously, your wedding is next March! They will do it on their own without a step-by-step from you. Tell them the final dates to have it ordered and they will.

aerinpegadrak

Okay, but they could still find a used dress that fits the guidelines even if the absolutely last and final deadline from the shop has passed.  Bridesmaid dresses have a strong tendency of only being worn once, chances are extraordinarly good that there's a decent selection of your chosen designer and color available in the various reselling venues online, and at a much lower price.  So even if they do wait until the last possible moment, they still have options.

Seriously, relax.  There is absolutely nothing to be gained by worrying about this right now.  And if they don't get the dress and show up, you get to decide whether you'd be okay with letting them wear something similar (what I would do) or sit in the audience as guests.  Or, since they're your FI's sisters, they could stand on his side and he can be the one to worry about their attire.

banana468

I think PPs have hit on some key points.

And it makes sense that you're nervous about things when the checklists are telling you that things need to be done at a certain time.

BUT, they don't need to be done OMG right this minute.

So the next time you talk to them apologize for being such an overzealous planner.  Let them know that as long as they have the dresses they need for the wedding then you don't care. 

And then wash your hands of it.  Leave it up to them to get it done.  But nagging them (and you're nagging them) to do this isn't going to make them move any faster. 

kellyb1487

I didn't even get through your entire rant...

In short you need to chill.... Your wedding is not until March and it is the begining of September... If they don't have their dress by the begining of Febuary then sure you can freak out a little, but until then relax.

It's not like you told them they have to get a certain dress...

melbiddle

mbcdefg -
I DIDN'T know they were like this, this has been a learning experience - I have met them a few times total in person and had conversations with them over the internet and phone since then because the distance between all of us is so great.  What I have realized is that the poor planning, saying your gonna do something and not doing it, etc. apparently runs in the family.

Banana -
Thanks for the validation -  ("And it makes sense that you're nervous about things when the checklists are telling you that things need to be done at a certain time.")

To everyone else, thanks for your feedback.  I suppose it's so frustrating because I waited a long time, and been thru a lot of BS in the dating world, to make sure I married the right guy. Once. I have a vision of how I want things to look on my wedding day and, surprisingly, ended up NOT doing much of what I had in my mind since I was...what, 18 years old? The overall fear is that these dresses aren't gonna get bought in time, which would be disappointing.

But, I'll survive. I always do.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-issue-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c4d95839-80ae-49cd-937b-b547d69e421bPost:0fea25b2-336d-48ac-ad03-e06aba0e8e91">Re: Bridesmaid Issue - HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]  I suppose it's so frustrating because I waited a long time, and been thru a lot of BS in the dating world, to make sure I married the right guy. Once. I have a vision of how I want things to look on my wedding day and, surprisingly, ended up NOT doing much of what I had in my mind since I was...what, 18 years old? The overall fear is that these dresses aren't gonna get bought in time, which would be disappointing. But, I'll survive. I always do.
Posted by melbiddle[/QUOTE]
Look at your priorities here.  You kissed a lot of frogs, finally found the right guy and you're focused on...the wedding?  Not the marriage?  The wedding is just one day.  One day after the wedding 99% of the details won't be of concern.  You won't even notice half of them the day of.  I hate to burst your bubble but it's really true.  So how about you focus on the fact that these girls are going to be your family, not that you don't trust them to buy a dress on time.  And how about you focus on the many, many days that come after the wedding, rather than the day of?  Because the wedding is not an ending, it's a beginning.  The tone of your posts make me fear that you aren't focused on the important stuff here.  You're focusing on the background noise.  Don't do that.

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-issue-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c4d95839-80ae-49cd-937b-b547d69e421bPost:0fea25b2-336d-48ac-ad03-e06aba0e8e91">Re: Bridesmaid Issue - HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]mbcdefg - I DIDN'T know they were like this, this has been a learning experience - I have met them a few times total in person and had conversations with them over the internet and phone since then because the distance between all of us is so great.  What I have realized is that the poor planning, saying your gonna do something and not doing it, etc. apparently runs in the family. 
Posted by melbiddle[/QUOTE]

OK, that's fine then. That wasn't clear in your initial post. Thank you for verifying this.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-issue-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c4d95839-80ae-49cd-937b-b547d69e421bPost:0fea25b2-336d-48ac-ad03-e06aba0e8e91">Re: Bridesmaid Issue - HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I suppose it's so frustrating because I waited a long time, and been thru a lot of BS in the dating world, to make sure I married the right guy. Once. I have a vision of how I want things to look on my wedding day and, surprisingly, ended up NOT doing much of what I had in my mind since I was...what, 18 years old? The overall fear is that these dresses aren't gonna get bought in time, which would be disappointing. But, I'll survive. I always do.
Posted by melbiddle[/QUOTE]

I don't really get what any of this has to do with the situation at hand.

I also think that you need to be a lot more flexible here, and realize that things aren't always going to go according to plan. And that's not automatically a bad thing.

I also have to ask: did your dream wedding include your sisters-in-law standing up with you in specific dresses? I'm guessing no, right? (Since they are not lifelong friends.) So why does it matter that there's a small chance that they might not be bridesmaids at your wedding?

You have six months left. That's a LOT of time. And even if they don't get the dresses, it won't affect your wedding in the slightest. Not to be mean but you're being pretty overdramatic about this.

Beachy730

Totally agree with brooke on her last post.  Honestly, I can't stand when brides say how long they waited to get engaged, or to find the right guy.  That doesn't make your wedding any more important to anyone else but you. 

Regardless, you are causing yourself a lot of unnecessary stress.  I'm assuming that the store you are taking about is David's Bridal.  If it is (or any other dress shop), then you are fine.  They lie to brides and BMs all the time telling them they need to order that day to guarantee its in on time.  They told that to a friend of mine when she was a BM for a wedding in August and they went dress shopping in the previous October.  I've never heard of a dress taking 10 months.  Most DB dresses actually come in about 6 weeks after ordered.  Also, since you are just picking a color and length, they will have many options to pick from.  And believe it or not, I've always seen way more plus sized dresses in stock than small sizes.  So if needed, I can pretty much guarantee that they could find at least one dress in the store, in their size, in that color and length.

As for their trips to the city without going to the store.  You said one was with her spouse when she went.  My H would rather shoot himself in the foot than go into a bridal shop with me and watch me try on BM dresses, so hers is probably the same. 

My other question to you is, why did you pick these girls to be your BMs then if you barely know them?  Just because they are FI's sister doesn't mean they need to be in it.  It seems to me that you are more regretting your decision to ask them for various reasons.  

Just sit back and relax and let it go.  They know what is required of them.  And your texts are rightfully driving them nuts.  I can only imagine what I would text my brother if I were in their situation, and it would probably be something like "tell your bridezilla FI to back off or just kick me out of the wedding already."  So just let it go, and focus on things you can control for your wedding.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-issue-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c4d95839-80ae-49cd-937b-b547d69e421bPost:6d25d63d-4f7b-439d-bd31-2910d28df6ff">Re: Bridesmaid Issue - HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Issue - HELP!!! :  Not to be mean but you're being pretty overdramatic about this.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]
Seriously.  I wonder how she handles other things in her life that don't go *exactly* as she'd planned.  <div>
</div><div>And not to be rude, but I think it's kind of sad that brides plan their weddings years or decades before they meet their FIs.  It's almost like they want the party more and were just looking for a guy to fill the role of groom so that they can go ahead and plan it.</div>

melbiddle

I am focused on the wedding day about as much as any other bride may be. Yes, it's only one day, and because so, that kinda makes it pretty important. I assure you all, I am very focused on the bigger picture and yes, that is more important in the long run.

I never said I had my wedding planned my whole life and you are fibbing if you say as a teen or even years before you ever got married yourself, you never sat around and invisioned what it was you wanted for yourself as a bride or even had a mere idea. We've all done it, ladies. Don't act like you haven't. 

FINDING the right guy was the hard part, no question there. You have me mixed up with the bride who spends her every waking hour making phone calls, sending emails, and barking orders.  This is one of the few things I care about enough to spend the time on to post about - the rest? Whatever, I'm ready for it to be March already.

Thanks again for the replies - this will be my last post.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-issue-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c4d95839-80ae-49cd-937b-b547d69e421bPost:4dd86f2e-4940-4746-bc7a-1128884af4da">Re: Bridesmaid Issue - HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]. I never said I had my wedding planned my whole life and you are fibbing if you say as a teen or even years before you ever got married yourself, you never sat around and invisioned what it was you wanted for yourself as a bride or even had a mere idea. We've all done it, ladies. Don't act like you haven't. 
Posted by melbiddle[/QUOTE]
No, I really didn't.  I started planning the wedding after I got engaged, and even then I wasn't terribly interested in the details.  We let my mom plan 90% of it, since she was paying and I had just started a grad program on the other side of the country.  And I know I'm not the only one on this board who didn't spend years fantasizing about my wedding.  <div>
</div><div>I don't regret for a second not planning it for years.  I recommend you do the same.</div>

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-issue-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c4d95839-80ae-49cd-937b-b547d69e421bPost:4dd86f2e-4940-4746-bc7a-1128884af4da">Re: Bridesmaid Issue - HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am focused on the wedding day about as much as any other bride may be. Yes, it's only one day, and because so, that kinda makes it pretty important. I assure you all, I am very focused on the bigger picture and yes, that is more important in the long run. I never said I had my wedding planned my whole life and <strong>you are fibbing if you say as a teen or even years before you ever got married yourself, you never sat around and invisioned what it was you wanted for yourself as a bride or even had a mere idea. We've all done it, ladies. Don't act like you haven't.</strong>  FINDING the right guy was the hard part, no question there. You have me mixed up with the bride who spends her every waking hour making phone calls, sending emails, and barking orders.  This is one of the few things I care about enough to spend the time on to post about - the rest? Whatever, I'm ready for it to be March already. Thanks again for the replies - this will be my last post.
Posted by melbiddle[/QUOTE]
Nope, I didn't, and I'm not fibbing, either.  I didn't give a damn about weddings until I had a ring on my finger.  I loathe the sterotype that women spend their whole lives dreaming about this one silly party.

TheCranberry

I understand why this is stressful; you're worried that they will wait until the last minute and not have a dress to wear.  If this happens they can either (a) find a dress in the right color at another store or (b) not be in the wedding.  Neither of those are optimal, but neither of them will ruin the day.  As a PP said, just give them the regular order deadline and the rush order deadline and let them take it from there.  You can't control what they do or when they do it, so just move on to the next thing.

I get your point about imagining your wedding day before you actually had the guy.  I did that, and I am learning that I have to let go some of my ideas about what a "perfect" wedding will be either because of money or time or whatever.  It's sad sometimes, but it will still be a great day, and I will still be married.  Just take a deep breath and let this go.

sassi.chic

I am 100% on your side! I was in a similar situation -  My MOH procrastinates and she waited until the very last minute to order her dress. I asked her to take care of the dress at least 4 months in advance because it could take up to 12 weeks and what if it doesn't fit and she needs alterations! I had to tell myself, if she doesn't get to the bridal store to order her dress then it is her own fault and she will have to live with the fact that she is no longer apart of the wedding party because she couldn't take care of a simple task. 

The rude part and I think a lot of people on here are overlooking is that your bridesmaids are not communicating with you at all. And they told you several times that they were going to take care of it, but didn't. If they are not going to do something then they should not give you the false impression that they are. And they were already in the city that the store is located which is an hour away from home and didn't bother to take care of it then. I would be annoyed! 

banana468

I can't blame the OP for being frustrated  -  particularly with all those checklists out there.

But  the OP needs to trust these people.  Not only are they her BMs but they're her FSILs.  How she handles this isn't just a wedding situation but it's also a family situation.  That's why it's important to take the high road, back off and offer a few words of apology.  It doesn't matter that the BMs didn't do what they're supposed to do.  It's going to be a family vs. new DIL/SIL situation and generally it's better to do what you can to set off on the right foot.

gottahavashorti

You said both of your FSILs are married.  They probably realize that the bridal shop is feeding you fibs about how long dresses take to arrive and how often styles are discontinued in order to get their money sooner.  Worst case scenario, they find a dress by that designer on ebay, craigslist or a for sale forum like the wedding classifieds board here.  Since they are choosing their own styles, they can always choose a new one if their favorite style gets discontinued.

It will be okay.  Promise.  If they haven't ordered at the 4 month mark, find out from the bridal shop the drop dead last dates for them to order with and without a rush fee, relay that information to them, and have a glass of wine.

StefE1028

I agree with everyone else, RELAX! You have a while to go yet and the way i see it they have it very easy they pick out a dress a certian color and length. SIMPLE! Give them time and let them fiqure everything out, dont be always on their back or else they will get very annoyed with you and that is something that you dont need to stress over the day of your wedding. My opinion is when you should be stressing that bad over something so small you should go out and set a date and go with them

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-issue-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c4d95839-80ae-49cd-937b-b547d69e421bPost:39cefac8-7dfe-4499-9795-a4c28850de63">Re: Bridesmaid Issue - HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am 100% on your side! I was in a similar situation -  My MOH procrastinates and she waited until the very last minute to order her dress. I asked her to take care of the dress at least 4 months in advance because it could take up to 12 weeks and what if it doesn't fit and she needs alterations! I had to tell myself, if she doesn't get to the bridal store to order her dress then it is her own fault and she will have to live with the fact that she is no longer apart of the wedding party because she couldn't take care of a simple task.  The rude part and I think a lot of people on here are overlooking is that your bridesmaids are not communicating with you at all. And they told you several times that they were going to take care of it, but didn't. If they are not going to do something then they should not give you the false impression that they are. And they were already in the city that the store is located which is an hour away from home and didn't bother to take care of it then. I would be annoyed! 
Posted by sassi.chic[/QUOTE]
The point is that the bride is imposing an arbitrary and unnecessary timeline on people she has a tenuous relationship to begin with anyway.<div>
</div><div>It would be one thing if her wedding were on Oct. 1st and the BMs hadn't returned a phone call in three months and still didn't have their dresses.  But she's got six months to go.  PLENTY of time to shop for dresses.  She's deciding to freak out, she's choosing it.  And her MO is such that she's going to strain relations with her new ILs long before the wedding.  People remember.  So she needs to chill out.</div>

bablingbrooke

It's not wrong to want to do things far in advance, but it is wrong to impose that same timeline on others and then harass them until they do it.  It would be one thing if the shop's deadline was approaching, but it's not.  This is asking other people to spend money on you.  You don't hassle people to do it.  You step back and let them do it at their own pace, since it's their money and they're spending it in your honor.

You don't call your friends day after day in the weeks leading up to your birthday saying, "Did you buy my present yet?  Did you buy my present yet?  Are you planning my party yet?" and then justify it by saying that you like getting things done in advance.  You step back and let them do things at their own pace and graciously accept what they do for you.  Same principle applies here.  Your wedding isn't an excuse to ignore basic etiquette.  This is the time to be extra-careful about etiquette.  People remember long after your wedding, especially family.

ETA: Bottom line, you focus on what you can do.  But when they buy the BM dresses in no way impacts your ability to play anything else about the wedding, so let it go and do all the things you want to do early.  And treating people like they can't be trusted only brews trouble and ruins relationships.