Adult Fower Girls

mraesmith

Is it ok to have adult flower girls? We don't have any kids to put in our wedding and their are a few people that we would like to be more involved. Would that be ok?

bablingbrooke

Why can't they just be in the WP as BMs?  Please abandon your "must have" symmetry notions; you'll be so glad you did.  You can ask people to be FGs, but frankly it's kind of silly.  Have uneven sides.  I promise you it's not distracting and that you won't be counting heads.  We had uneven sides and even my usually-anal-about-symmetry DH and actually-is-OCD MIL were okay with it.  If they could handle it, you guys can, too.

banana468

Ditto BB.

I think it's really odd to have an adult in the role of a child.

twilight.rose

Ditto brooke. Uneven sides are common and most people never even notice. We had uneven sides, and our pictures still look fabulous (one of the main reasons I've seen people concerned about uneven sides are how their photos will turn out.)

CA2MT4EveR

Flower girls are props to make your wedding have an aspect of "cute".  If your friends mean something to you, make them something more meaningful than props.  And by this I don't mean give them jobs such as "guest book attendant" or "candle lighter".  If you talk to them about it, they may be just as happy to be a guest.

lilianne22

I agree with PP's have them be BM's rather than flower girls.  Or maybe they could do a reading during the ceremony rather than being in the actual wedding party.

andy71781

Umm no I think that's really weird.  You don't NEED to walk on petals when you go down the aisle or have somebody carry the rings down on a pillow.  You do need your friends to get through your wedding with their self-respect and dignity in tact so I would recommend NOT going with this plan.

aerinpegadrak

Adult flower girl is one of those things that really only works if they volunteer without prompting.  A flower girl isn't required, it seems that these days, the majority weddings don't have child attendants of any sort.

mraesmith

Trust me, Id love to have them as BMs but my fiance is the one who's concerned about the uneven sides, it wouldn't matter to me. Not sure what to do...

bablingbrooke

1.  Your FI can't tell you how many people to have.

2.  My DH didn't like the idea of uneven sides at first but knew it was important to me to have the people I had and so he went with it and no one regretted it.

3.  Marriage means compromising on things, not saying, "Well, DH says no so my hands are tied!"

4.  Do you really want to marry someone who you can't tell, "Look, I know you want even sides, but I don't want to leave out my BFFs, and I think it's really unfair that you would do that to me over something very superficial."  I mean if you can't have that conversation, that speaks to some larger relationship issues.  I'll give you a non-WP but wedding-related example: My DH is Greek Orthodox and I'm Catholic.  We both wanted the wedding in our own churches.  However, having an Orthodox wedding was more important to him than having a Catholic wedding was to me, so we had it in his church.  Was it my first choice?  No.  But I didn't think it was fair to deprive him of something so important that wasn't equally important to me.  I doubt very much symmetry is more important to your FI than your friends are to you, so I think you and FI need to have a little chat.

mbcdefg

Tell your fiance to get the hell over it, and include them as bridesmaids.

If someone told me that I could not have my friends as bridesmaids because he wanted even sides, then I'd call off the wedding. I would never marry someone shallow enough to exclude a good friend because it wouldn't "look right." It's almost as bad as excluding someone because they are a certain race or height or if they have a physical abnormality.

banana468

Why is he all about even sides?

If these are the people you already asked to be BMs they should stay as BMs.   Tell FI, "I can't do this to my dearest friends when something as arbitrary as an even side is the only reason you have against it."

Belle2Be

Adult flower girls are kinda creepy to me.

If your FI wants even sides, see if he can find a couple more groomsmen, Don't tell him to get over it, it is his wedding too, and its extremely disrespectful.

I know everyone here is all about uneven sides, but it would irritate the F our of me to be uneven, not to mention I think its bad juju (but thats my own quirks). If my fiance told me to get over it, I would be hurt and mad that he wouldn't take me into consideration on OUR day,

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_adult-fower-girls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c4e0ebc9-0871-4033-8cc6-5a2813c3ec37Post:2678a440-d7c9-41b6-a775-efff14ad6b6a">Re: Adult Fower Girls</a>:
[QUOTE]Adult flower girls are kinda creepy to me. If your FI wants even sides, see if he can find a couple more groomsmen, Don't tell him to get over it, it is his wedding too, and its extremely disrespectful. <strong>I know everyone here is all about uneven sides,</strong> but it would irritate the F our of me to be uneven, not to mention I think its bad juju (but thats my own quirks). If my fiance told me to get over it, I would be hurt and mad that he wouldn't take me into consideration on OUR day,
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

Everybody here is not "all about uneven sides".  Many of us  here ARE about having those you care most about stand with you on your wedding day, and that means that sometimes the sides will be even and sometimes they won't.

Many of us here ARE about realizing that insisting on a random number on each side means that one values form over substance.

Many of us here ARE about allowing brides and grooms to treat their friends and family as friends and family rather than as a number or as a part of the couple.

belle:  you've completely missed the point of people saying that WPs are not about symmetry or gender.

Oh, and as for the original question:  I find adult flower girls to be ridiculous, with the single exception if they actually requested the job.

bablingbrooke

Even sides are fine until you start booting or excluding people to keep them that way.  That's where you run into trouble.  

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_adult-fower-girls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c4e0ebc9-0871-4033-8cc6-5a2813c3ec37Post:2678a440-d7c9-41b6-a775-efff14ad6b6a">Re: Adult Fower Girls</a>:
[QUOTE]Adult flower girls are kinda creepy to me. If your FI wants even sides, see if he can find a couple more groomsmen, Don't tell him to get over it, it is his wedding too, and its extremely disrespectful. I know everyone here is all about uneven sides, but it would irritate the F our of me to be uneven, not to mention I think its bad juju (but thats my own quirks). If my fiance told me to get over it, I would be hurt and mad that he wouldn't take me into consideration on OUR day,
Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

We had even sides, but not because we set out to do that. We wanted to include siblings and then we each asked our closest friend, and it worked out to two guys and two girls.

I don't get how it's "bad juju." The amount of people in my wedding party isn't going to affect how my wedding day, or my marriage, works out. Plenty of people with perfectly matched bridal parties have had shiitty weddings or messy divorces.

I also don't get how it'd irritate you. I had a great wedding and I'm very close to all four people in our wedding party, yet I was in such a bubble on our wedding day that I was lucky if I had the time to say two words to each of them. There were SO many things that happened on our wedding day that I only found out about afterward (through phtoos, videos and stories from friends).

If you're sitting there on your wedding day, or looknig at photos afterward, and thinking, "Man, things would've been perfect if only the WP was even," then that's just sad.

mbcdefg

I'll also add: MH was a groomsman a few years back. Once he saw who else was in the WP, it was glaringly obvious that he was asked to be a slot-filler to keep things even. He still participated, but it wasn't nice to know that he was there to be a number.

People DO notice when they're a fill-in, and even if they tell you to your face that they're happy to do it, they're more than likely hurt that they are being treated as a stand-in. Rounding up a bunch of guys to be extra groomsmen just to keep things even is a horrible idea.

balasj

I think the only reason to have a FG is if you happen to have a child of the appropriate age (which I say is from 3-7 or so) who is close to you.  Otherwise it is totally not necessary.  Either include these girls as BM, ask them to do a reading, or just enjoy their company as guests.