Wedding Party


CN: Best man, who originally wanted to come solo to our very small wedding is now throwing a fit because there is no room for his new girlfriend.

Looonnnnnggggg version:  FI's BM is a cool enough guy, but a TOTAL womanizer.  When FI asked him to be his BM and the planning began, we asked if he'd want to bring anyone special, or a guest in general.  At the time he actually wanted to come solo (even though we live/wedding will be a state away) because he figured he'd have better odds with my single friends. 

Fast forward to today, exactly 6 months from the wedding, and now he has found "the one" and is throwing a huge fit and really laying into FI because we said she can't come.  Our wedding location (private room in a restaurant) literally holds 32 people- I've had family events in there before and 32 is really the max- so adding another seat is not an option.  Neither is changing the location.

Knowing that etiquette says BP as well as OOT guests get to bring a guest we explained up front that we'd be happy to have him bring someone, but if he didnt want to, we were going to use his plus one and invite my single aunt (who I am close with; I'm named after he, she was the first person to hold me when I was born after my parents, she lives within walking distance of the wedding location etc etc)  So, although formal invites havent gone out yet, I've talked to her and she's super excited to come. 

He was fine with this til now.  The girl- poor thing- doesnt have any idea what she's getting into.  FI's BM has been seeing her for a few weeks- but just went out on a secret date with another friend of mine 2 nights ago (!!).  He's a chronic cheater.  Example: he has 3 kids.... 2 of whom were conceived when he was dating something OTHER than the baby momma.... ugh.

So I told him point blank that there just wasnt room and that if I allow his new flavor of the day, it would mean someone else.... who we actually KNOW, would get bumped.  He said its ridiculous and blah blah blah and I'm afraid he's literally the type of guy who would stand FI up at the wedding.  I know, I know- I've talked to FI about this a million times but they are childhood friends and idk... the friendship just wont die.



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    I think an anonymous call to "the one" is in order. Maybe some photos of him and his new "secret date." Tell him NO and stand you ground. I have no sympathy for this dickweed.
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    He already made his decision.  no do-overs!
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    I agree, I'll stand my ground.  But no, we both just have 1 attendant so if BM is a no show then he has no one to stand up for him :-(
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    In Response to <a href="">Re: BEST MAN DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!.... advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree, I'll stand my ground.  But no, we both just have 1 attendant so if BM is a no show then he has no one to stand up for him :-(
    Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]

    <div>You don't need anyone to stand up for him. I would recommend the opposite--even if you DID have someone in mind, I would say don't replace him because that would send the message to the former BM that he is totally replaceable, and it would send the message to the stand-in that he is just that--a stand-in. If he doesn't show, just go without a BM. Someone else can give a toast if they wish, and anyone over the age of 18 can sign the marriage license as witness.</div>
    White Knot
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    Wait it out, don't make a big deal. It sounds like the relationship won't last long anyway.
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    Honestly, I don't know why you're sticking to such a firm number six months in advance.  He could be in a very serious relationship by the time you send invitations (as could other WP member or other guests).  This honestly sounds like a recipe for trouble.
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    It sounds like you've planned your small wedding very carefully (and probably for good reason). The dating rituals of your various guests should not influence your guest list. They should be honored by the invite and not feel entitled to whatever the heck they want. Your paying for the venue and the food which they are happily consuming so they should sit quietly and enjoy the day. You offered the BM the choice and he basically told you he'd rather bang YOUR friends instead (what a jerk). Your FI also needs to step up a little and tell him to back off and stop harrassing you. That's part of his job as your future husband.
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