Wedding Party

The Same Time?

I know it's a bit too early to be asking my WP yet (anywhere from one to five months too early, depending on the timeline used), but I've not been able to figure something out.

Would it be considered inappropriate/bad manners/rude to ask my BMs at different times, or would it be okay to not ask them all at once? I'm going through a... weird time, friends-wise right now (2/3 of the people I initially would have asked, I haven't really spoken to in months, which makes me even more glad I didn't ask right away), and I honestly have no idea whether everything's going to get back to normal soon, or if this is a permanent change. The only person I'm completely sure of is my SIL. I don't want to wait forever to ask her, but again I'm not sure when my social situation is going to stabilize so I don't want to ask anyone else in case it flips over again.

Re: The Same Time?

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    If you're going through a rough spot right now, I would just wait.  You have the luxury of waiting -- your wedding is 11 months away.  Wait a month or two, see where you are, and make the decisions about your WP then.

    Also, you can definitely ask at different times...I did.  I would just make sure that, if your BMs are close friends with each other, they keep it quiet and don't splash it all over FB until you're finished asking your WP.

    I hope you're feeling better soon.

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    I would ask at different times.  Some people feel pressured into saying yes if you ask in one big group and everyone is saying yes.  Maybe they have some reservations they'd like to discuss with you privately (like money).

    I've been MOH in two weddings and was asked privately for both weddings.
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    I asked my BMs 7 months prior to my wedding so you can certainly still wait. And it's better to ask each person separately.  I asked each of the 4 girls within a few weeks of each other - I went to dinner with each girl individually and the last one was via a phone call. We're all in the same circle of friends, too, and no - it wasn't weird.
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
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    I actually think it's preferred to ask them individually.  That takes peer pressure off the table, and allows your friends and family to answer honestly about whether or not they accept the honor.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    I think it's fine to ask SIL within the next month or two, and wait a little longer to be sure about other friends. Ask her to keep it on the down-low, and I agree with whoever said to keep it off Facebook and stuff like that. (I also think that friends will understand if you ask family first, especially if you see the family member more often.)

    I definitely agree that you should ask each of them individually, and not in a group. That way, if someone has concerns (maybe about money, time, etc.), she won't be embarrassed to mention them to you.
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    Definitely ask them individually.  If any of them have reservations about being in the wedding, they probably won't be comfortable bringing it up with the whole group.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    Thanks! I mostly meant 'together' in terms of time (sorry that it was unclear); as in, should I ask everyone within the same week or so. But you guys are wonderful enough to have answered my question even though I didn't ask it right! :)
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    I think I asked all four of mine within a couple months of each other.  I asked two at the same time because it was one of those situations where one will be on the phone to the other within 30 seconds so I asked one then told her that I was about to call the other so to hold her horses for fifteen minutes :)
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