Help- One of My Bridesmaid is driving me crazy

RanaE15

One of my bridesmaids that I’ve known for over 12 years or calls herself one of my best friends has been fighting me on everything. I understand that she is having money problems but I have not asked her for anything more then what is expected of her being in a wedding. I wanted my girls to all wear matching gold shoes, everyone agreed and thought it would be a great idea, she replies back all snotty saying “I have 2 pairs of gold shoes so I am wearing my own” that’s fine but the way she replied to me was rude. She does not want to have her makeup down by the makeup artist coming to the house; she is going to do her own to save money, fine. I asked the girls to all get their dress alterations done at the same place, I’ve know the lady for years and she is the best and the dresses will be difficult to hem.. Now she decides that she wants to do her own dress alterations, because she went to design school 7 years ago and thinks she knows what she is doing even though she works at a bank and has not done alterations in years. She is all together ignoring my request I will not have it.

 

She is also fighting my Maid of Honour (my sister) about everything she wants to do for the Bachelorette and shower and everything else. Every time I ask the girls for something she has to email me and tell me about her money problems and that she is going to do everything she can to save herself money, I asked her to be in my wedding 1 year and a half ago…AAAHHHH what do I do??

mgietler76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_one-of-bridesmaid-driving-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c686bf8b-a076-47ef-bd19-bdb99c0a7d44Post:9cd19120-26b0-4770-a870-3b8443ff8e8f">Help- One of My Bridesmaid is driving me crazy</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids that I’ve known for over 12 years or calls herself one of my best friends has been fighting me on everything. I understand that she is having money problems but I have not asked her for anything more then <strong>what is expected of her being in a wedding.</strong>

All that is "required" is for her to get a dress within her budget and show up clean and sober on the wedding day.

I wanted my girls to all wear matching gold shoes, everyone agreed and thought it would be a great idea, she replies back all snotty saying<strong> “I have 2 pairs of gold shoes so I am wearing my own” that’s fine but the way she replied to me was rude.
</strong>
Let this go

She does not want to have her makeup down by the makeup artist coming to the house; she is going to do her own to save money, fine. I asked the girls to all get their dress alterations done at the same place, I’ve know the lady for years and she is the best and the dresses will be difficult to hem..<strong> Now she decides that she wants to do her own dress alterations, because she went to design school 7 years ago and thinks she knows what she is doing even though she works at a bank and has not done alterations in years.</strong>

You cannot dictate where or whom alters her dress, if she knows how to do it than let her save the money.

She is all together ignoring my request I will not have it.   She is also fighting my Maid of Honour (my sister) about everything she wants to do for the Bachelorette and shower and everything else. <strong>Every time I ask the girls for something she has to email me and tell me about her money problems and that she is going to do everything she can to save herself money</strong>,

She has told you mulitple times that she has money issues, it os not your place or business to question or judge or financial situation. Have you tired offering to help pay for some things to help lighten the load? People's situations change all the time so it doesn't matter if you asked her a year ago.
 
I asked her to be in my wedding 1 year and a half ago…AAAHHHH <strong>what do I do??

</strong>You remember that she is your friend and there was a reason you asked her to stand with you on your wedding day. Understand that not everyone will be as excited about your wedding as you. Take her out for coffee or something and talk to your friend about what's going on with her life and don't bring up the wedding.
Posted by RanaE15[/QUOTE]

frogurt814

The only thing she needs to do is buy the dress.  If you are requiring hair/makeup, matching shoes, matching accessories, etc, then you need to pay for those things.

There's nothing wrong with asking everyone to wear gold shoes, but if you require they all have the same shoes, then you need to purchase those for all of your BMs.

Regardless of how long she has known about being a BM, it's not up to you how she spends/saves money.  I'd like to think that you would be more considerate and understanding of your friend.  If she can't afford certain things, then offer to help her out or just don't make a big deal out of it.

If you really want her to get her makeup done with you then offer to pay for it.  Otherwise, just let her do her own makeup.  It's really not a big deal.

I think you need to calm down and realize that your wedding is of course a major event in your life, but it is not a major event in your friends' lives.

bablingbrooke

Let her wear her own damn pair of shoes!  If you require matching shoes, you have to pay.  If you require jewelry, or hair, or makeup, you have to pay.  If she doesn't want to attend or pay for parties for you, that's her right.  If she wants to alter her own dress, that's her right.  You are not in charge of her life, so stop trying to micromanage the WP so much.  It screams "IMMATURE BRIDE!" and I'm sure you're not an otherwise immature person.

Be sensitive.  Just because you have a ring on your finger doesn't mean you're entitled to this girl's paycheck.

marissa_claire

To be honest, you didn't give the greatest of examples.  She has every right to use her own shoes, to do her own makeup and alterations.  If you're going to make her buy all that stuff, then you either better be paying for it or it better be included in the original budget she gave you as to what she could afford.  

And if she's fighting your MOH, let your MOH deal with that.  That's not your business.

Lastly, if she's expressing to you financial concerns, the last thing you should be doing is coming on here and saying "I can't believe she wants to save money by not having her makeup done."  She's clearly looking for ways to cut corners so she can be there on the wedding day, and truth be told that's all that matters.  If you don't want her by your side because of her budget, then I think you're being ridiculous.

mbcdefg

You are 100% wrong by asking them to wear matching shoes, get pro makeup and use a specific tailor. If you are going to make these requests then YOU need to pay for it. It stinks if she's snotty about it, but frankly, she has the right to be because it is unfair of you to make these demands.

The shower and bachelorette plans are none of your business. These are parties thrown in your honor, and you're lucky to receive them at all (since no bride is ever entitled to them or owed them). Let them settle it amongst themselves and do not get involved.

banana468

I have to say that you really need to let this go.

She may be abrasive as she responds, but  the examples you're using are not ones to show that she's being bad.  It comes off as you being a bit micro-managy.  And you may not think of it as that - but it comes off as that to someone not involved.

When it comes to the shower, stay out of it.  It's a party for you so you shouldn't know what's going on with it.

And remember, asking a year and a half out does not mean that people are going to be making a bank account for your wedding. 

aerinpegadrak

I'd probably get a little pissy with a friend who was making such unreasonable demands of me as well.  Most of my bridesmaids were having various financial issues as well, so we just worked around it and I kept things flexible so that it wouldn't be a burden.  It's just called being a good friend.  I would feel awful if I found out that one of my friends was having to make cutbacks in her personal life in order to do a favor for me.

jenn.daniel

Just let it go.