Wedding Party

To include or not to include

I'm in a bridal party dilemna.  Let me tell you my initial decision for chosing bridesmaids and then tell you the complicating issues and you tell me if I should change my mind.  In my current bridal party I have 4 people- my sister, my best friend (of about 12-13 years), and my fiance's 2 sisters.  My fiance has a grooms party of 5 (2 brothers-in-law, 1 brother, 2 best friends).  I decided to pick my bridesmaids based on family and included the 1 friend who I feel most connected with, who has been with me through ups and downs.

Here's where the complications come in... I have a friend who is the fiance of my fiance's best friend.  We've been able to bond through the past months, helping each other with the wedding, with personal issues, and such.  She's asked me to be one of her bridesmaids, but I just don't feel like I should ask her to be one of mine.  She's been a great help with the wedding and we've included each other on a lot related to each others' wedding but I don't know if our friendship will really last past the weddings... is there a way I can make her feel included (and appreciated) in my wedding but without making her a bridesmaid?

Re: To include or not to include

  • Just ask her to be a guest.  Outside of the WP or being a reader, anything else is work (not an honor) and good friends shouldn't be asked to work at the wedding.  

    Weddings aren't tit-for-tat.  She asked you to be a BM after she knew she wasn't one of yours.  She didn't ask you so that she could get an invite to BE in the wedding.  I think it would be great to take her out or do something else nice for her to show your appreciation of all she's done to help you with the wedding.  But I wouldn't invent a job in the wedding for her so she feels included.
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  • She's invited to your wedding, correct? That is an honor. Don't worry about "making her feel special". We're all adults here. You know that your friendship is not that close or substantial and she's not family. If she's mature, she'll realize that just because she invited you to be in hers, doesn't mean that you need to "return the favor".

    I wouldn't worry about it.
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  • Those are great suggestions. Thank you!

    I think I will take her out to dinner or something special so that I can tell her how much the support has meant to me (in case she doesn't know how much it has been appreciated).
  • Just enjoy her friendship. If she isn't in the WP, don't bring up wedding stuff with her unless you two just feel like chatting about wedding planning - but even that can put you in an awkward position since you don't plan on asking her to be your WP while she's in yours.

    Don't bring it up, and just continue on with her friendship.
  • If she's your FI's best friend's future wife, why would you think the friendship would diminsh after the weddings?
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  • One of my BM's is getting married before me (she got engaged after me and after I asked her to be in my WP) and I am not in her WP.  It isn't a problem to me, I get that she has other people that are closer and I am still thrilled to help her with what I can.  So don't worry about it too much, she probably is OK with it.
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