too many bridesmaids

sweetbet

Can I disinvite a bridesmaid? I invited her because she is my fiances best friends girlfriend for years and she hasn't been involved at all in any of our events. she cannot even make it to rehersal. I don't know her that well and I already have 9 bridesmaids which is too many

AdeleDazeem

There's really no good reason to kick out a bridesmaid because it is a public slight to the girl being kicked out.  Short of trying to murder your family members or sleep with your fiance, you're stuck.

Imagine this conversation at your wedding:
A: Oh!  Look at the bridesmaids!  Don't they have pretty dresses.
ExBM: Yeah.  I was supposed to be a bridesmaid, but the bride kicked me out.
A: oh really?  That's not very nice.
ExBM: **nothing she says here will make you look non-bridezilla**

She doesn't have to show interest in your pre-wedding parties and rehearsals aren't mandatory.  She is required to buy the dress and show up the wedding.  Lower your expectations for this one bridesmaid and don't let her get to you.  As long as she shows up, dressed appropriately, and not drunk at your wedding, consider it a win.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many-bridesmaids-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c9bb09c3-cf23-4caa-a379-710db6f407bcPost:32bcdeee-483b-466b-a6d8-4e6e4a3c478c">too many bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I disinvite a bridesmaid? I invited her because she is my fiances best friends girlfriend for years and she hasn't been involved at all in any of our events. she cannot even make it to rehersal. I don't know her that well and I already have 9 bridesmaids which is too many
Posted by sweetbet[/QUOTE]

banana468

You can't remove her without it being a huge slight.  The way you describe the relationship, it could also create issues with your FI and his best friend.  Just let it go.

mkrupar

If you think 9 bridesmaids is too many why did you ask all of them in the first place?

You cannot disinvite her. As PP said all she has to do is get the dress and show up at the wedding Why did you ask her in the first place? Was it just because she's the GF of your FI's best friend? That was a silly reason to ask in the first place.

AutumnFair

Speaking from experience of being kicked out because of having "too many" people, no, you will be viewed as a Bridezilla, cause hurt feelings, and damage any type of past, current, or future relationship with your FI's best friend's girlfriend and good chance FI's best friend. 

She does not have to do anything besides get her dress and be present the day of your wedding. Showing interest, doing wedding stuff, planning parties are not required. 

megk8oz

Once you ask, there are "no backsies" unless you're 100% ok with possibly never speaking to the booted party again. It's not her fault that you felt compelled to ask her for some reason, and you shouldn't be punishing her for your mistake.

The only thing your WP is actually "required" to do is get the attire and show up wearing it the day of the wedding. Sure, it's awesome if they volunteer to do more ... but if they can't/won't for whatever reason, they haven't done anything wrong.

9 times out of 10, whenever a BM gets kicked out, short of trying to actually ruin the wedding (By say, trying to seduce the groom, or deliberately lighting your wedding dress on fire), people are going to assume the bride was just being a controlling 'zilla when somebody gets booted. Considering that her boyfriend is your FI's best friend, I assure you, somebody is going to ask her what happened.

And since her boyfriend is so close with your FI, you're now running the risk of damaging their friendship as well. Personally, I think kicking her out is going to cause way more problems than the imaginary ones keeping her in seems to be creating.

Besides, kicking her out still leaves you with 8 ...  if you actually have the gall to say you did it because you had "too many" and still have 8 people standing up for you ... well, frankly, nobody's going to believe that's the real reason ... and nobody is going think it's a "good" one, so you're really just setting yourself up to look very bad here.

trix1223

Ditto pps.  There just isn't any way that you come out well after booting her to the curb.  If you do this, people probably will talk about you on your wedding day.  But it won't be about how beautiful you look or how happy you are.

Ask youself:  how will it HELP your WP and/or your ceremony if you boot her?  Answer:  it won't.

mbcdefg

Nope.

mm133123

Nope, you can not take it back.  Why would you ask someone you're not even close to? It is supposed to be for close friends and family.  9 is a lot, but how many people are you inviting to your wedding??  If it's a huge wedding, maybe 9 wont seem too bad.  You could have them walk down the aisle in groups of 3 and then have them sit in a pew so it does not look too crowded.  9 is a lot though...