Can't decide on a maid of honor!

singergirl2084

I don't know what to do. I have 2 friends that I would love to have as a maid of honor but I truly can't decide! One friend I've known since high school and we're close, one is a college friend and we're also very close. I had the idea of having 2 maids of honor and 2 bridesmaids. My mother thinks it's a horrible idea, especially because there's only going to be one best man. I don't want to offend either one, I love them both! Someone told me to take both of them out to lunch, tell them how I feel and let them decide.

Any ideas?

mbcdefg

You can certainly have them both as Maid of Honor, and let the Best Man escort both of them, one on each arm (lucky guy!).

Or don't designate a MOH at all, and tell all the girls that they are equally special to you and that you don't want to choose between them.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-decide-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cd1e2564-9c10-4c1a-b7cd-f238a1124e0ePost:037d35ae-de36-44b1-b137-71a853415572">Can't decide on a maid of honor!</a>:
[QUOTE]Someone told me to take both of them out to lunch, tell them how I feel and let them decide. Any ideas?
Posted by singergirl2084[/QUOTE]

Ugh, PLEASE don't follow this person's advice. You would highly insult and embarrass your friends by doing this.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-decide-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cd1e2564-9c10-4c1a-b7cd-f238a1124e0ePost:037d35ae-de36-44b1-b137-71a853415572">Can't decide on a maid of honor!</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know what to do. I have 2 friends that I would love to have as a maid of honor but I truly can't decide! One friend I've known since high school and we're close, one is a college friend and we're also very close. I had the idea of having 2 maids of honor and 2 bridesmaids. My mother thinks it's a horrible idea, especially because there's only going to be one best man. I don't want to offend either one, I love them both! Someone told me to take both of them out to lunch, tell them how I feel and let them decide. Any ideas?
Posted by singergirl2084[/QUOTE]

Let me start by saying that I've been MOB and MOG, and with all due respect, your mom is still thinking as we did back when WE were married.  Then we had to have even sides, and no one would have dreamed of having mixed gender sides as well.

Hooray for your generation!  That has all changed.  Now people realize that WPs are NOT about symmetry and they are NOT about gender.  They are about having those you care most about stand with you on your wedding day.

So if it would help, send your mom here and let her read the responses from people planning weddings now, and she'll (I hope) re-think her stance on 2 MOH and 1 BM.

Go ahead and have 2 MOH and 2 BM.  Or have no MOH and all BMs.  It's really just a pretty random title anyway, isn't it?

But please, please, please DON'T take your two friends out and ask THEM to decide.  That's really terrible advice.  How exactly does a conversation like that go?

I love you both, but numbers are more important to me than your feelings.  So how about it?  Rock, paper, scissors to see who gets to be MOH?"

Awful idea.

Kmason21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_cant-decide-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cd1e2564-9c10-4c1a-b7cd-f238a1124e0ePost:2e00734c-ce4c-4d1a-b507-13be58c42f05">Re: Can't decide on a maid of honor!</a>:
[QUOTE]If you can't decide because you're not 100% set on either, have no MOH and only BMs. If you can't decide because you completely want both and can't choose, have both. Uneven doesn't matter, it's about how you feel about these people.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

This exactly!  I was in a similar situation, so I just got rid of having an MOH at all.
Now I have 4 "best girls"/Bridesmaids.

LesPaul

Sides don't have to be even, and you don't have to bestow the 'MOH" title on anyone.  My daughters and stepdaughter were my BMs, and no one was designated as superior to the others.

kmiller1012

I'm having 2 MOH and my FI is only having 1 BM.  We both have 4 people in our wedding party so one of the MOH's will walk w/a GM.  Its not a big deal, I just didn't want to have to choose b/w my sisters.

katanne9

I was in a similar situation. I'm opting for no MOH at all! Save yourself the stress!

sms274

We are having two of each (MOH and Best Men), but as far as walking down the aisle goes, generally you will want at least one guy up front with your FH, so you could have your girls walk down solos\.

We are having his two best men stand up fornt with him and doing that with my MOHs. I think it kind of sets them apart from the BMs and that would deifnitely solve your uneven walking situation.

If having them both as MOH is what you want just remember it's your day, your mom had hers and had the opportunity to do it her way as well, so if that's what you decide you want, go for it. I'm sure she will understand that you care too much about both to choose one over the otehr.

lizzetteduran

I had the same issue.  I have a best friend from childhood whom we always planned to be in each others wedding.  I was her MOH when she got married 5 years ago but now she she lives in another country.  So when it came to my marriage (which is in 8 weeks) it went without saying.  However, I have a "best friend" now in my adult life and she has been a dear part of my life.  I wanted to "honor" both of them and have them both be my MOHs.  So one is the matron of honor (since she is married) and the other is the maid of honor.  Either way, what I was repeatedly told is that it is YOUR day and you can do what you want.  Best of luck....

jessica102706

We have the opposite...2 best men and 1 maid of honor. My fiance has 2 best friends and they have all known each other since HS.

Now I was torn on who my MOH should be too. I felt that I should have my sister and people kept telling me that it HAD to be my sis. Some people thought it was just awful that I ended up choosing my friend instead of my sister but I havent doubted my choice for one second. My sister is flaky and unreliable! I need someone I can count on. I am not high maintenance but I want someone to be there with me and that has not been my sis. She even forgot to ask off work for my shower so she will not even be there! Now those people (mothers, aunts, grandmas) that told me it was wrong have apologized and said that I obviously made the right decision. I dont know if you are worried about hurting someones feeling but if that is the case just go with your gut. If thats not the case and you truly cant decide - have 2 MOHs.

karialex

I had a similar situation as Jessica above... my friend and I had been friends since we were kids and always said we'd be each other's MOH... I was her MOH in her wedding 3 years ago and she'll be mine... however, I made a fantastic friend, who I love dearly and she definitely deserved a title as well... so, since my old friend was already married, she'll be my matron of honor and my newer friend will be my maid of honor. HTH

littlemoments324

We're having 2 BM's and 1 MOH...All 3 will walk down together....No biggie! 

iloveu4ever

You can have 2 maids of honor and 2 bridesmaids nothing wrong with that. It is your wedding what makes you happy that is all that matters. I am the same way. I want to make everyone else happy but my fiance says it only matters if I am happy true but I usually take care of others before me.

ms15

if one is marrieed and the other is single one can be matron of honor and the other maid of honor.  that's how I had planned on my 2 BFs being my MOH.

ParadiseKiss

My sister is a living disaster and my future sister in law is controlling as hell, so I don't really want either of them as bridesmaids. However, my FI chose his brother as one of his men (the other is a close friend of his), and now I feel obligated to put the sibs in the wedding party. My best girly friend can't attend the wedding because of personal reasons, and I don't really have other close girly friends, and my father (who is paying for the wedding) ve-toed the idea of my best guy friend as a bridesman. my FI doesn't want to stand up there without some bro-support, and I feel like it would be weird for me not to have anyone up on my end.

Any clever solutions? Please help!