I've read a few posts on here about WP's and BM's, but none really spoke to my specific situation. So, here goes.
My FI proposed on Christmas Day 2010. To preface, my parents are not financially able to pay for our wedding, so the entire shebang is on our dime. I don't mind at all, but like others, we're beginning the big plans wayyyy in advance to ensure we can do everything on time and still pay bills, eat, and put gas in the car. I knew who my MOH would be right away (best friend from my home state.. I'm from MI and live in NV), and I knew who I wished to have as my only BM, a girlfriend whom I had known for about a year and a half, whom I felt closer to than people I would consider acquaintances. Both my girls said yes, and everything was hunky dory up until just recently.
We used to see my BM and her hubby pretty often, then all of a sudden they stopped making plans with us and sort of fell off the map. My BM literally hadn't spoken to me since roughly March 2011 at a charity event that my mother and I attended (my BM was a booster for this charity)... well, my mom noticed that my BM wouldn't say a word to her, and that she barely spoke to me at all. The event was so hectic and ill-planned that I really didn't notice, really - and at the time I didn't care, as we were there to support her cause for charity. Over the next few months I tried calling, emailing, texting... to not much more than wayward "like" toward a status message on facebook. I left things to lay low, thinking something was happening in her personal life that she didnt wish to share, and that everything would come out in the wash.
Out of the blue, about two months ago, she tells me that she and her hubby intend on moving away from NV by the spring of 2012. I had no idea they were planning this - not that I should be forefront when they're going through the pre-planning stages, but I felt a bit hurt that she didn't at least tell me that she probably would not be living in the same state any longer. A big reason I asked my BM to be in the wedding is because she lived close to me, so that I could have someone local to girl-talk with, go dress shopping with, even just grab a cup of coffee with on occasion. When I brought up that I was concerned that she wouldn't be nearby any longer and it would be tough on her to have to fly back and forth, she commented that "She just didn't see what the big deal was". (Insert me feeling more swept under the rug, here.)
She then, about a week later, bailed on lunch plans that we'd made and said that unless it was an emergency, she'd just rather do it on a time/day that was better for her. Gritting my teeth but trying not to be a bitch I say, "Okay, that's no problem, just next time let me know. What day would work better for you?" Havn't heard from her since.
My MOH's best advice was that, whatever I decide to do, make the BM feel like it was "all her idea" and "all about her", even if it isn't -- which I agree with. I know it's poor taste to boot someone from your wedding party... but if they're not even taking part in the role (and are treating you like crap), what do you do? I'm still completely lost as to why this friendship has gone awry, and in the facebook/email/iphone age when it's next to impossible to ignore somebody, she manages to ignore me just fine.
Any tips? Thoughts? Kind words?
