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bridesmaid trouble

My Fiance and I have had a long engagement. We got engaged a year ago and like idiots after he proposed we asked people to be in the wedding and we arent getting married until next year. I have a bridesmaid that I never talk to at all. I tried to call her to get together, I have left messeges about wedding questions and no call back. She needed a job and I got her a job working for my dad, she said she was interested and never called him back and blew him off too.  I dont think she will be around when it comes to crunch time because she hasnt been that reliable. So I am thinking of telling her I am only having 3 bridesmaids my sister and my 2 best friends..... How else could I tell her???? I need some ideas on how to handle this......

Re: bridesmaid trouble

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    It's going to suck no matter how you put it.  Just remember that if you do this, you run the risk of ending your friendship with her.  
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    Ditto jagore.

    You kick her out, you lose a friend. 
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    Like PP said if you kick her out you most likely ruin a friendship.  I know she hasn't been calling you back, so maybe you can email her or just show up to her house one day?  If you can get a hold of her I would try and just ask her if she is still okay with being a BM, as you know its a long engagement and things can chance with finances and availability in the stretch.  Or like another PP said just wait it out and send her the dress you want, or call her for dress shopping.  If she still ignores you or doesn't answer then you know she is out.

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    Well if you never talk to her anyways, why even tell her she's not a bridesmaid anymore?
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
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    I would just give her the information about what dress to get and then leave the ball in her court. It sounds like she probably wouldn't get it anyway, so if that happens then she's taken herself out of the wedding party and you are free from blame.

    Unless you want to leave her a message saying, "I don't think we should be friends anymore, so I want you out of the wedding party and you're not welcome as a guest, either. I don't want to speak to you anymore."

    I think it's easier to just leave her a message about the dress, though, and then it's up to her.
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    Just send her the dress information and don't say anything else about it to her.  If she doesn't get the dress or respond I would consider that her not participating!   You CANNOT kick her out!  Let her drop out on her own.

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    Well since kicking her out will end your friendship just hire a barbershop quartet to sing a song about how she sucks as a bridesmaid and is hereby removed from the wedding and guest list.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-trouble-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cfb39c75-8d5c-4d0c-8dfc-d301c52872aaPost:199435bf-59b0-43cb-adc0-13e837710b60">Re: bridesmaid trouble</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well if you never talk to her anyways, why even tell her she's not a bridesmaid anymore?
    Posted by loop0406[/QUOTE]

    <div>Because that would make for a very awkward situation when she shows up for the wedding day expecting to be in the WP.  Don't be passive aggressive.  If you don't want her there and you no longer care about the friendship then have the balls to tell her the truth.</div>
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    it is true if you let her know she is no longer part of the WP you will loose her as a friend- so ask your self truly how important is she to you?
    I would not suggest as others have mentioned giving her the dress info and leaving it in her court.....ill give you my story and maybe you can learn from my mistakes..
     i got engaged a year ago, asked all my long time girlfriends to be my BMs.  I dont get married until september of this year and i pretty much do not see any of the girls anymore as we have all sort of drifted. no biggie bc they are lifelong friends right? Nope.  I told the girls the bm dresses had to be ordered by president's day...the second week in march i had one girl whom i had to tell if she didnt get the dress by tuesday she is no longer in the wedding...she wrote a check...fast forward to my bridal shower...she was a no show-has not called me to tell me hey sorry i couldnt make it, has not returned my MOH calls who is trying to get money for the BM gift ( no longer trying)...so i said enough, i called the dress shop to see what she paid for the dress so i could reimburse her and the shop accordingly..turns out her check bounced. i now have to pay for her dress even though it was abundantly clear she could care less about me.  $200 life lesson....

    make your decision based on what you feel in your heart-do not keep giving her chances because you could end up being burned at a time in your life when you have so many other stressful ( yet amazingly wonderful) things going on-its something not worth the hassle

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    I was afraid this would happen to me too, I've had a long engagement (engaged in September, not getting married til June 2011). My friends have been bugging me and dropping hints to try and get me to ask them, but I'm just not sure if I'm ready yet for this reason. I agree with the others and just give her the info on the dress, etc. and if it was meant to be, it will all work out. If she doesn't respond, then consider her out of the WP and have fun with the other girls.
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    Thanks for all your replys I appreciate the help. When we first started planning the wedding we had 160 pp on the list, I have cut it to 80 pp. My MOH is my sister and by 2 best friends are my other bridesmaids. This girl is a friend of mine, but not a best friend. So my thought was if i cut the list I could tell her Im cutting down the bridesmaids too....I have emailed her the dress I want, and ideas on bridesmaids dresses and a bunch of other ideas. Everyone else has replied except for her. We do have mutual friends and she has no problem calling them back.....

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    i agree with those that say just give her dress info, if she shows up, she's still in. if she doesn't, no reason to keep chasing her around. your the bride, why do you have to chase around a BM whos not really doing what she needs to do?
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    I'd also just send her the dress information - most people on here are saying that you'll lose a friend. Doesn't sound like she's much of a friend to begin with, anyway...

    Maybe it's her [crappy] way of telling you she doesn't want to be in the wedding anymore, and she doesn't know how to address it? You could try to give her an out by saying "Here's the dress, here's the location - I realize it's been a while since I've asked everyone to be in my wedding, and circumstances may have changed since then. If you're unable to be in the wedding, please let me know!"
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    A bridesmaid is not just for the day of the wedding. This person is supposed to be around for you in the future.. If she can´t be here for you now, then she most likely won´t be there for you in the future.

    I know it will be hard, but it sounds like she is creating a lot of stress for you.  In the end, you must be happy and should be surrounded by people who are happy for you and support you.

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