Sneaky soon to be in laws...

funnydbzchick2000

Ok here is the thing, My soon to be mother in law took my fiance's money so he would not get married ( it is about 1,000 dollars) and so he would live with her. My fiance's father wants him to stay home because him and his m other are getting a divorce so they can "casually date" each other.  My fiacne is frustrated and is saying he does not want neither one of his parents in the wedding and his mother has actually set us back by stealing the money.  We know she did because when asked she said " I just dont want to lose my only son" . But I am so confused because he is telling me its all on me about what we should do. What should I do about the missing money? I mean I guess I can not call the police. What should I do about my inlaws? *( I mean his dad is bring his fiance to the wedding when he is still "dating" his wife!)  How do I get get out of the 1000 dollar hole? HELP!!!!

marissa_claire

If his mom really did take money, I would personally tell them you're going to call the police.  Bluffing or not, what they did was wrong and against the law.  

MyNameIsNot

WTF?

Run.  Fast.

frogurt814

I'm also confused about the money.  If she stole it then you need to call the police.  Stealing is stealing.  However, if say, the mom's name is also on your FI's bank account, then legally, there's nothing you can do.  Although, that doesn't sound like the case because you would have evidence from the bank of who made the withdrawal.

Ditto PPs.  Run. Run fast.

mgietler76

I'm also a little confused, why can't you call the police? I don't understand his living situation either. You don't have an in-law problem you have a FI problem.

frogurt814

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sneaky-soon-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d0886f12-b83f-4035-a150-ebe83b89f05fPost:817a5aa2-7afc-4700-9325-418d8baac2ef">Re: Sneaky soon to be in laws...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sneaky soon to be in laws... : and I will not even state my opinion on marrying a man who still shares his bank account with his mommy.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
Stage, when H and I were going to combine bank accounts, we found out that his mom's name was still on his bank account because when he opened it, he was under 18 so he had to have someone over 18 on the account.  He forgot she was even still on there.  That's kind of what I was getting at.

But if he just shares a bank account with his mom then yes, that would be totally weird.

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]Stage, when H and I were going to combine bank accounts, we found out that his mom's name was still on his bank account because when he opened it, he was under 18 so he had to have someone over 18 on the account.  He forgot she was even still on there.  That's kind of what I was getting at. But if he just shares a bank account with his mom then yes, that would be totally weird.
Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]
We've had accounts linked to our parents' for similar reasons - being a minor, or needing them to be linked for things like grocery money when we were abroad and DH's car payment since his primary income was tip based during college and his car died at the same time as the Detroit bailouts and banks scrambling to tighten their loan requirements.  But they are not linked to our primary accounts since we got married and the only parent who did things like look at account activity was promptly removed.  Otherwise we just never bothered to unlink them.

jenn.daniel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sneaky-soon-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d0886f12-b83f-4035-a150-ebe83b89f05fPost:0297baef-61ac-4908-8a15-45774dce7c96">Re: Sneaky soon to be in laws...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sneaky soon to be in laws... : Stage, when H and I were going to combine bank accounts, we found out that his mom's name was still on his bank account because when he opened it, he was under 18 so he had to have someone over 18 on the account.  He forgot she was even still on there.  That's kind of what I was getting at. But if he just shares a bank account with his mom then yes, that would be totally weird.
Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]

My mom is still on a CD I have.  I wasn't allowed to get a CD by myself at 15, and I never think to go to the bank and change it when I visit my parents.

Also my Uncle Brian shares a bank account w/his mom, my grandma.  Something to do with taxes.  It's not an account he uses though, it's for grandma's use.

OP your FILs still sound crazy. 

filaw

Yeah I think parents get left on bank accounts opened when under 18 a lot.  I'd never thought about it, but my parents are probably still on mine too.  It's not like the bank has ever said, oh I see you parents are on your account still and you're 26, would you like to change that?  Which would pretty much be the only way it'd even occur to me.

MyNameIsNot

I had a checking account with my mom on it until I was about 25.  When I decided to change banks, that issue resolved itself.

But, my mother never got a copy of the statement, she didn't have a debit card or checks, and she didn't use the account.  If she was the type of person that would take $1000 out of it, I would have taken her name off on my 18th birthday.  

gottahavashorti

All of those things would be really strange, MNIN!  Even when I was little and had a savings account with both my name and my mom's on the deposit slips and all of the statements, my mom let me open my own statements and keep the book of deposit slips in my possession.  She just helped me fill them out.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sneaky-soon-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d0886f12-b83f-4035-a150-ebe83b89f05fPost:ed289892-c8a6-4fad-89b9-082213591ff5">Sneaky soon to be in laws...</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok here is the thing, My soon to be mother in law took my fiance's money so he would not get married ( it is about 1,000 dollars) and so he would live with her. My fiance's father wants him to stay home because him and his m other are getting a divorce so they can "casually date" each other.  My fiacne is frustrated and is saying he does not want neither one of his parents in the wedding and his mother has actually set us back by stealing the money.  We know she did because when asked she said " I just dont want to lose my only son" . But I am so confused because he is telling me its all on me about what we should do. What should I do about the missing money? I mean I guess I can not call the police. What should I do about my inlaws? *( I mean his dad is bring his fiance to the wedding when he is still "dating" his wife!)  How do I get get out of the 1000 dollar hole? HELP!!!!
Posted by funnydbzchick2000[/QUOTE]

bablingbrooke

I'm 26 and my primary bank account is still technically joint with my mom because I opened it when I was 9, the bank can't delete her name from it, and it's too much of a hassle to re-link everything in my life to a new bank account.  DH and I have a joint account linked to it and it's as if my mom isn't involved at all (I don't even think she knows it's still her account).  I don't think that's necessarily a problem on the surface that they share a bank account.  

Having said that, the fact that he hasn't 1) immediately closed the account, 2) demanded his money back, and 3) set up some boundaries with this woman is what raises a red flag for me.  The whole thing sounds so Jerry Springer-ish that I think you need to run as fast as you can.  

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sneaky-soon-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d0886f12-b83f-4035-a150-ebe83b89f05fPost:9729c6d5-d3d0-4ddd-b5af-96edc9ebe811">Re: Sneaky soon to be in laws...</a>:
[QUOTE]Having said that, the fact that he hasn't 1) immediately closed the account, 2) demanded his money back, and 3) set up some boundaries with this woman is what raises a red flag for me.  The whole thing sounds so Jerry Springer-ish that I think you need to run as fast as you can.  
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Ditto this.

bablingbrooke

Also, him blaming you for this speaks VOLUMES about this relationship and I think it needs to end because this is not remotely normal behaviour.  

I also am really curious how old you guys are; I don't ask to be snarky, I genuinely want to know.  If you're 18, that could be why his mom is freaking out and it would make some (some!) sense to me that she wouldn't want him getting married.  If you're 25, you need to run for the hills.

roaaoife

It's not on you. It's HIS family, so it's on HIM. If my parents stole from me like that (not that would because they are sane), it would ruin our relationship.  

Frankly, I don't think you should be involved with these people at all. Everything else aside (because people make all sorts of relationship decisions that it's not my place to judge), they STOLE from you.  That they even thought this was acceptable behavior shows that they are unbalanced.  

I understand that you love your fiance.  You're marrying him, after all.  But you need to firm with him- this is not ok, and if this is how they are going to act then won't be a part of your lives.  If momma is so worried about losing her baby boy that she's driven to steal from him, make it clear that she will lose him completely if she continues with this.  

If he is still a wuss and won't deal with it, (something that should cause you to reconsider your relationship, because you clearly aren't important enough to him for him to deal with his out-of-line parents) then tell them there will be no contact with them until the money is returned.  Then make it clear that you will cut communication with them if they ever try something like this again.  

And really, really think about how much you want to take care of this big baby for the rest of your life.  Make sure you are as important to him as he is to you- otherwise, you are in for a lifetime of misery.

sessionswedding

OP, please get away from these people.  I know the type of people you are dealing with, and I have no way to describe them nicely.

trix1223

Honey lamb, you have far bigger problems than missing money.  This is a recipe for disaster.  I hope you are always prepared to be second to your FI's mama, because that's exactly where you're heading. 

If you are okay with having her involved in every single aspect of your lives, and him deferring to her on all decisions, then marry him.  If you are okay with constant recurring drama and histrionics in your marriage from his mama, then marry this guy.  If you are prepared for constant interference if you have children, then go through with the wedding.

However, if you want a marriage with a man who will put you first and stand up for you in the face of mama drama, then you might want to rethink the whole wedding.  I get that you love him.  But I'm sorry to say that I don't think he loves you as much as you love him.

If you can't leave the relationship just yet:  I have three more words for you:

Couples.  Counseling.  NOW.

GL

RebeccaB88

I'm still not convinced this is all real...

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_sneaky-soon-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d0886f12-b83f-4035-a150-ebe83b89f05fPost:817a5aa2-7afc-4700-9325-418d8baac2ef">Re: Sneaky soon to be in laws...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sneaky soon to be in laws... : and I will not even state my opinion on marrying a man who still shares his bank account with his mommy.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

My thoughts, exactly!!  I actually wonder if the OP is legit.