Poll: Wear your engagement ring to a job interview?

bablingbrooke

I've heard lots of different opinions on the subject, so I was curious what you ladies think.  I've attached my first TK-style poll, also, so I'd love feedback on it

stina93446

My job interviews are auditions, so I will take it off if it's going to hold me back. If the character is supposed to be 17 I will take it off....if the character is engaged, married, etc, I'll wear it. 

The Mel and Todd Show

I never heard of this until TK...I would never think twice about wearing it on an interview. 

(I voted "you don't know me!" because it made me laugh and because I'm apparently ill informed about this entire topic). 

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_poll-wear-engagement-ring-job-interview?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d20994c3-3b25-431e-b90f-bb5b71e719d9Post:f02964c5-ad6f-4491-ab52-9743667f2f76">Re: Poll: Wear your engagement ring to a job interview?</a>:
[QUOTE](I voted "you don't know me!" because it made me laugh and because I'm apparently ill informed about this entire topic). 
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]
I've been wanting a "you don't know me!" button on TK for some time because it seems to be a favourite response to advice one does not want to hear :)

emilyinchile

There was a post on E about this the other day. I understand the concerns about employers seeing a ring and worrying about you popping out babies or taking time off for a honeymoon, but I also don't think I would be happy in an environment that would base a hiring decision on that, so I'd wear it.

bablingbrooke

I read an article last month on msnbc.com that suggested that a lot of employers will not hire a woman with a large engagement ring because the perception is that she must not really need the job.  Made my blood boil but I don't doubt it happens.  

megk8oz

I honestly don't foresee myself doing anything for a living where being married or having a family could be considered a "hindrance" (I'm pretty much only qualified for retail or administrative work), so I wouldn't have a problem wearing mine.

That being said, even if I were in a field where it might be frowned upon (Even if it is illegal to "frown upon" such things), I'd probably still wear it. I would kind of feel like "If they don't want me if I'm married, then they don't want me period". But that's just me.

stina93446

I also clicked on "you don't know me" because none of the choices fit my job.

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_poll-wear-engagement-ring-job-interview?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d20994c3-3b25-431e-b90f-bb5b71e719d9Post:1e8656db-5eb8-47e4-8340-af698a550643">Re: Poll: Wear your engagement ring to a job interview?</a>:
[QUOTE]I read an article last month on msnbc.com that suggested that a lot of employers will not hire a woman with a large engagement ring because the perception is that she must not really need the job.  Made my blood boil but I don't doubt it happens.  
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

...

Somewhere, Betty Friedan is weeping. 

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_poll-wear-engagement-ring-job-interview?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d20994c3-3b25-431e-b90f-bb5b71e719d9Post:e0f00ab7-7450-41ea-a48b-8056c709f538">Re: Poll: Wear your engagement ring to a job interview?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: Wear your engagement ring to a job interview? : ... Somewhere, Betty Friedan is weeping. 
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]
Her and me both.

jagore08

DH and I decided to wait on kids until after I've gotten a job because we realize that even though employers are not allowed to discriminate, it still happens and they say they've found someone more "qualified".  It would be harder to hide a belly than a ring but it's still the same concept.  Honestly, I probably wouldn't wear it to the job interview but I would my first day of work.

naomikb

I would wear it, but if the interview was before our actual wedding, I would consider wearing the wedding band to it as well.  Yes, it's a bit of a lie but I don't want them to think I will be needing time off for honeymoon/maternity leave soon, and I think it also promotes a sense of maturity.  And yes, I realize how shallow that sounds, and kind of contradictory.

bablingbrooke

Plenty of unmarried women are immensely mature, and plenty of married women are ridiculously immature.  I'm also 26, so it's not like I'm 20 and need a piece of jewelry to prove that I'm a grown-up.  I look and act the part.  

I'm sure I'm overthinking this.  They are hiring entry-level attorneys (recent graduates) who are all in the 24-30 age range, so I'm willing to bet they'll put me in the married-and-going-to-have-babies camp anyway because of that.  Knowing me, I'll probably put it on and forget about it until I'm halfway through the interview anyway

frogurt814

Nothing like this has ever even occurred to me. I wore my engagement and wedding ring to the three interviews I had this year.  It never crossed my mind not to wear it.

I was offered two out of the three jobs so I guess it's ok that I wore my ring!

KatyRoseM

I wouldn't for a lot of jobs.  Its hard to find jobs right now.  I know people won't hire a young women who is married as quickly as one who isn't.  It sucks, but thats how life is.  I want a job, and I live in the real world.  That being said, there are some regions where being married is an advantage, so I would wear it there. 

aerinpegadrak

I never even thought of something like that.  I definitely wore it for the interviews for my current job (it would never have occurred to me to take it off), and I was even pretty up front about when the wedding was and how much time I'd need for it.  Didn't seem to hamper the hiring process at all.

Licia&Wayne

I'm in the camp of never having thought of it as an issue. I've worn mine to a few interviews, although, I didn't get those jobs (and surely that's the only reason why, right?)...dammit H! How dare you keep me down!

Seriously though, plenty of women wear rings on their left hand that look like engagement rings/wedding bands and aren't. I think that's kind of presumptuous of an employer to just assume that because you're wearing a ring on your hand it means you're fertile myrtle and will proceed to need 9 years of maternity leave because your super-spermed-soon-to-be husband is rarin' to go.

What an interesting subject. I'm wondering if wedding bands are the same kind of detriment to men when looking for jobs.

KatyRoseM

In my field I'm told the reverse is true for men.  They take less time off for kids, and being married makes them more stable.  (Again, not always true, just what is assumed). 

alehayes

I've only taken mine off to shower, so it wouldn't have even occurred to me to take it off for an interview.  I'd feel like I was being dishonest if I was pretending like I wasn't engaged, and if I try to lie I tend to get nervous, so I'd probably screw the interview up. 

suz62984

I've never really thought about not wearing it. It has crossed my mind that I wouldn't want to tell people that i'm just married in an interview because they might think that i'll need maternity time off in the near future. I won't but it seems that now that we are married people keep asking when we'll pop the little critters out.

tldh

I wear mine.  However, on my resume and cover letters, I use only my maiden name.  I had considered using Tricia A. Smith Jones (which will be my legal name after I get it changed - no hyphon) but realized that I don't have the room to explain in the letter why I picked up my life and moved to another part of the country.  I don't want them thinking I'm going to follow wherever DH's career can take him.  It was a long thought out decision that we made and we're serious when we say we're not leaving the Philly area.  That is best explained in an interview.

Manwaithiel

Brooke, your poll will not show up for me. It hates me =(

I just saw a Craig's list ad today that had the "Ideal Candidate Qualities" and the first thing on the list was "Single". Call me naive, but I just studied in my management class that that is one of many things you are not allowed to discuss in an interview or job search. You can't even ask someone their maiden name. I was pretty aggravated reading it. I would have totally applied, but for that. I wouldn't ever want to work for someone who felt like I couldn't do my job just because I'm in a relationship.

gottahavashorti

I've never even considered my e-ring for interviews, but I voted "you don't know me."

I guess if I had a big stone and was interviewing for a low paying job, I might just wear my wedding band and not my e-ring.  But I can't really hide that I'm married.  I do get asked why I moved from PA to SC, and the only reason for that is my husband.  Which is probably a more stable answer than a boyfriend or on a whim, since DH's education pretty much guarantees that we'll be here for 5-7 years and I'm not going anywhere.

I feel like pregnancy could make things harder than an e-ring.  I'm not quite old enough to be declared actively trying to have kids, but if we had an oops I feel like a pregnant belly could hurt my already slim chances of getting a job since it would be obvious that I'd need maternity leave.  But then, I don't want kids until DH is done with school.

bablingbrooke

Tricia--I thought about doing that, too.  My problem right now is that I packed up and moved to finish 3L at a different (and much lower-ranked) law school on the other side of the country for my DH.  I too don't want to give the impression that I just follow him, so I'm trying to spin it in interviews that we're willing to relocate to where we see opportunities and that we consider X (wherever I'm interviewing) to be one of them.  I also have Brooke Q. Jones Smith on my resume, which is my legal married name, but I hadn't considered just using my maiden name.  Eh, I've been invited to fly out for the interview so they must have decided my marital status/recent relocation isn't a problem, hopefully if I keep smiling no one will look at my ring finger

suz62984

Manwaithiel- I see that a lot on Craigslist. It isn't always "single" either; sometimes they ask for a certain race or even throw in the "Women need not apply."  I just hit the report button because not only is it against the law, but it is against the Craigslist "rules."  It does irk me though. I just think about how dumb those "employers" are and know that their "business" is going nowhere fast.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_poll-wear-engagement-ring-job-interview?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d20994c3-3b25-431e-b90f-bb5b71e719d9Post:6401b03c-0826-4d22-9fa7-b3d5f0d7ba53">Re: Poll: Wear your engagement ring to a job interview?</a>:
[QUOTE]Brooke, your poll will not show up for me. It hates me =( I just saw a Craig's list ad today that had the "Ideal Candidate Qualities" and the first thing on the list was "Single". Call me naive, but I just studied in my management class that that is one of many things you are not allowed to discuss in an interview or job search. You can't even ask someone their maiden name. I was pretty aggravated reading it. I would have totally applied, but for that. I wouldn't ever want to work for someone who felt like I couldn't do my job just because I'm in a relationship.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

It's illegal to ask this question in an interview.  It's also illegal to ask about plans for children or more children.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_poll-wear-engagement-ring-job-interview?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d20994c3-3b25-431e-b90f-bb5b71e719d9Post:0b579e91-978c-4b4b-9db1-6b1b74da0591">Re: Poll: Wear your engagement ring to a job interview?</a>:
[QUOTE]Manwaithiel - I see that a lot on Craigslist. It isn't always "single" either; sometimes they ask for a certain race or even throw in the "Women need not apply."  I just hit the report button because not only is it against the law, but it is against the Craigslist "rules."  It does irk me though. I just think about how dumb those "employers" are and know that their "business" is going nowhere fast.
Posted by suz62984[/QUOTE]

Agreed.

bablingbrooke

It's illegal to ask a lot of questions, but that does not mean assumptions are not being made.

When I was an auditor we did an audit of affirmative action hiring at state universities; affirmative action hiring decisions are illegal in that state (i.e. you cannot make the hiring decision based on the applicant's gender, race, or ethnicity).  The hiring committees of many universities told us point-blank that they make assumptions based on surnames and have extended offers to people with "ethnic" sounding names who wouldn't have otherwise qualified in order to get a more diverse faculty.  That's a violation of the law right there for a hiring decision, yet they find a way around it and give a more "official" reason for why the person was hired.  I have no doubt that hiring decisions are made on the basis of other factors, but a different reason is given.

tldh

My last firm uses it's family friendliness to sell itself.  Kids in the office are commonplace.  We've had babies in their bouncy doorway thingies, school age kids who their parents left for about twenty minutes to pick them up after school, etc.  Never any disruptions to work because we always had an empty office or two for them to play in.  One of the founding partners was a woman who explained that she had been at a big firm and was essentially told to choose between her career and wanting a family.  She was out to prove that this didn't have to be a choice.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_poll-wear-engagement-ring-job-interview?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d20994c3-3b25-431e-b90f-bb5b71e719d9Post:d880a154-85d1-4be1-89d0-8b715176e080">Re: Poll: Wear your engagement ring to a job interview?</a>:
[QUOTE]My last firm uses it's family friendliness to sell itself.  Kids in the office are commonplace.  We've had babies in their bouncy doorway thingies, school age kids who their parents left for about twenty minutes to pick them up after school, etc.  Never any disruptions to work because we always had an empty office or two for them to play in.  One of the founding partners was a woman who explained that she had been at a big firm and was essentially told to choose between her career and wanting a family.  She was out to prove that this didn't have to be a choice.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
That's amazing.  Are you hiring? ;)

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_poll-wear-engagement-ring-job-interview?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d20994c3-3b25-431e-b90f-bb5b71e719d9Post:95998241-e58d-4726-bae3-674e997554ae">Re: Poll: Wear your engagement ring to a job interview?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Poll: Wear your engagement ring to a job interview? : That's amazing.  Are you hiring? ;)
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

LOL.  You'd have to move to Cleveland.  I still remember one attorney and his wife dropped by with a baby we didn't get to see often.  She was fussy from still getting her first shots.  Amazingly, I was the only one who could hold her without her crying.  There were maybe five of us in the attorney's office when one of the partners came in to find a file.  The attorney's secretary started to shoo him out saying "Can't you see we're busy looking at the baby??"  Instead he came up to the baby and started making funny faces.  Again, after ten minutes, everyone went back to work.