choosing maid of honor

cassandradk

I am having a really difficult time choosing a maid of honor.  I have 2 friends... 1 I have known my whole life, but we didn't become best friends until high school.  We lost touch for a while and about a year ago became reaquainted.  We do not talk to eachother in depth very much.  Friend #2 I have known for 6 years and we speak almost daily.  We talk about everything.  Which one do I choose to be my maid of honor and how do I do it without the other feeling slighted?

Manwaithiel

Have co-MOHs...if you still are close to these people December of 2011.

It is way too soon to be making these decisions.

S+H2011

Which one will be able to be there for you most during your planning? Who will be most excited to help you with the little things? Who will cause the least amount of drama? Who do you want to make a speech? Who knows you best as a couple?

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d221c9cf-70b6-46d2-82ca-b1326e2f99a6Post:4414c44c-5387-4936-bb05-b71b90fae985">Re: choosing maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Which one will be able to be there for you most during your planning? Who will be most excited to help you with the little things? Who will cause the least amount of drama? Who do you want to make a speech? Who knows you best as a couple?
Posted by S+H2011[/QUOTE]

No.

Your criteria should have absolutely nothing to do with planning and other such "responsibilities".

You plan your own wedding. If your friends want to offer their help, they will. But being a MOH does not obligate anyone to help you with anything.

trix1223

Your wedding is 21 months away.  Don't choose anyone until somewhere around Halloween/Thanksgiving of 2011.  Why?  Scroll down a page or two of this board, and then go over to the moms&maids board and read the countless posts from people who asked this early and now regret it.

I know, I know, these are your best, forever and ever friends, and nothing will ever, ever change.  That's what every post says.

There's absolutely NO reason to choose anyone now.  There's a lot of good reasons NOT to choose anyone now. 

If you're still friends next year, ask away.  If the relationship has changed, you're not in a pickle.

bablingbrooke

I'm having a hard time seeing why friend 1 would feel slighted since the two of you have really drifted apart.  Having said that, you have so much time until your wedding I'd hold off on it.  See how the friendships develop.  If you still can't decide when you hit the year-or-less mark, ask both.  But don't ask or involve the WP yet; friendships have been known to change, wedding plans have been known to really change, and it really isn't fair to ask people to commit to an event that's almost two years away, anyway.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d221c9cf-70b6-46d2-82ca-b1326e2f99a6Post:4414c44c-5387-4936-bb05-b71b90fae985">Re: choosing maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Which one will be able to be there for you most during your planning? Who will be most excited to help you with the little things? Who will cause the least amount of drama? Who do you want to make a speech? Who knows you best as a couple?
Posted by S+H2011[/QUOTE]

The better question is who would you call at 3a.m. if you needed them for something that is really important - like bail money or to meet you at the hospital?

Oh, and ditto Manwaithiel

mbcdefg

Pick your closest friend.

If you're equally close, have two Maids of Honor. Or don't designate a MOH at all. One can do the ceremony stuff (stand next to you, hold bouquet and ring, sign the license) and the other can do the reception stuff (be announced with the Best Man - or he can escort both of them - and give the toast)

S+H2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d221c9cf-70b6-46d2-82ca-b1326e2f99a6Post:26738dee-a396-4f39-b6a2-667dcf0c09fc">Re: choosing maid of honor</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: choosing maid of honor : No. Your criteria should have absolutely nothing to do with planning and other such "responsibilities". You plan your own wedding. If your friends want to offer their help, they will. But being a MOH does not obligate anyone to help you with anything.
Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]
I have 3 friends who I consider equally close and are all from the same circle. I would call all 3 to be there for me at the hospital, etc.Obviously I plan my own wedding and none of them are actually involved in that. And obviously if they want to help, they offer. But in planning, brides usually want feedback on their ideas. If one friend is happy for you but doesn't care about the wedding details, you're not going to call her to talk about them. For me, since I viewed all 3 as equal and I've been friends with them for the same length of time, etc I asked myself who will it mean the most to, who has the least other stuff going on in their personal life (one has a lot of personal/work/school drama) so that MOH would be something fun and not another burden, etc.

I apologize if it came off as "job criteria" or how to pick a wedding planner, but I just meant that if you're having trouble, pick who would most enjoy it and be there for you when you want them for this kind of stuff.