So my fiance and I share a best friend from years back. Before we got engaged, I talked to her about being MOH but once we got engaged, I never actually asked, mostly because she has caused my fiance and me nothing just drama since we started dating (two years ago) and I am honestly not thrilled about the idea but feel like she should be my MOH from obligation. But, she is going through a lot of emotional stuff right now, so we're just letting it slide, and talking to her about stuff that is going on when it gets really bad.
However, she became a de facto MOH and I started trying to involve her in the wedding planning as one. She hasn't come through. When trying on wedding dresses, she sat and read a magazine and refused to give any opinons unless proded and even then it was a one word answer. She is 20 hours away at school, which is unavoidable. However, she made plans over her Spring Break- The only time she would be in the state to attend a Bridal Shower. (The wedding is only 2 weeks after she arrives home for the summer). This wouldn't be a big deal, people make plans and not everyone can attend the shower, but she didn't even tell me she made the plans! (She actually still hasn't! I heard from my FI's sister!) She hasn't offered to help with any planning, she hasn't asked how any of it is going. I'm just really frustrated. My FI has already had a candid discussion with her about me needing her to be there for me and it hasn't done anything.
It has become increasingly obvious that I'm not going to be able to rely on her for the help I'll need from my MOH (I'm trying to plan this in the midst of Student Teaching, so life is pretty hectic), but she is in a pretty emotionally vunerable state and my FI and I want to be able to have a relationship with her if and when she ever returns to her normal/fun-loving self that we knew before whatever is going on with her took over.
On top of that, my FI's sister, already a BM (someone I consisder an amazing friend) has been very supportive and awesome. She is, in essence, my MOH. She has taken the reins on stuff I don't have time for and has been great.
So, what I have decided to do is to ask my FI's sister to be the MOH (my original 1st choice anyway) and ask my friend to be the honorary MOH, shrouding my frustration in concern for her busyiness and not wanting to stress her out and knowing that she is 20 hours away. I think that it is a good solution but I am now freaking out over the stress. Any thoughts?
(The last option on the poll finishes with "... can't deal with any more negativity." I didn't meant to actually post the poll, it was a joke to myself, but now the board won't let me take it off.
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