Ring Bearer or Guest?

danif06

For my wedding, I have a "no kids policy". However my parents have a 2 yr old godson who I was just told by his mother will be attending the ceremony. By the time the wedding rolls around, he'll be 3 but I'm not convinced he'll be able to sit through an hour ceremony. I'm trying to figure out if I should ask him to be a ring bearer in order to keep him occupied for at least a portion of the ceremony or not say anything at all. I would love to include him, but am not sure what to do..

SarahPLiz

Well first of all, I think its rude of them to TELL you that he's coming, when he wasn't invited.

If you want a RB, then ask him. If not, then don't, and leave the child care up to his parents.

lizstill13

Yeah, why are they telling you he's coming? You don't have to give him a role in the wedding, but I think if he's not and you told everyone else they couldn't bring their kids, they might be more than a little peeved to see one there. If you don't want a RB tell them that you're not having kids, any kids, at the wedding.

mbcdefg

Include him if you're close to him, but don't include him if it's *just* to keep him from acting up ... his parents are the ones responsible for making sure he behaves, not you.

Besides, the ring bearer role would only keep him occupied for the 20-30 seconds he's walking down the aisle. Kids usually go sit with their parents after they walk down the aisle ... if you make him stand up front (or if he has lazy parents who don't bother to keep him in his seat), he'll be walking around or laying on the altar or throwing the pillow around or something during your ceremony.

I think the bigger issue here is that people aren't respecting your wishes. If you don't want kids there, stand your ground and don't let this kid's parents push you around.

trix1223

ditto malphabet.  The ring bearer, especially a 3 year old, really doesn't have ANY role in the ceremony, other than walking down the aisle.

I could almost understand the parents if the child was YOUR Godson. I think they're being rude by forcing the issue on you, but really~I don't know how you keep him from the ceremony.

The reception is a whole 'nother ballgame.  You don't have to accommodate a preschooler at your reception.

Your options are:  send the invitation to the parents ONLY.  When they reply with little Milton added to the reply card, you call and say "I'm sorry.  There's been a misunderstanding.  We're not including children on our guest list.  What's that?  You won't come without Milton?  I'm sorry to hear that.  You'll be missed."

OR you let yourself be bullied into having an unwanted (albeit 3 year old) guest at your wedding.

aerinpegadrak

My mother insisted that I invite my brother's stepdaughters despite our no kid policy.  I told her that it wasn't going to happen.  Turns out my brother had no intention of bringing the girls, and I sent the invitation to just the parents without incident.

Cowboy up.

danif06

Thanks ladies! I appreciate all of your feedback.

His parents know the wedding is adult-only and they wouldn't imagine bringing him to the reception, but the ceremony is another story. His parents-- correction, his mother thinks that it would be great for him to attend church and have additional exposure to religious services besides the childrens mass they regularly attend. On top of this, our families are extremely close and we see each other at least twice a month.

Since several months have passed and I've had time to accept the fact that he will be at the wedding, my biggest concern is that he will act up and his parents won't do anything because their go-to excuse is "he's a child". Also I don't want our friends to be upset that their children had to stay home and this kid was "allowed" to come.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ring-bearer-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d2d1554d-1d0c-4413-a527-0f768ea404dcPost:6572b5b4-34be-4ddf-bc56-790e8184bf25">Re: Ring Bearer or Guest?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks ladies! I appreciate all of your feedback. His parents know the wedding is adult-only and they wouldn't imagine bringing him to the reception, but the ceremony is another story. His parents-- correction, his mother thinks that it would be great for him to attend church and have additional exposure to religious services besides the childrens mass they regularly attend. On top of this, our families are extremely close and we see each other at least twice a month. Since several months have passed and I've had time to accept the fact that he will be at the wedding, my biggest concern is that he will act up and his parents won't do anything because their go-to excuse is "he's a child". <strong>Also I don't want our friends to be upset that their children had to stay home and this kid was "allowed" to come.</strong>
Posted by danif06[/QUOTE]

Honestly, this may happen if he's just a random kid, by which I mean neither WP nor family. That said, only ask him to be a ring bearer if you actually want to, and then talk to his parents first to see if they think he can hack it - which would also give you a chance to mention how you know that of course they'll take him outside if he gets restless but are wondering whether he could behave for the walk down the aisle :)