Wedding Party

Gloomy Bridesmaid

*REWORDED*

I have included my roommate in my bridal party. At times she can be excited as this is the first wedding that she's been in. Other times, she is very to herself and hardly speaks.

My Aunt told me that some friends take their friends getting married very differently and she may be in a place where she wishes it was her (all of my other BMs either have a boyfriend or their married, but that's my Aunt's opinion).

We don't discuss the wedding, I have a planner so all of the discussion regarding the wedding is done out of the house. I don't have wedding things all over the place, I've even bought a decorative box to place my bridal books and other things in just to be considerate because it's her house too and I don't want to overwhelm her with all of my stuff and have it in the way.

She doesn't respond to emails or messages regarding Bridesmaid things (bridesmaid fitting, shoe ideas). My BMs that live in another city are doing more in regards to helpful planning than she is (It was her idea that all of the BMs plan the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party, but she doesn't respond to their questions or inquiries).

When she comes home, she shuts herself in her room and doesn't say a word...It's starting to make me upset and not because of the wedding, just in general.

How do I talk to her about her behavior without being coming off as being rude?
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Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid

  • Ask her about her life not your wedding.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:efdda961-bbc3-49c4-820b-1a431907b0b7">Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ask her about her life not your wedding.
    Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

    This. By the way, a bridesmaid doesn't have to do anything besides showing up on your wedding day in a dress. She doesn't have to help you with anything related to the wedding. It simply sounds like she wants to talk about other things besides the wedding.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:35e402d1-fb56-4c6b-a3f5-ce785217cc1d">Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have included my roommate in my bridal party. At times she can be excited as this is the first wedding that she's been in. Other times, she is very to herself and hardly speaks. My Aunt told me that some friends take their friends getting married very differently and she may be in a place where she wishes it was her (all of my other BMs either have a boyfriend or their married). <strong>I've even bought a decorative box to place my bridal books just to be considerate.</strong> She doesn't respond to emails or messages regarding Bridesmaid things. My BMs that live in another city are doing more in regards to helpful planning than she is. When she comes home, she shuts herself in her room and doesn't say a word...It's starting to make me upset. How do I talk to her about her behavior without being rude?
    Posted by MsRClark[/QUOTE]

    What does the bolded sentence have to do with anything?

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
    image

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:35e402d1-fb56-4c6b-a3f5-ce785217cc1d">Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have included my roommate in my bridal party. At times she can be excited as this is the first wedding that she's been in. Other times, she is very to herself and hardly speaks. My Aunt told me that some friends take their friends getting married very differently and she may be in a place where she wishes it was her (all of my other BMs either have a boyfriend or their married). I've even bought a decorative box to place my bridal books just to be considerate. She doesn't respond to emails or messages regarding Bridesmaid things. My BMs that live in another city are doing more in regards to helpful planning than she is. When she comes home, she shuts herself in her room and doesn't say a word...It's starting to make me upset.<strong> How do I talk to her about her behavior without being rude?
    </strong>Posted by MsRClark[/QUOTE]

    You stop your behavior of wedding focused conversations.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:cb637fd2-c09a-463f-b5a3-73c1c61498a8">Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid : This. By the way, a bridesmaid doesn't have to do anything besides showing up on your wedding day in a dress. She doesn't have to help you with anything related to the wedding. It simply sounds like she wants to talk about other things besides the wedding.
    Posted by mabrown5[/QUOTE]

    That's the thing. I don't talk about the wedding. I've asked all the girls questions (e.g.-What size shirt do you wear?), because all of my girls are getting shirts, custom bags and garmet bags for their dresses. She doesn't respond. All of the bridesmaids agreed before she began to act the way that she started acting that they would host the Bridal Shower and plan the Bachelorette Part...It was her idea and all the other girls agreed that it would be nice. Now she doesn't respond to anything the girls are discussing or even talk to me period.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:b3262cfa-2c9b-4cf2-9a6c-298833638bb0">Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Gloomy Bridesmaid : What does the bolded sentence have to do with anything?
    Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]

    Meaning I keep all wedding anything put away. I don't have books and cards and magnets and crap all over the house.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:628a7421-2436-4c74-8fdb-8fd7f78f3532">Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid : That's the thing. I don't talk about the wedding. I've asked all the girls questions (e.g.-What size shirt do you wear?), because all of my girls are getting shirts, custom bags and garmet bags for their dresses. She doesn't respond. All of the bridesmaids agreed before she began to act the way that she started acting that they would host the Bridal Shower and plan the Bachelorette Part...It was her idea and all the other girls agreed that it would be nice. Now she doesn't respond to anything the girls are discussing or even talk to me period.
    Posted by MsRClark[/QUOTE]

    From your original post:

    <em>She doesn't respond to emails or messages regarding Bridesmaid things. My BMs that live in another city are doing more in regards to helpful planning than she is. When she comes home, she shuts herself in her room and doesn't say a word...It's starting to make me upset.
    </em> 
    It is way too soon for an BM to be doing anything.  You are getting married in April 2013. 
    Did it ever occur to you that she may have something going on in her life not related to your wedding?  If I had a friend who was suddenly shutting me out for no reason, I'd be more concerned about what is going on with her than what she can do for me with my wedding.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:fca298c8-8e29-4354-8aa0-4dc008592b15">Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid : From your original post: She doesn't respond to emails or messages regarding Bridesmaid things. My BMs that live in another city are doing more in regards to helpful planning than she is. When she comes home, she shuts herself in her room and doesn't say a word...It's starting to make me upset.   It is way too soon for an BM to be doing anything.  You are getting married in April 2013.  Did it ever occur to you that she may have something going on in her life not related to your wedding?  If I had a friend who was suddenly shutting me out for no reason, I'd be more concerned about what is going on with her than what she can do for me with my wedding.
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    Yes, it has occured to me. And when I've asked her, she's said that it isn't anything, and when I gave the "Will you be my Bridesmaid" card to her, she was all but thrilled. I am getting married in April 2013, but my fiance is in the Air Force, not stationed anywhere near me and is scheduled to deploy very soon, so all of my planning is ahead and in place.

    I am very considerate of her feelings and have always been there for her in the past, before I became engaged. I don't want to keep bothering her and asking her what is wrong and irritate her. But I do want to know a little of what's going on so that if the tasks that she committed to, she can't do because of certain situations...I can help or find someone else to take that burden.
  • Showers and B- parties take place 1 - 2 months before the wedding.  There is absolutely nothing that she has to be doing right this minute for your wedding. It isn't your job to keep on someone for parties that they have offered to throw you, nevermind that these would be held next year. It sounds like she is telling you that she needs some space.  Give it to her.

    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • I understand why you're planning ahead with many of the details, but, honestly, your FI's deployment doesn't have anything to do with your BMs (not meant to sound harsh). Let them off the hook with dresses and shoes and all that for a while. I know it's exciting, but if she's feeling overwhelmed with details, whether it's warranted or not, she's obviously going to shut you out.
  • "But I do want to know a little of what's going on so that if the tasks that she committed to, she can't do because of certain situations...I can help or find someone else to take that burden." Sorry, I couldn't quote properly on my phone. If you mean you may ask her to step down as a BM, please realize that is a friendship ending move!
  • No one cares about your wedding as much as you and DO NOT even entertain your aunt's suggestion that she is envious of you getting married. Revisit why you asked her and maybe tell her you are sorry for sending her all this wedding stuff. Then ask her how her day was, how is work/school, and what else is going on in her life.
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  • Ask her to do something with you, like Happy Hour or a BBQ at home. Get her out of her room. After you guys are more relaxed and having fun, ask her if everything is okay. And LET HER TALK! At the end of your time after a little bonding say "Hey by the way, I was needing your shirt size so I can get your shirt ordered. Don't ask about any planning for B Party or shower yet...you have a while. But there are some things that you will eventually need to speak with her on i.e.: if she is bringing a date, BM dresses  - like getting what price she is comfortable with, if you do want her opinion on what dresses she likes, etc. So you should work on opening up the lines of communication with her now.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:4075f69a-a865-4f34-ad59-d80bfa0a1e16">Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ask her to do something with you, like Happy Hour or a BBQ at home. Get her out of her room. After you guys are more relaxed and having fun, ask her if everything is okay. And LET HER TALK! <strong>At the end of your time after a little bonding say "Hey by the way, I was needing your shirt size so I can get your shirt ordered</strong>. Don't ask about any planning for B Party or shower yet...you have a while. But there are some things that you will eventually need to speak with her on i.e.: if she is bringing a date, BM dresses  - like getting what price she is comfortable with, if you do want her opinion on what dresses she likes, etc. So you should work on opening up the lines of communication with her now.
    Posted by hwoychowski[/QUOTE]

    I wouldn't even mention this.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • Ask her to go out for coffee or a drink at a bar.  Then just sit there and chat and keep it 100% wedding free.  Even if she tries to bring up the wedding, just say everything is taken care of for now, then change the subject back to her. 

    And since your wedding isn't until April 2013, there is nothing that really needs to be done now. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:73ce0116-f26d-4d1f-aada-dc1a510f77d3">Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]"But I do want to know a little of what's going on so that if the tasks that she committed to, she can't do because of certain situations...I can help or find someone else to take that burden." Sorry, I couldn't quote properly on my phone. If you mean you may ask her to step down as a BM, please realize that is a friendship ending move!
    Posted by cookie0803[/QUOTE]

    No, I would never ask her to do that. I mean the things that she has volunteered to do completely on her own, if she can't because of things going on, then I can help her.
  • In Response to Gloomy Bridesmaid:
    [QUOTEWe don't discuss the wedding, I have a planner so all of the discussion regarding the wedding is done out of the house.
    ...
    She doesn't respond to emails or messages regarding Bridesmaid things (bridesmaid fitting, shoe ideas). My BMs that live in another city are doing more in regards to helpful planning than she is (It was her idea that all of the BMs plan the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party, but she doesn't respond to their questions or inquiries)
    Posted by MsRClark[/QUOTE]


    You do realize that harassing her about "bridesmaid stuff" is "talking about the wedding", don't you? Just because you're not talking about something like your dress or venue, doesn't negate the fact that you wouldn't be talking about "bridesmaid stuff" with her if it wasn't for your wedding.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
    image

  • Hey guys, let's go easy on the poor girl and not just assume she's being obnoxious with her roommate.  She came here for support and advice. not to be harshly questioned or pushed around.

    Here's my opinion, she's obviously got something going on and I'm glad to hear you asked about her.  That being said, she might not tell you right off the bat if she's normally not an open person or if she's afraid you might get upset with what she says (i.e. the shoes the other bridesmaids want are heinous, the shirts are not my style, etc).  I am the same way with my planning (April 2013 wedding as well, and I already have the HAIR APPOINTMENTS scheduled) and want to get everything taken care of well ahead of time. But you have to realize the maids might not be as gung ho as you are.  I agree with the other posters, it is a little early for shirts and bags

    I say continue giving her time and space and she'll eventually come talk to you.  Hang in there!  Only 10 more months to go :)
  • In Response to Re:Gloomy Bridesmaid:[QUOTE]Hey guys, let's go easy on the poor girl and not just assume she's being obnoxious with her roommate.nbsp; She came here for support and advice. not to be harshly questioned or pushed around.Here's my opinion, she's obviously got something going on and I'm glad to hear you asked about her.nbsp; That being said, she might not tell you right off the bat if she's normally not an open person or if she's afraid you might get upset with what she says i.e. the shoes the other bridesmaids want are heinous, the shirts are not my style, etc.nbsp; I am the same way with my planning April 2013 wedding as well, and I already have the HAIR APPOINTMENTS scheduled and want to get everything taken care of well ahead of time.nbsp;But you have to realize the maids might not be as gung ho as you are.nbsp; I agree with the other posters, it is a little early for shirts and bagsI say continue giving her time and space and she'll eventually come talk to you.nbsp; Hang in there!nbsp; Only 10 more months to go : Posted by LongLivetheKings1223[/QUOTE]

    She came here for advice. Hair appt already? I didn't even have a date 10 months out.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:327dbf85-d6c6-4985-9e58-b904de2ac43b">Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey guys, let's go easy on the poor girl and not just assume she's being obnoxious with her roommate.  She came here for support and advice. not to be harshly questioned or pushed around. Here's my opinion, she's obviously got something going on and I'm glad to hear you asked about her.  That being said, she might not tell you right off the bat if she's normally not an open person or if she's afraid you might get upset with what she says (i.e. the shoes the other bridesmaids want are heinous, the shirts are not my style, etc).  I am the same way with my planning (April 2013 wedding as well, and I already have the HAIR APPOINTMENTS scheduled) and want to get everything taken care of well ahead of time. But you have to realize the maids might not be as gung ho as you are.  I agree with the other posters, it is a little early for shirts and bags I say continue giving her time and space and she'll eventually come talk to you.  Hang in there!  Only 10 more months to go :)
    Posted by LongLivetheKings1223[/QUOTE]



    I would love to have been in the salon to hear what they said after you made those appointments.
  • edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:be141682-8ac7-4551-b553-da78dcbcf1f8">Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid : I would love to have been in the salon to hear what they said after you made those appointments.
    Posted by cookie0803[/QUOTE]

    It was my hairstylist who suggested it actually.  I asked her on average how early do people make their appointments at her salon and she said to schedule it right away since my wedding is at a time when they are really busy.  It's a smallish priavtely owned salon so they only have three girls who work there and will literally block off the entire day to do you and your parties hair and make-up (they are only open 8am-2pm on weekends).

    In regards to other people's comments on my early planning, I'm a SixSigma project consultant for a living so I guess I just carried that over from work to my wedding.  If that doesn't satisfy the procrastinating hater, Screw You It's my wedding and I do what I want!

    Edit:spelling
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:79b8b6a6-2621-4cf5-a81f-6c253c45b270">Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid : It was my hairstylist who suggested it actually.  I asked her on average how early do people make their appointments at her salon and <strong>she said to schedule it right away since my wedding is at a time when they are really busy.</strong>  It's a smallish priavtely owned salon so they only have three girls who work there and will literally block off the entire day to do you and your parties hair and make-up (they are only open 8am-2pm on weekends). In regards to other people's comments on my early planning, I'm a SixSigma project consultant for a living so I guess I just carried that over from work to my wedding.  If that doesn't satisfy the procrastinating hater, Screw You It's my wedding and I do what I want! Edit:spelling
    Posted by LongLivetheKings1223[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I'll bet she took a credit card or deposit too, didn't she?</div><div>
    </div><div>Sorry, but you've been duped.  That sucks for you, but you shouldn't encourage the OP to fall for these "rush rush" scams that vendors put out to ensure that they get your money.  

    </div>
  • Long Live the King - plan your wedding the way you want and enjoy it. And once you're married and done with the follow up stuff, I'm betting you won't still be trolling a website for people who are getting married. (Married 3 days - and just checked off my last to do so I'm outta here to actually go live my life.)

    For the OP - bridesmaids get in funks. Brides do too with all the stress. Give it time and it will either work out or it won't. Don't let it spoil your fun. If she continues to withdraw, you can offer to let her off the hook about being in your wedding. It may be a financial issue and she is hoping to get it fixed before too long.

    I hope both of you have wonder weddings in 2013.
  • In Response to Re:Gloomy Bridesmaid:[QUOTE]Long Live the King plan your wedding the way you want and enjoy it. And once you're married and done with the follow up stuff, I'm betting you won't still be trolling a website for people who are getting married. Married 3 days and just checked off my last to do so I'm outta here to actually go live my life.For the OP bridesmaids get in funks. Brides do too with all the stress. Give it time and it will either work out or it won't. Don't let it spoil your fun. If she continues to withdraw, you can offer to let her off the hook about being in your wedding. It may be a financial issue and she is hoping to get it fixed before too long.I hope both of you have wonder weddings in 2013. Posted by Tina3104[/QUOTE]

    Let her off the hook? I bet you think if she does that soon enough she should replace said BM with another friend who will be excited and do all her duties.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:d41b980e-68d3-493b-85fb-e14ccdb64fc7">Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto cookie.  You don't have to pre-plan all of your BM stuff just because of your FI's deployment.  It's 10 months until your wedding.  I don't care if you aren't talking about wedding stuff 100% of the time, at 10 months out, 25% of the time is too much especially if it's bugging a BM about shoes or t-shirt sizes.  Take everyone's advice and lay off the wedding talk with her for awhile and see if your FRIENDSHIP gets back to normal.  If so, then we were right and you were innundating her with wedding crap.  If not, then you have a friendship issue to deal witih and that will be much easier to do without your wedding blinders on anyway. Also, am I the only one that thinks a decorative box for wedding mags and stuff is somehow more obnoxious than just having them out?  Maybe it's because I'm picturing something like this.. <a href="http://image0-rubylane.s3.amazonaws.com/shops/mediumrare/597.1L.jpg" rel="nofollow">http://image0-rubylane.s3.amazonaws.com/shops/mediumrare/597.1L.jpg</a> ... but that just seems like it would irritate me as a roommate for some irrational reason.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    The box is in my bedroom.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:993d0310-1bf7-4682-8630-c9eba79fceef">Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Long Live the King - plan your wedding the way you want and enjoy it. And once you're married and done with the follow up stuff, I'm betting you won't still be trolling a website for people who are getting married. (Married 3 days - and just checked off my last to do so I'm outta here to actually go live my life.) For the OP - bridesmaids get in funks. Brides do too with all the stress. Give it time and it will either work out or it won't. Don't let it spoil your fun. If she continues to withdraw, you can offer to let her off the hook about being in your wedding. It may be a financial issue and she is hoping to get it fixed before too long. I hope both of you have wonder weddings in 2013.
    Posted by Tina3104[/QUOTE]

    Thank you!!!
  • Well, I took the advice that some of you gave me and I spoke with my roommate last night and got to the bottom of why she is acting the way that she is.

    She said that while she is happy that I asked her to be a bridesmaid, she was upset because I did not choose her to be my Maid of Honor. She said she felt that it made more sense for her to hold that role because she's there all of the time (us being roommates I assume). She said that her behavior of not responding to things was her way to let me know that there was a problem.

    All in all, it was figured out. Thank you all for your help.
  • That seems like a silly way to deal with problems (what she was doing, not you). Glad everything worked out!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gloomy-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d354816d-ea43-4714-b9c2-285822543cb2Post:e8ceb3b6-9ece-4aae-8b33-e2166c94b70a">Re: Gloomy Bridesmaid</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, I took the advice that some of you gave me and I spoke with my roommate last night and got to the bottom of why she is acting the way that she is. She said that while she is happy that I asked her to be a bridesmaid, she was upset because I did not choose her to be my Maid of Honor. She said she felt that it made more sense for her to hold that role because she's there all of the time (us being roommates I assume). She said that her behavior of not responding to things was her way to let me know that there was a problem. All in all, it was figured out. Thank you all for your help.
    Posted by MsRClark[/QUOTE]

    I'm gald it worked out for you.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • OP- when you said " she may be in a place where she wishes it was her (all of my other BMs either have a boyfriend or their married, but that's my Aunt's opinion)." does that mean your friend is currently single?  I was single when my BF got engaged, and while I was happy and excited on the phone with her (she's several states away), I was nauseated and my standard 'single-depression' I was going through (I know not everyone is like that but I was) was pushed to the breaking point.  It's really hard to be happy for someone else when things aren't going the way you hoped in your own life, and she might just be emotionally drained.  I like the idea from PPs about getting her out of the house, just the two of you, and get her talking about whats going on with her life. I'd keep anything wedding related out of the conversation, it'll remind her that yes you're still her friend, yes you have time for her, yes you still care about her, yes you are still important to her, and sometimes those reminders are the best thing in the world.  I've had to do this with one of my BMs who is single a few times ;)  What will you do after the wedding, are you and your FI getting a new place? That might be eating at her too... the stress of finding a new roommate on top of 'losing' a friend, even though it's not an immediate concern, it's a lot :/  

    Personally, I like the storage box idea :)  It's a lot better than what I have going now... papers and magazines and everything everywhere, plus you're less likely to lose stuff!! ;)

    Good luck with your friend, I hope things work out for you guys soon :)
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