My Bridesmaid is Too Busy!!

Jen1985

I am getting married November 6th. In reality I would like to be shopping for bridesmaids and maid of honor dresses around this time. My MOH and one BM is pregnant. MOH due Aug. 22nd. BM due Aug. 7th. My MOH is all for planning a weekend in Sept to go shopping. My BM doesn't even want to plan anything. Every day we all suggest, she says "I'm busy" "I can't make it". In Sept, she will have family here visiting, then she is driving 12 hours to her home town later on that month. So, basically there goes the month of Sept for dress shopping. This seems to be cutting it real close for me and I am kind of freaking out. Then what is also frustrating is she doesn't even want to plan a date. She is always "too busy" to plan or do anything. My wedding party is having a meeting date and she won't even come to that. She states she has to stay home and rest until the baby is due. Am I worrying too much? I haven't really talked to her much b/c I don't want to upset her and make her all mad at me, but I am trying to get her to realize we need several weeks for a dress to come in.

twilight.rose

Yes, you are worrying too much. Your bridesmaids are not actually required to do anything other than get a dress and stand up with you on your wedding day. If she doesn't have an opinion on the dress, or if you're allowing your girls to choose their own, just give her the guidelines (color, length) and let her get her attire on her own time. She is a grown woman, and I'm certain she's capable of puchasing a dress by herself prior to the wedding date.

I don't even know what a "meeting date" is in regards to a wedding party...I can't imagine what you would possibly need to have a meeting about.

Furthermore, please change your font color...it's difficult to read.

PeonyPrincesskdd

You got to be kidding me, right.  Your bridesmaids do not have to all go dress shopping together.  Let her go on her own time.  She needs to rest because she is going to be due very soon.  You need to back off a lot.  She doesn't need to do anything at all except show up to the wedding.

waltzingmatilda13

Take the rest of your BMs shopping and then tell her what the dress is and where/when she needs to order it. Not everyone has to be there when you choose a dress.

bablingbrooke

First of all, please edit that to remove the hot pink!  

Second, you are getting waaaaaay stressed over nothing.  Chill out.  Let your BM know when you have to go shopping.  Then, if she can't make it, go with the other BMs and let the girl know what the dress is and when she needs to order it.  Then let it go.  If she gets it, great.  If not, she's out.  Don't micromanage her or call her to remind her.  Ignore the shop when they call you to freak you out.  There is no quicker way to piss off a friend than to micromanage what she does, so when you give her the info, you need to leave it up to her to do something with it.

trix1223

ditto brooke.  Read what she wrote, only make it sound like you're reading it in my voice.  Because I agree with everything she said.

But I do want to add that if your BM is due Aug. 7, then that means she could be having her baby any day now.   As someone who's done this three times, she's physically exhausted, emotionally drained, scared, hot, and cranky. 

While I understand that your wedding is important to you, and it should be, it's not on her Top Ten list right now.  Heck, it's probably not on her Top 100 list right now.

Choose a dress.  Let her know what it is and where she can get it.  Then leave it alone.  And go buy the ingredients for a casserole or two.  She's going to be needing them in a couple of weeks.

GL.

CTGirl30

Holy hot pink post!  That hurt my eyes...

Reality check here - 2 of the women in your bridal party are about to have babies. One in 2 weeks. No wonder she's exhausted and not exactly concerned about your BM dresses right now - the last weeks before giving birth are extrememly emotional and exhausting for many women. One of my friends was so ridden with anxiety in her last week that she would just burst into tears at any time. So please, give them both a break and try not to be demanding wedding-related stuff from them right now.  Bringing a new life into the world trumps worrying about what dress will be worn as a BM in your wedding - I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's true.

If you were about to give birth would you honestly have the energy and enthusiasm for dress hunting?

Chill out - they can order in Oct if it's a style available from one of the major chains (David's Bridal) or they can get it from Ebay or a dept store if you're willing to be flexible. With 2 post-partum bodies they might not even know what size they'll be needing for Nov anyway right now.

CTGirl30

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-busy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d37048e5-6373-4db5-a2ec-5a0ba5f14ef9Post:20d91d1a-48a2-4f9f-a139-f1f4a650c945">My Bridesmaid is Too Busy!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am getting married November 6th. In reality I would like to be shopping for bridesmaids and maid of honor dresses around this time. My MOH and one BM is pregnant. MOH due Aug. 22nd. BM due Aug. 7th. My MOH is all for planning a weekend in Sept to go shopping. My BM doesn't even want to plan anything. Every day we all suggest, she says "I'm busy" "I can't make it". In Sept, she will have family here visiting, then she is driving 12 hours to her home town later on that month. So, basically there goes the month of Sept for dress shopping. This seems to be cutting it real close for me and I am kind of freaking out. Then what is also frustrating is she doesn't even want to plan a date. She is always "too busy" to plan or do anything. My wedding party is having a meeting date and she won't even come to that. She states she has to stay home and rest until the baby is due. Am I worrying too much? I haven't really talked to her much b/c I don't want to upset her and make her all mad at me, but I am trying to get her to realize we need several weeks for a dress to come in.
Posted by Jen1985[/QUOTE]

JIC

LD1970

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-busy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d37048e5-6373-4db5-a2ec-5a0ba5f14ef9Post:20d91d1a-48a2-4f9f-a139-f1f4a650c945">My Bridesmaid is Too Busy!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am getting married November 6th. In reality I would like to be shopping for bridesmaids and maid of honor dresses around this time. My MOH and one BM is pregnant. MOH due Aug. 22nd. BM due Aug. 7th. My MOH is all for planning a weekend in Sept to go shopping. My BM doesn't even want to plan anything. Every day we all suggest, she says "I'm busy" "I can't make it". In Sept, she will have family here visiting, then she is driving 12 hours to her home town later on that month. So, basically there goes the month of Sept for dress shopping. This seems to be cutting it real close for me and I am kind of freaking out. Then what is also frustrating is she doesn't even want to plan a date. She is always "too busy" to plan or do anything. My wedding party is having a meeting date and she won't even come to that. She states she has to stay home and rest until the baby is due. Am I worrying too much? I haven't really talked to her much b/c I don't want to upset her and make her all mad at me, but I am trying to get her to realize we need several weeks for a dress to come in.
Posted by Jen1985[/QUOTE]
Relax.  I was a BM in a wedding where I couldn't make the dress-shopping date and they picked the dress without me.  I despised the dress, but I sucked it up, bought it, and wore it.  I considered it my own loss for not being able to go.<div>
</div><div>In another wedding, the bride just picked the dress & we all bought it and wore it.</div><div>
</div><div>It's not ideal, and it's good to be nice to your bridesmaids, but if she can't go, she can't go, that's all.  She'll either be stuck with whatever the other bridesmaids and you pick, OR you can just give the bridesmaids a color, length, fabric and designer, and have them all wear different dresses & pick their own.</div><div>
</div><div>Or you could do like my sis did.  Her dresses were from David's Bridal, and they have separates.  So she told her BMs the one skirt she wanted all of them to have, and then gave them a choice of 5 or 6 different tops to go with the skirt.  Each of her 3 BMs picked the top with which they were the most comfortable.  I was the MOH in a gown, so I wasn't part of that.</div>

mbcdefg

* send her an e-mail with the top 2 or 3 choices and let her vote on her favorite (she can either go try them on, or just pick one off the screen). Add her vote to the other bridesmaids' votes and majority rules.

* pick the dress without her

* pick a designer, color, fabric and skirt length, and let each BM choose her own dress.

No matter what route you take, she doesn't need to be with you to try it on or order it. She can do that on her own time. Cut her some slack. She IS very busy and probably tired as hell right now.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-busy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d37048e5-6373-4db5-a2ec-5a0ba5f14ef9Post:4c5bd4be-e538-479a-acc4-783d9800b717">Re: My Bridesmaid is Too Busy!!</a>:
[QUOTE]* send her an e-mail with the top 2 or 3 choices and let her vote on her favorite (she can either go try them on, or just pick one off the screen). Add her vote to the other bridesmaids' votes and majority rules. * pick the dress without her * pick a designer, color, fabric and skirt length, and let each BM choose her own dress. No matter what route you take, she doesn't need to be with you to try it on or order it. She can do that on her own time. Cut her some slack. She IS very busy and probably tired as hell right now.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]
Just pretend I said this, because I was going to anyway.

deepcovejackie

How are the BM and MOH going to have a weekend for shopping in September when they're having babies in August?  They won't even have time to have a shower (ie the kind where you stand in water to get clean-not a shower for you). 
You're going to seriously need to lower your expectations of these two WP members.  Really.  They can't dress shop now, and probably not in September because your body goes through some wild changes after pregnancy.  My advice would be choose a dress off the rack in a major store and let them order them closer to the date of your wedding.

If your BM says she has to stay home and rest, she has to stay home and rest.

Lisa8888

You should have really thought about asking these 2 BMs when both are giving birth in August and your wedding is Nov 6th. I really don't see the sense in them looking at dresses now because they are pregnant. There is no reason why they can not commit to a date in Sept. If they don't get their dresses in Sept, they may not be able to get dresses for Nov 6th. You really shouldn't wait any longer than Sept.

Proceed with your other BMs. Select a dress so that all they have to do is order the correct size in Sept. Make sure the dress will arrive in time.

gottahavashorti

Yes, you're worrying too much.

loop0406

I agree 100% with CTGirl30

Viczaesar

Hot pink font makes kittens weep.