Groomsman?

schermcn

My brother is 27 and I would love to have him involved in the wedding. My fiance and him get along well but aren't necessarily friends. The rest of the GM will be my fiancé's 3 friends from college and his brother. The entire wedding party will be around 21 years old. He's not the "read a poem" kind of guy either. I guess I'm just wondering if it'd be weird to have my brother as a groomsman because him and my fiance aren't that close and there is an age gap. What do you all think?

ekilzer1

Ditto to the other two responses- he can always stand up on your side. 

If it is really important to you to remain traditional and have girls on your side and guys on his side, then talk to your FI. My FI is having both of my brothers be groomsmen and he hasn't even met one of them! And I was also decided that his sister would be a bridesmaid before I even met her (I have since met her and she is wonderful!)

frogurt814

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d40ead14-a2f4-4dee-aa9b-0688c1710d80Post:b6e047b8-6640-4e3b-bef8-6c8ef09f5025">Re: Groomsman?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto to the other two responses- he can always stand up on your side.  If it is really important to you to remain traditional and have girls on your side and guys on his side, then talk to your FI. My FI is having both of my brothers be groomsmen and he hasn't even met one of them! And I was also decided that his sister would be a bridesmaid before I even met her (I have since met her and she is wonderful!)
Posted by ekilzer1[/QUOTE]
OP, I really don't recommend this advice.  You and FI should pick the people closest to you to stand on your side.  If you want your brother involved, ask him to stand on your side.  The GM are totally up to the groom. 

As for the age difference, DH's groomsmen ranged in age from 25-50.  The age really doesn't matter; the GMs will not become a new social group.  They will not all have to hang out together all the time. 

newyearnewfamily

I know that I am going completely against what anyone will say on here, but I would talk to your FI about that. I know that if a guy would stand up on the girls side around here, the guests would not be thrilled about it. I have my two future sister in laws on my side and my fiance has my brother on his side. We do not think of the bridesmaids as mine and the groomsmen as his. We are planning to spend the rest of our lives together and every single person in the wedding party is special to the both of us. So, maybe just talk to your fiance and see what he says. Do not push the issue, just ask his opinion.

aerinpegadrak

I think your brother SHOULD stand on your side.  Attendants should stand for the person with whom they share the closest relationship, not the most similar anatomy.  My brother stood on my side.

Also, 21-27 is not a huge age gap, not in the slightest.  I'd hardly even consider it an age gap at all.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d40ead14-a2f4-4dee-aa9b-0688c1710d80Post:146298e7-ecd3-4aa2-8a92-a3c462006855">Re: Groomsman?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know that I am going completely against what anyone will say on here, but I would talk to your FI about that.<strong> I know that if a guy would stand up on the girls side around here, the guests would not be thrilled about it</strong>. I have my two future sister in laws on my side and my fiance has my brother on his side. We do not think of the bridesmaids as mine and the groomsmen as his. We are planning to spend the rest of our lives together and every single person in the wedding party is special to the both of us. So, maybe just talk to your fiance and see what he says. Do not push the issue, just ask his opinion.
Posted by newyearnewfamily[/QUOTE]
Why the hell would your guests care?  And, if they did, why would you care what they thought?

ekilzer1

My FI and I aren't thinking of it as MY bridesmaids and HIS groomsmen- its OUR wedding party. Cumulatively, it is the people that mean the most to us- after all, we are all going to be family in the end! We just prefer to be traditional and have girls on my side and guys on his. 

Lisa50

I think your brother should be one of your attendants, either as your best man or as a bride's attendant, if you already have a maid/matron of honor.

trix1223

My DD's DH had GM ranging in age from 24-50+.  They all were able to get along just fine.  The age thing is a non-issue~it's a made up excuse for your FI to avoid putting him in the WP.
 
He's YOUR brother~he can stand with you.  As for newyearnewfamily:  isn't it time to take a stab at meaningless stereotypes:  that one's genetalia is a deal breaker for who they stand next to in a WP?

I can't imagine that your guests will get in a twist if you have your own brother stand with you on your wedding day.  And if they do, perhaps it's time that they considered why that mattered?

OP:  your brother is important to you.  Show him that.  Show your FI that.  Show your guests that.

GL

bablingbrooke

It may be your collective WP, but neither one of you gets to say who goes on the other person's side.  It's not that untraditional to have men on your side, and if you brother means that much to you, ask him.  And yes, 21-27 is not a huge age gap.  DH is 11 years older than me, somehow we manage to relate to each other

mbcdefg

I don't get why you think their ages make a difference. They're there to stand up for you at your ceremony, not be best friends with each other. It's not like they're going to be forming social cliques in the limo or something. I'm pretty sure your 27 year-old brother doesn't really give a crap about whether or not a group of 21 year-olds like him. He'll be with them for a few hours on one day of his life.

Plus, it is not your right to decide on your brother's behalf that he'd be uncomfortable with a group of younger people, and therefore not ask him to be a groomsman. Who says he'd be uncomfortable? If you're that concerned, ask HIM what he thinks, but you're really overthinking this if you believe that he'd refuse to be in the wedding because of that.

We had four attendants - 27, 27, 23 and 20. They all got along fine ... they laughed and joked around while we were taking bridal party photos, and when it came time for the reception they spent some time with their own friends who were in attendance. They weren't glued to each others' sides all night.

If your FI doesn't want to include your brother as a groomsman, then ask him to be your own attendant. Done deal.

Istremene

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d40ead14-a2f4-4dee-aa9b-0688c1710d80Post:fba508fc-9bd3-43c2-9244-6f4bd18fa012">Re: Groomsman?</a>:
[QUOTE]If your brother means alot to you, it's totally acceptable to have him stand on your side. You're going to be told a few times that mixed-gender wedding parties are more and more common nowadays. He can wear a tux just like the groomsmen :)
Posted by jaimed99[/QUOTE]

This.

I am having a Bridesmen on my side.  Gender is not so very important as it used to be in these roles.  My MOH had a Man of Honor and her Hubby had a Best Woman because they where who they wanted to stand up for them.