Different bridesmaids for differen locations?

futuremrslmv

We're having a destination wedding with a reception at home.  It's difficult for my friends (scattered around the country) to make it to 2 remote events.  Is it okay to have 1 bridesmaid be an attendant at the destination wedding and a different bridesmaid (who can't afford to go to the destination) be an attendant for the reception?  Or is this tacky?

Beachy730

So are you saying that the BM at the destination wedding would just be a guest at the AHR? 

lalap69

Receptions don't require attendants, so I don't see the point.

futuremrslmv

No, the "destination BM" would not attend the reception at all.  And the "reception BM" would not attend the destination wedding at all.

And just to clarify, we will be doing pictures at our destination wedding, but the family pictures (with extended family, etc.) will be at the reception, so if we include the wedding party in the family pictures, there would be a different BM in the two different sets of pictures.

Geez, this is complicated.  I can confuse myself with this stuff!

banana468

I think you have a BP for the wedding  - where you exchange vows.

If you want photos with specific people at the AHR that's great but no BP.

Beachy730

I can see trying to make you friends feel special, but there really is no need to have a BM at the reception.  At the end of the day, you're most likely going to do what you want anyways, but if I was that friend for the AHR I would probably be a little thrown off being asked to be a BM for the AHR only. 
If anything, ask them both to be BMs.  Then they would just be honorary attendants at the part they couldn't attend. 

aerinpegadrak

Bridesmaid is a ceremonial position with no duties at the reception, so having a bridesmaid for just the reception is just pointless.  I've never really seen combined WP/family pictures; usually the only WP in family shots are the ones who ARE family.

Not a single one of our attendants could attend our AHR (apparently we scheduled it for the same weekend as the plague, so even the ones who planned to come were sick) but it wasn't really a big deal, we didn't draft anyone to fill in for them.

emilyinchile

I think it would be strange to have BMs at all for the reception, much less a different BM.

I'd just talk to the friend who can't afford to go to your wedding and say something like "Jenny, will you be my bridesmaid? I know that you probably can't make the wedding due to finances, so there's really nothing for you to actually DO, I have just always thought of my bridesmaids being my closest friends, and that's you, so I wanted to let you know." If someone said that to me, I would feel special to know I'd been thought of in that way.

trix1223

No.  A BMs "role" begins and ends with the ceremony.  WP has nothing to do at receptions, so if you've chosen to have a DW and AHR, then you live with the consequences of that decision.  And the consequences are you'll be surrounded by family and friends at your reception, but no girls in matching dresses~which is actually all that a WP at a reception is anyway.

Don't do this.  Please.  It will just come off as terribly, terribly AW-ish to think that you need TWO sets of attendants.

jaimed99

I'm sorry, I probably sound like an idiot, but with all of the abbreviations we have here on TK, what the heck does AW mean??? LOL

lalap69

Jaimed -

AW = Attention Wh*re

jaimed99

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_different-bridesmaids-differen-locations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d6e6168e-03e8-4002-a146-c56d7b195badPost:23e6a77d-c943-4c44-85ad-bfa9f9b681dc">Re: Different bridesmaids for differen locations?</a>:
[QUOTE]Jaimed - AW = Attention Wh*re
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh, ok, thanks! :)</div>

Manwaithiel

Threadjack:

Emily, woooooooowwwwwwww. You are pretty. I always loved your other siggy pic because it was awesome but you are very very pretty.

megk8oz

I honestly think it's tacky to have attendants at an AHR in general, but if you insist on having one, it shouldn't be anybody different than who you asked to stand up during your actual ceremony.

Obviously, whoever is at your ceremony should be invited to the AHR ... I just don't think they need to be parading around in matching gowns as your WP members, when there is absolutely no need for a WP at one of these events.

JennaV26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_different-bridesmaids-differen-locations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d6e6168e-03e8-4002-a146-c56d7b195badPost:088ebc22-6c2b-4ff0-bc9d-b544427d99e9">Re: Different bridesmaids for differen locations?</a>:
[QUOTE]Receptions don't require attendants, so I don't see the point.
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

This. Exactly.

bablingbrooke

Tacky as hell.  A WP is for the ceremony; they're off-duty for the reception.  All your WP are guests at the AHR.  If you wanted BMs in their dresses at the reception, you shouldn't have had a DW. 

Am I the only one who thinks it's crazy to have a DW and then a AHR?  Seems like having your cake and eating it too.  It's one thing if one side of the family lives overseas or across the country and you have a second reception with them because they couldn't get to where you live, but if you have a small wedding in St. Lucia or whatever, haven't you opted out of that?  Is that just me?  Am I too cynical these days?

trix1223

brooke:  I'm with you on this one.  I think you choose your wedding location, and then live with the consequences of your decision.  If you want an "exotic" location for a wedding (meaning pretty much anything other than your hometown or FI's hometown), then by all means, have it!  And enjoy every minute of it.

But IMO, then you give up the big reception afterward.  You invite the people you want to attend the wedding.  If they care to come, they celebrate with you.  If they don't care to attend.....they don't.

Kate61487

I would do what dnBeach said - ask your friend to be a BM, even if you think she won't be able to come.  Then they are both BMs at both event, even if that can't be there.

That being said - I think it is silly to ask that she DRESS as a BM at the AHR.  The AHR is NOT a second wedding; it's just a party.  If you want to do family photos there great; but I wouldn't expect anyone in the WP to be dressed like they were at the wedding (you, FI, and groomsmen included).  She can be an honorary BM at the DW and you can get some photos with her at the AHR but don't do the dress etc. that you would have at the wedding.