Brother a Groomsman

nursedani27

I have two sisters and one brother.  Both sisters are in my wedding party as bridesmaids but my FI did not ask my brother to be a GM.  My brother is upset by this.  Does he automatically get made a GM because he is my brother and my sisters are BM?  Or is it my FI choice as to who gets to be his GM?  My mother is killing me!!!  Please HELP!!!

suz62984

1- Your FI's GM are his choice

2- Family isn't automatically included

3- If you would like your brother in the Wp than he should stand on your side. There is nothing wrong with this. More and more, people have mixed gender sides.

jagore08

It's your FIs choice who he asks to stand up with him as was yours.  If you want your brother to be included in the WP ask him to stand up on your side.  There's no rue that you have to have females only.

baystateapple

If you really want your brother in the party, you can have him be a bridesman.  Or you can have be a reader if he wants to be a part of the wedding.  Maybe he can escort your mother down the aisle, instead of having one of the GMs escort her. 

But your FI is in no way obligated to have your little brother be one of his groomsmen.  It's a nice gesture, but it's not required. 

Think of it this way -- would you want to be told that you automatically have to include your FI's sisters as BMs (if he has any)?

mbcdefg

I would talk to your FI about this. Your FI shouldn't be forced to include him, but IMO it's crappy not to include him if all the other siblings are included.

I would've been very hurt and angry had my DH outright refused to include my brother, because while they're not the best of buddies they get along well. We had my brother as a groomsman and it was great.

If FI won't budge, ask him to be your attendant and he can stand alongside your sisters. I would also think long and hard about how he's going to be dealing with your family in the future. I think it's a bad sign if your FI just refuses to even entertain the thought of having him as a groomsman. It's one thing to say, "I'm not that close to him and it might feel weird, which is why I didn't ask," versus, "I know you want him in the wedding but I don't care." (Of course, barring any extreme circumstances where your FI and brother cannot be around each other without fighting or something like that.)

nursedani27

Thanks everyone for the advice.  Let me also add that my brother is singing during the ceremony and I had asked him to escort my mother to her seat.  So he is involved in the cermony just not in the WP.  I didn't even know this was an issue until this morning when the wedding party has been set for months.  Once again, my mother is the one that brought it up and not my brother!!  My FI didn't even include one of his brothers because he has three best friends and we didn't want a huge wedding party.

baystateapple

If your mom brought it up, are you sure that your brother is the one who is upset about it?  Or just your mom?  If you're not sure, that's something I'd double-check really quickly.  She could just be making a mountain out of a molehill.

jaimed99

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones whose brother and FI are friends...we all grew up together so my brother was more than happy to agree to stand with my FI as a GM

I'd ask your brother...as a PP said, your mom seems more upset about it than your brother is...but if your FI isn't interested in adding him as a GM, have him stand on your side as a bridesman and everyone's happy

mbcdefg

I agree, talk to your brother and see if he's O.K. with singing and ushering your mother, as opposed to being a groomsman.

If he is, then tell Mom that everything is all set and your brother is happy. Case closed.

If he's not, then I'd consider apologizing and asking him to be a groomsman or your own attendant.

suz62984

I think singing and ushering your mom, along with being a Gm would be too much. Just stay firm and tell mom that "He is singing and ushering you down the aisle. Our Wp is set so thank you for understanding." Change the subject