Older than usual ring bearer?

Shortstop06

I'm trying to put together my wedding party, which is mostly siblings mine and fiance however I have a younger brother who is mentally handicapped. Physically he is seventeen. Mentally...more six or seven. I hate to say it but he will probably not have a wedding of his own, and he won't really be able to participate with the groomsmens activities. I love him dearly and would love to find a way for him to participate in the ceremony, so I've been toying with the idea of having him be a ring bearer despite his age. Any opinions? Would it be too un traditional to have a 17 year old ring bearer? Or any ideas for another good way for him to participate?

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_older-than-usual-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d932fdfa-f50e-4b68-a313-259b02065e0ePost:684ed2a9-aed6-4b0d-a109-3207e54c1886">Older than usual ring bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm trying to put together my wedding party, which is mostly siblings mine and fiance however I have a younger brother who is mentally handicapped. Physically he is seventeen. Mentally...more six or seven. I hate to say it but he will probably not have a wedding of his own, and he won't really be able to participate with the groomsmens activities. I love him dearly and would love to find a way for him to participate in the ceremony, so I've been toying with the idea of having him be a ring bearer despite his age. Any opinions? Would it be too un traditional to have a 17 year old ring bearer? Or any ideas for another good way for him to participate?
Posted by Shortstop06[/QUOTE]
First, the groomsmen's (and bridesmaids') activities consist of walking down the aisle and smiling for pictures.  Anything else is optional.  Second, if he's an attendant, he should probably be on your side rather than the groom's, since he's your brother.  The WP should be put together based on relationships, not genitalia.<div>
</div><div>Ask your brother what role he wants to perform.  Being in the spotlight at a wedding can be kind of stressful and he may not be comfortable with that, even if you deem that this will be the only wedding he gets to participate in and he should do something at least once.  (Rather presumptuous, by the way.)  If he says he wants to be the ring bearer when you ask him what he wants to do, then yes, it's fine to have an adult in the role.  But if he wants to be an attendant, or if he doesn't want to do anything at all, you should follow his lead.</div>

kmmssg

It is very sweet of you to want to include him.  I think the right answer for his role is whatever role he will be most comfortable in.

My son has Asperger's.  As he has grown up he has become much more social but he was 10 when his oldest sister married.  She wanted him to have some sort of role in the wedding.  We gave it a lot of thought and decided he would be most comfortable being my escort.  He had never been in a position to have all eyes on him and walking with me would keep him comfortable.  Heck, now he is starting his Senior year and does public speaking!!

Would your brother do well and be comfortable escorting your mom, and may be g'ma to their seats?  Do you have any idea if he would be uncomfortable if all eyes were on him as ring bearer?  Whatever role makes him feel comfortable and secure is the best one.  Good luck!!

SmallenForever

If he wants to do it, it is fine. 

JoanE2012

I'm going to go against the grain and say no to the ring bearer.  It is a position usually reserved for the very young.  To me it would look awkward having someone that is obviously older than 4 or 5 walking down the aisle with the ring.  I would feel it was a pity move.  Just because he is mentally six or seven doesn't mean he should be treated as such.  If he can manage it, have him stand with the WP.  Or maybe he can walk down the aisle and/or escort your mother or grandmother and then be seated. 

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_older-than-usual-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d932fdfa-f50e-4b68-a313-259b02065e0ePost:30241680-80b6-4a07-b78f-9cdf38ac97f3">Re: Older than usual ring bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to go against the grain and say no to the ring bearer.  It is a position usually reserved for the very young.  To me it would look awkward having someone that is obviously older than 4 or 5 walking down the aisle with the ring.  I would feel it was a pity move.  Just because he is mentally six or seven doesn't mean he should be treated as such.  If he can manage it, have him stand with the WP.  Or maybe he can walk down the aisle and/or escort your mother or grandmother and then be seated. 
Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]
I've seen adult ring bearers and flower girls.  If that person genuinely wants to do it, it doesn't matter in the slightest if some judgy person in the audience thinks it looks weird.

DMoore421

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_older-than-usual-ring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d932fdfa-f50e-4b68-a313-259b02065e0ePost:684ed2a9-aed6-4b0d-a109-3207e54c1886">Older than usual ring bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm trying to put together my wedding party, which is mostly siblings mine and fiance however I have a younger brother who is mentally handicapped. Physically he is seventeen. Mentally...more six or seven. I hate to say it but he will probably not have a wedding of his own, and he won't really be able to participate with the groomsmens activities. I love him dearly and would love to find a way for him to participate in the ceremony, so I've been toying with the idea of having him be a ring bearer despite his age. Any opinions? Would it be too un traditional to have a 17 year old ring bearer? Or any ideas for another good way for him to participate?
Posted by Shortstop06[/QUOTE]

he can be on any side you wish - and if you are comfortable with him holding the rings and it is something you would like him to do to be included then I see no problem with it. 

you don't have to give him the title of ring bearer though - he can have that job - but still stand with the guys as long as you are comfortable with it - and FI is comfy with it and he is capable of standing there - just because he can't take part in the other activities (for some reason no one here gets that although not required - bridal party activities are fairly normal for most people )