She's my childhood friend and my son's nanny, but lately things have just.......

alcmtd

Ok I really need some advice. I have a childhood friend that 4 years ago when my son was born we were still really close and I named her his godmother. Since then I have grown and matured a lot and our relationship has been distant. She lives out of state and I recently took my son to visit her and it was a complete nightmare. The second night at midnight I was on the phone with my fiance' planning my escape.  Over the years I have come to realize how controlling and all about her she is. A big part of me loves her like a sister and cherish's the memories we have together, but the other parts of me (newer parts, Mother, fiance, homeowner, ADULT) just don't want to be around such "drama" if you will.  I have made the choice not to ask her to be in the bridal party in fear of her being a PWR...(my sister's term "Potential Wedding Ruiner)

A few weekends ago friend called me and immediately began saying how "WE" (her and I) needed to get on the ball and start planning my wedding, and I needed to let her know when we were doing things so she could make plans to come down; I felt compelled to holler at her cause she just assumes she's part of all this.  But I now realize that I probably need to talk to her and tell her how I'm feeling.  I'm feeling really cold about all of this and hate to say that it's not the fear of losing a friend or hurting her feelings, I JUST DON'T WANT THE DRAMA and GUILT trip I KNOW is going to be put on me.  Any advice is appreciated.

banana468

Just say, "Oh, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but the FI and I have all of this covered."

If she makes any reference to being in the BP, then and ONLY then can you say, "Actually I haven't picked the WP yet," or, "Oh, my friend Melinda is my MOH but I'd love it if you'd do X"

And X can be a reading or bringing up gifts if you're having a religious ceremony.  If you don't want her to do X then just say, "Oh we've already picked the bridal party but I do hope you'll be there that weekend!"

Beyond that, stand up for yourself when she tries to walk all over you. 

bekahjane89

I feel you on this, no worries - you are not alone! The only differences are I don't have kids involved (or I'm sure I'd be ready to pull my hair out if I had my "friends" bad mannors exposed to my children) and I live in the same town as them. They are immature, petty and just unbelievably stupid! They're a good time, but useless otherwise. I am proud of you for not having her in the wedding party, that is the first step. I however have many friends with this issue so I can't get rid of them and have a whole crop full of PWR... (thank your sister for that great term! ) As far as keeping her role low key I'd say that the previous posts pretty much sum up all of your options but if you figure out some magic maturity growth for friends let me know!!
Best of Luck!!

alcmtd

Thank you two so much for the advice.. I just haven't tackled the situation but I've been avoiding it all together.. even wedding planning. Not just because of her, just because I can't make a decision on anything so i;ve just taken a break. So it's pretty much my worm hole when she has asked. but I know sooner or later I will have to stand up for myself, and it is certainly not that I don't know how or don't have the guts, it's just I'm not sure how you tell the person that you promised would be in your wedding when you were 6! I am certainly taking all my options and putting them out for my fiance to help me with, but if I know any better he is absolutely convinced she is a PWR and would almost rather she didn't show. Not that he doesn't like her again she's our childs GM but he knows what a drama queen she is and wants to avoid any possible b***ching sessions wedding day. or from me on the honeymoon lol!