Maid of Honor...zilla?

Neenie18

Okay, I am writing this post because I have becomem SO frustrated and I'm not sure if I am taking things way too personal or my MOH is really, well, not a good MOH whatsoever.

I haven't received help with any of my tons of DIY projects for the wedding. I have a lot, yes, but not ONE thing has she helped me with. She has set up a few dates, but has called back and canceled right before.

Bridesmaid dress shopping was a nightmare because I left it to the ladies to choose their own, but she complained that the particular dress shop I went to had "cheap looking dresses" and suggested I went else where. So I ended up doing that...

AND.. the dress she picked ended up being discontinued, so the dressshop "re-created it". Apparently when she got it back, it didn't fit her right, and it looked ONCE again, cheap, in her opinion. I got my first phone call about her complaining about it and how she thinks this dress place is horrible. The dress place did her the favor of having her get a dress off the rack, which fit her fairly well, and altering it just a little so that it fits. I get a phone call last night of her saying that she got the dress last night and she hates it. All she see's is her boobs sticking out (which I really dont want to showcase at my wedding), and there are tons of snags on the front. She asked ME to call them to see if they can ONCE again do something for her. She said the women at the dress shop doesn't like her (hmm..?).

There is only 4 weeks left until my wedding. I was crying last night just because it's just very frustrating. Do I really have to deal with this? NONE of my bridesmaids are doing this, fyi and I have 7!!!!!!

What do I do? Help..

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honorzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:dbc10e8f-66a8-4882-b85e-18b7fe128ceaPost:f2578cf3-eebe-4ea4-ac65-ec757408c15c">Maid of Honor...zilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I am writing this post because I have becomem SO frustrated and I'm not sure if I am taking things way too personal or my MOH is really, well, not a good MOH whatsoever. I haven't received help with any of my tons of DIY projects for the wedding. I have a lot, yes, but not ONE thing has she helped me with. She has set up a few dates, but has called back and canceled right before.
<strong>
First off, your MOH is not required to help you plan your wedding. All she is required to do is get the dress (which from below seems like an issue), come to the ceremony sober, fluff your train, hold your flowers, and sign the license if required. Your FI should be the one helping with the DIY aspects of the wedding, not your WP. Stop expecting that she'll help, because she doesn't have to.
</strong>
Bridesmaid dress shopping was a nightmare because I left it to the ladies to choose their own, but she complained that the particular dress shop I went to had "cheap looking dresses" and suggested I went else where. So I ended up doing that... AND.. the dress she picked ended up being discontinued, so the dressshop "re-created it". Apparently when she got it back, it didn't fit her right, and it looked ONCE again, cheap, in her opinion. I got my first phone call about her complaining about it and how she thinks this dress place is horrible. The dress place did her the favor of having her get a dress off the rack, which fit her fairly well, and altering it just a little so that it fits. I get a phone call last night of her saying that she got the dress last night and she hates it. All she see's is her boobs sticking out (which I really dont want to showcase at my wedding), and there are tons of snags on the front. She asked ME to call them to see if they can ONCE again do something for her. She said the women at the dress shop doesn't like her (hmm..?).

<strong>She needs to be the one to call them. She is the one paying for the dress it's her responsibility to man up and let them know she's not satisfied. It's not up to you. She's a big girl. She got herself into this mess with the dress it's up to her to her to fix it. Remember the requirements above? This is the one thing she is responsible for. If she can't get it done she has basically removed herself from the WP. Have you seen the dress on her? How did she not notice the boob issue when she first tried it on? She's on dress number three. Either she's being ridiculously picky or the dress shop truly did screw up. Let her handle it!</strong>

There is only 4 weeks left until my wedding. I was crying last night just because it's just very frustrating. Do I really have to deal with this? NONE of my bridesmaids are doing this, fyi and I have 7!!!!!! What do I do? Help.. :(
Posted by Neenie18[/QUOTE]

All you can do for the next four weeks is relax, work on what you need to get done. You can't worry about MOH and her dress.If she doesn't have it, she doesn't have it. Not your problem.

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honorzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:dbc10e8f-66a8-4882-b85e-18b7fe128ceaPost:60764938-caba-4fb5-8c96-efc808ece79c">Re: Maid of Honor...zilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]I get that MOH's aren't required to help... but she's been a close friend of mine for such a long time.. <strong>I just thought that maybe she'd care </strong>to lend a hand being that we have so many projects to do in order to cut costs, ya know? Apparently, when she first tried on the dress her boobs were showing and then they said they were going to do something to the straps to make them not show as muc.. I don't know? She sent me pictures of her in the boob dress and you see is BOOBS. Thanks for the advice.. I'm going to relax as much as possible. These four weeks are going to fly and I'll never have this time again.
Posted by Neenie18[/QUOTE]

<div>You thought wrong. She has her own life. Doesn't mean she's a bad friend or MOH, it means that she is normal. It's YOUR wedding and no one wants to tie up 400 bows on programs and rhinestone place cards. Not even brides like to do this!? This is why you want HELP! </div><div>
</div><div>And as someone with a large chest, give her a break. I for one, do not like my boobs out, but if someone picked a dress for me, or in her case she had one recreated, it might not fit the way you wanted. I can't even wear triangle cut stuff. So don't even think that she wants her sisters out. </div><div>
</div><div>You only need to relax. The dress is her problem.</div>

suz62984

Well I'm with you on the dress. It isn't your place to clean up her mess. I would just tell her that "unfortunately i have too much to do and I can't take care of this. I'm sorry. I'm sure everything will get worked out." then change the subject.

I'm with her on the DIY. It isn't any MOH or BM's place to help you with DIY. It is up to you and FI entirely; if you can't handle it then outsource the job by hiring someone. The MOH & BMs are only needed to show up in the dress sober, walk down the aisle, stand still, fix the train, hold the flowers and smile for pictures. That's all there is. You chose to do a ton of DIY projects so they are on you, and you alone, to do. As far as her wanting to help...some people do not get into DIY or wedding projects. For instance, I don't mind some DIY projects and have a few for the wedding. My mom however doesn't care for them. If she can't pay someone else to do it then she doesn't need it.

mkrupar

In Response to Re: Maid of Honor...zilla?:
[QUOTE]I get that MOH's aren't required to help... but she's been a close friend of mine for such a long time.. I just thought that maybe she'd care to lend a hand being that we have so many projects to do in order to cut costs, ya know? Apparently, when she first tried on the dress her boobs were showing and then they said they were going to do something to the straps to make them not show as muc.. I don't know? She sent me pictures of her in the boob dress and you see is BOOBS. Thanks for the advice.. I'm going to relax as much as possible. These four weeks are going to fly and I'll never have this time again.
Posted by Neenie18[/QUOTE]

She's just not that into you....well at least your wedding. No everyone is excited about weddings. They just don't do it for some people. She probably has other things going on in her life that take precenece over you wedding. It's YOUR decision to DIY to cut costs, therefore it's YOUR responsibility to get the DIY projects done, not hers. Forget what you thought she would want to do and accept any help she gives you graciously.

gottahavashorti

It's okay to be disappointed that she hasn't wanted to help, but let it go, don't get upset about it and don't hold it against her.  She's under no obligation to help with your DIY projects.  Honestly, I generally found it was much cheaper just to skip things than to DIY them in order to keep our budget down when necessary.

As for the dress, it's possible that there really have been screwups at the shop or things just didn't turn out as planned.  At this point, let her know your dress requirements (color, length, designer) and ask that she show up in a dress the day of the wedding.  She could get that one fixed at the dress shop, by a private seamstress, or get a different dress.

You could be more flexible about her dress and just ask her to get a coordinating dress, possibly off the rack or in a different color.  She's MOH and their dresses are sometimes a different color/style anyhow so it wouldn't look odd.  Just ask that she take care of it herself, it's not really something  you need to get involved in even if requested.

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honorzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:dbc10e8f-66a8-4882-b85e-18b7fe128ceaPost:0ef46e2e-8e5b-4f2a-8718-1435b62b5a76">Re: Maid of Honor...zilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's okay to be disappointed that she hasn't wanted to help, but let it go, don't get upset about it and don't hold it against her.  She's under no obligation to help with your DIY projects.  Honestly, I generally found it was much cheaper just to skip things than to DIY them in order to keep our budget down when necessary. Posted by gottahavashorti[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. DIY projects can save you money for your wedding, but sometimes the best money-saving tip is to skip them entirely.

The only really "necessary" things for a wedding are food and seats for your guests and maybe some background music, plus the legal stuff (officiant, license). If the DIY programs, chair bows, save the date cards, etc., are stressing you out, then just forget about them all together and save yourself the money and the headache.  

Also, is she the type of person who just hates DIY projects and crafty stuff? I dislike them so much that I avoided that for my own wedding ... never mind being excited about doing it for someone else's wedding. I'd probably help a good friend once or twice if she really wanted help, but any more than that and I confess that I'd probably be "busy" on those days. (Especially if, for whatever reason, I thought her projects were tacky or shoddy ... I'd rather avoid it and keep my mouth shut, than slip and reveal to her that they didn't look good.)

As for the dress, ditto everyone else, let her handle it on her own. It's not your problem.

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honorzilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:dbc10e8f-66a8-4882-b85e-18b7fe128ceaPost:60764938-caba-4fb5-8c96-efc808ece79c">Re: Maid of Honor...zilla?</a>:
[QUOTE]I get that MOH's aren't required to help...<strong> but she's been a close friend of mine for such a long time.. I just thought that maybe she'd care to lend a hand being that we have so many projects to do in order to cut costs, ya know?</strong> Apparently, when she first tried on the dress her boobs were showing and then they said they were going to do something to the straps to make them not show as muc.. I don't know? She sent me pictures of her in the boob dress and you see is BOOBS. Thanks for the advice.. I'm going to relax as much as possible. These four weeks are going to fly and I'll never have this time again.
Posted by Neenie18[/QUOTE]


Really, if your MOH has all the time in the world and willingly wants to help out then she will.  Since she isn't, she either doesn't have the time or she simply is not interested in wedding related things.  She is probably excited for the wedding and your marriage, but not the planning and that is completely normal.  Yeah there is really nothing you can do to get her to jump on board with the wedding stuff esp if there are 4 weeks to go and she hasn't helped thus far, it looks like maybe she won't start now.  Unless you ask her, but if she says no just understand because it is not her job and she is not getting paid.  Regarding the dress, it is her job to get it done and she shouldn't be pestering you and bugging you about it.  She's a big girl.

bablingbrooke

Why do people think it's the MOH's job to help with wedding planning?  Where did this start?  I never heard of that before I came to TK.