Wedding Party

Large wedding party

So my question here will not be "is my party to large?" Quite frankly I don't care if people think it is or not cause they aren't putting a dime into this....WE ARE! Anyway here is my real deal. I am having 7 to 9 BM and I am happy with that as well as my FH. Now instead of trying to spend all the money on gifts would it be more reasonable to split the cost of the BM Dress and GM Tux? The dresses are very elegant but I know how to go cheap and have beautiful gowns including my wedding dress which is less than 500 but looks 5000. I am looking at budget practical and just think it would make more since to help with those expenses than give gifts that aren't guaranteed to be used later. At least with the dresses and tuxedos we know they will be used accessories too. What do you think?

Re: Large wedding party

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_large-wedding-party-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:dc642007-fe3c-4eaa-83d8-00991ce240cbPost:e285ac52-011b-41b5-8ac8-c1d077ba4195">Large wedding party</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my question here will not be "is my party to large?" Quite frankly I don't care if people think it is or not cause they aren't putting a dime into this....WE ARE! Anyway here is my real deal. I am having 7 to 9 BM and I am happy with that as well as my FH. Now instead of trying to spend all the money on gifts would it be more reasonable to split the cost of the BM Dress and GM Tux? The dresses are very elegant but I know how to go cheap and have beautiful gowns including my wedding dress which is less than 500 but looks 5000. I am looking at budget practical and just think it would make more since to help with those expenses than give gifts that aren't guaranteed to be used later. At least with the dresses and tuxedos we know they will be used accessories too. What do you think?
    Posted by dbozeman1[/QUOTE]
    Well, if you're requiring them to pay for anything other than the dress/tux (including shoes, accessories, or hair and makeup), that cost needs to be covered by you, and not as their gift.

    I've heard split opinions on this one. Some people would prefer to have the dress paid for so they can keep their own money. Some people wouldn't consider it to be a gift, since the dress doesn't really benefit them, and since the gift is supposed to be a thanks for being in your wedding. Personally, I'm in the latter category. If your budget couldn't accommodate the costs inherent with a large wedding party, you should have taken that into consideration before asking.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • My FI and I also have a large party (7 on each side). I have not required that the girls get their hair and makeup done, but they all said they want to be booked in for it, so I am paying for the make-up. I will also be getting them all gifts to thank them for being there, and helping me so much.
    I think as long as the dresses aren't expensive (and are affordable for your BM's) you should still get them gifts. I don't think I would pay for part of thier dress costs and not get them a gift. That's just my 2 cents.

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  • I don't think helping pay for their dress counts as a gift that is supposed to be thanking them for being in your wedding.  I wouldnt consider it a gift at all, personally.
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  • Okay the reason I ask is cause I was in a bridal party where the bride did just that. My budget covers gifts too but I still like that opinion anyway. I felt a little cheated that we didn't get gifts but she treated some bridesmaids better than others anyway. Also NO I don't feel like I am a dainty prissy bride. I told each and every bridesmaid that although they are bridesmaids I really want to make sure they are confortable and taken care of. I just want to gift them something practical that I think they will actually use not something that will be tossed to the side. What would you recommend for that?
  • bongebonge member
    First Comment
    My fiance asked his gm what they prefer because they all have "useless" gifts from other weddings, the concensus was to help pay. Some have financial issues & they really don't care about gifts one bit. 

    I know everyone says if it is for the wedding it is not a gift but i think it really depends on your group because to some that WOULD be a gift. They will be standing up there regardless so making it a bit cheaper on them is ok if that is what they would prefer. 

    I got my girls gifts, but they BUY their dresses, they also picked whatever dresses from where ever. The guys have to RENT a tux so for them they get no further use out of it plus can not get a $20 target tux, not possible. Only 1 of my girls do not wear dresses so will have no use. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_large-wedding-party-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:dc642007-fe3c-4eaa-83d8-00991ce240cbPost:d3b39473-64ba-4614-b133-706f7c1ce0e4">Re: Large wedding party</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Large wedding party : I'm confused about this. Did someone here call you a "dainty prissy bride"? Regarding the distinction you're making between the tux rental (cannot be worn again) and the dress purchase (could be worn again) -- just because the dress *could* be worn again doesn't mean that it will.  I have never, ever worn a bridesmaid dress that I'd be caught dead in again.  It doesn't matter how much the bride swears up and down that "oh, you can totally wear it again", I've never had a bridesmaid dress I liked.  And while technically, yes, I *could* wear it again, in reality I wouldn't.  So I don't see any distinction there between the rented tuxes and the purchased dresses.
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]
    I wore one again, as a hostess for a different wedding.  I got to choose the style of it, though, which made a difference.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • im in a bridal party - theres 10 on each side

    my cousin decided our dresses will be custom made and she paid 130 towards the dresses , and the tuxes that groomsmen are buying. she is also giving us jewelry that we are wearing on the wedding day

    this is considered our gifts

    i may just be too easy going but i have no qualms with this lol

  • Each bridal party is different so you gotta go with what works for you. I have 10 bridesmaids, 3 junior bridesmaids and 2 flower girls and like you, I don't care what anybody has to say about it ;) These are my best friends and family and I can't imagine the journey without them. You may end up surprised as I was - I have a resale license and I picked out simple little black dresses and told the girls if they wanted them I would purchase all their dresses for them. 100% gift, and a dress you actually COULD wear again. I was met with total denial! The girls were all so excited to go shopping and because I have been a bridesmaid in all of THEIR weddings they want to help and pay for things. They've all been awesome. Just make sure you really have your budget nailed down - flowers and such get very pricey with a bigger party. 

    I also won 3 free tuxedo rentals and instead of taking that for ourselves and family, we deducted it from the entire party cost and then divided it between all the men so they all get the savings. 
  • Thanks to everyone for their responses they are very helpful. I guess it could pretty much go either way but luckily we still have time. To the lady that said she never wore her bridesmaids dresses, I understand but there have been a lot of girls that I knew who were in weddings and wore their bridesmaid dresses. I guess I didn't clarify with the tuxes but that actually isn't so much my concern cause I just want to worry about my girls. I am paying for their jewlry and part of the dresses. I know that a lot of the girls I do have in my party are not in the best financial arena so I really wanted to make sure that they had the opportunity and not worry about if they would have enough money or not. But I do like the idea of actually giving the choice to the maids and just asking them which they would rather do. At this point I just want to make them as happy as they are making me by being there with me.
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