Wedding Party

Trouble with FSIL

So my FSIL is a bridesmaid. My sister is my MOH. They had previous problem before FI and I were ever together. Once we got together it seemed like they both squashed it. Well I've been trying to get FSIL to go with us dress shopping for the past few weeks now and she always has an excuse. The 1st time she told me she worked all day but FI and I stopped by after I had gone dress shopping with the other girls and she was sitting at home. Then we went shoe shopping she told me she had to go to work in an hour (the shoe store is right down the road from her house) I went there afterwards to pick up my son cause FI's mom was babysitting him and FSIL was there. Then she told me to plan things on Saturday cause that's her day off. I scheduled something for this Satuday she said she could go then Thursday she said she had a few hair appts (she's a stylist) so I told her we'd schedule around her appts. But then Friday she said she was actually going to the apple orchard. Now I don't want u to get me wrong and think I expect my bridesmaids to be at every single shopping trip or even at any at all. I feel like if they want a say they'll show up and if not they'll have to deal with what the other girls chose. My issue is she keeps lying rather than saying she doesn't want to go. I'd rather her just be honest with me. I thought maybe it was because my sister is always there and FSIL may feel uncomfortable?? I want to make her feel included and comfortable but I don't know if I should say something or just continue to let her know when the trips are and if she doesn't show she doesn't show?? I asked FI and he said he thinks I should say something to her I just don't know what to say or how to say it because I don't want to start drama with his family 7 mons before the wedding. Maybe I'm completely wrong and she just doesn't want to be involved with the wedding stuff which I know is her choice but if it's an issue with my sister I would love to get it resolved. Anyway just let me know what u all think.. talk to her or leave it be??

Re: Trouble with FSIL

  • Have you tried asking her to go just you and her?  Then if she stiill lies you know its not about your sister. 
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  • Obviously she doesn't want to be involved.

    Let it go. Ask for her budget. Pick a dress. If she complains, tell her she needs to give you suggestions for things she would like before x date. If she doesn't, you say, "Well, dresses need to be picked. This is the dress." If she has a problem, she can always opt out.

    Don't dictate shoes, hair, or makeup. Tell her to wear black/silver/gold/whatever shoes. Let her doll herself up.

    She shows up. She walks down the aisle. You and FI get married and live happily ever after.

    The end.
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  • No I haven't asked her to go with me alone yet. That's a good idea. I'll try that.

    LOL Very true.. I don''t mind if she doesn't want to be involved I just want everyone to be happy. I want all the same dress but jewelry, shoes, all the rest doesn't matter to me I just want the same color shoe. I just always ask my bridesmaids if the want to join me and if not that's fine I just don't want her to lie to me.. I feel like if I stop asking her to join she may feel left out.. But I also don't want her to continue to lie about why she can't go..

  • If she continues to lie about things (and it's very childish to do) then just ignore her. It looks badly on her, not you. You continuing to include her is nice of you and there's nothing wrong with that.

    Keep in mind that you might not know the whole story so while you think she's lying to you, it might actually be something else. I'm not saying she's not being shady, I'm just advising you to keep an open mind.
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  • Very true it could all just be a coincidence. Maybe I'm over reacting.. I'll just keep letting her know when I'm doing stuff and I'll start trying to ask her if she'd like to come with me just her and I. Then I guess I'll go from there. Thanks ladies :) It's nice to have these boards lets me get out frustration in order to avoid drama in my life! lol
  • Glad to help =)
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  • OP, please use paragraph breaks in the future.  I don't know how PP did it, but I just can't get through the huge wall o' text.  Looks like you got your answer anyway, so just think of it as for future reference.
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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