Disappointed...and a little hurt, but trying not to let it cloud the day.

pete2835

So I am down a bridesmaid (food poisoning...YIKES!) and the 4 members of her family…I find out two days before my wedding. She is driving from GA to Texas and has already informed me she isn't coming. She spent the night in the ER on Tuesday bc it is salmonella....so it is a definite no go. Unfortunately, she is one of my oldest friends (like our moms were childhood friends so we grew up together) and I was her MOH so it will be sad not to have her beside me. She should be ok in a few days, but not ok enough to drive cross-country.

Throw in the $500 I covered on food, beverages, bridesmaid dresses (which I bought), hair and makeup, and a bridesmaid gift...and it extra sucks. However, I am glad it is just food poisoning and she is going to be ok.

 

UPDATE: So strange turn of events...after going on facebook, it looks like she may have been sick, but not sick enough to stop posting pics or updates about how she is cleaning her house and doing laundry and taking her daughter to school and taking photos. It looks like her friend who was coming with to help her with her lttle one backed out...and had she been honest, I would've been hurt but understood a little. How can you argue with the fact that she was sick and doesn't feel like she can drive by herself with little ones in the car....you can't . Now I am just hurt. She didn't even call me. I had to get in touch wtih her to find out she wasn't coming. 

bablingbrooke

I don't think you'd be at all out of line to ask her what's going on.

saxy414

It's understandable to be hurt.  Give her a call and let her know how you feel, and hopefully she'll be able to explain herself. 

gottahavashorti

I would call to check up on how she's doing in her recovery, since you've seen positive signs on facebook.  But if she was ill enough to be hospitalized, she may not want to wander too far from home in case she gets sick again.

twilight.rose

I agree with PPs. You wouldn't be at all out of line to call her for an update on her situation.

pete2835

I have spoken to her and the message she feeds me is a lot different than the message she is giving on FB.

loop0406

Hhhm, then you should mention that to her, how she seems to be fine on facebook...

aerinpegadrak

I recently took a sick day due to food poisoning.  I threw up in the morning, then spent the rest of the day alternating between housework and power naps.  They're not necessarily mutually exclusive, especially for a mom who doesn't really get to take sick time.

mbcdefg

Even if she's sick, life still must go on ... the laundry needs to be done, the kid needs to go to school, they need to eat dinner, etc. She might be chilling on the couch and posting on FB between barfs.

And even if she's feeling O.K. enough at home to do housework, that's a LOT different than sitting in a moving car for several hours. Or being afraid that you're going to be standing up at your friend's wedding and suddenly barf all over the altar.

pete2835

I guess the part that bothers me is there has barely been a sorry and I had to call her to find out she wasn't coming...there was no call to me. That is the part that hurts my feelings. I am fine wth her needing rest and recovery. We've all been down and out sick...and it bites! However, it meant a lot of rearranging for me, and it would've been nice had she let me know vs. me needing to seek out that info.

bablingbrooke

I think mbc might be on to something.  And wouldn't it be really hard for you to make the phone call to your friend telling her you can't be in her wedding two days beforehand?  Maybe she felt too ashamed and rather than do what she should have done, just decided to not show.  Right?  No.  She owed you a call.  But maybe that's what was going on.

Emotions are probably running really high now because you're getting married tomorrow and there are 10,000 things on your mind.  Do your best to not let this bother you for the time being.  You will soon be so distracted by everyone and everything that you won't dwell on this.  And then after the wedding is over (and the HM if you're going on it right away) have a chat with her.  But she's sick and you're hurt, so no productive conversation is likely to happen today.

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disappointedand-little-hurt-but-trying-not-let-cloud-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ddc6f516-05c5-43c5-a519-c5f81d24b916Post:3fab045b-6c3d-458c-9aa5-c551ba839c5d">Disappointed...and a little hurt, but trying not to let it cloud the day.</a>:
[QUOTE]So I am down a bridesmaid (food poisoning...YIKES!) and the 4 members of her family…I find out two days before my wedding. She is driving from GA to Texas and has already informed me she isn't coming. She spent the night in the ER on Tuesday bc it is salmonella....so it is a definite no go. Unfortunately, she is one of my oldest friends (like our moms were childhood friends so we grew up together) and I was her MOH so it will be sad not to have her beside me. She should be ok in a few days, but not ok enough to drive cross-country. Throw in the $500 I covered on food, beverages, bridesmaid dresses (which I bought), hair and makeup, and a bridesmaid gift...and it extra sucks. However, I am glad it is just food poisoning and she is going to be ok.  <strong> UPDATE: So strange turn of events...after going on facebook, it looks like she may have been sick, but not sick enough to stop posting pics or updates about how she is cleaning her house and doing laundry and taking her daughter to school and taking photos.</strong> It looks like her friend who was coming with to help her with her lttle one backed out...and had she been honest, I would've been hurt but understood a little. How can you argue with the fact that she was sick and doesn't feel like she can drive by herself with little ones in the car....you can't . Now I am just hurt. She didn't even call me. I had to get in touch wtih her to find out she wasn't coming. 
Posted by pete2835[/QUOTE]

I really don't know what the purpose of this thread is.  Your friend got sick and had to go to the ER.  Salmonella is serious.  You don't downplay it by saying, "I'm glad it was JUST food poisoning". 

Food poisoning is something serious and I can see why she won't be driving across the country for your wedding.  Would you want to?  She can mozzy around in her own, tidy up, but probably can't do anything intense.

I imagaine she would want to remain close to home in case she needs to use the bathroom for food in and out. 

You need to get over it and stop feeling hurt.  You can feel upset or hurt for a few hours or a day but then get over it and let it go.  Stop dwelling on something you can't control. 

and stop saying "She didn't even call me".. well if she didn't call you then how did you find out about her ER trip and the salmonella.. okay maybe you found out through facebook.. but anyway who cares that she didn't call you. 

She probably assumed you are resting up before the wedding and feels she doesn't want to bother you maybe.  Or maybe she thinks you are super busy with last minute wedding planning.

Or maybe she is just NOT UP FOR IT.. for calling you.. and she rather focus on her housework and child and day to day life right now. 

Seriously.  You are getting married in 2 days you said.  Stop wasting time posting unimportant things and go relax for your wedding. 

bablingbrooke

Peony: I think you need to read through the whole thread before you respond.  She's upset because her friend can't be in her wedding at the last minute--ANY one of us would feel that way.  And if the friend is lying about it, that's not cool either.  I also think that the BM not calling to let the bride know she can't be there isn't very nice, either.  She owed OP a call after she got out of the hospital and back home.  If she was still in the hospital obviously that would be different.  But she's not.

ETA: It's also not like this girl is whining about how selfish her BM is for not coming to the wedding or railing against her for that.  She says she understands, these things happen, she just wishes the girl would have told her herself.  I think that's a very fair way to feel.

banana468

Ditto PP.

Ladies, please remember to read the entire thread before responding.

jenn.daniel

She should have called you, but some people don't like to talk about how they've been sick.  Have fun at your wedding!

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_disappointedand-little-hurt-but-trying-not-let-cloud-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ddc6f516-05c5-43c5-a519-c5f81d24b916Post:3fab045b-6c3d-458c-9aa5-c551ba839c5d">Disappointed...and a little hurt, but trying not to let it cloud the day.</a>:
[QUOTE]So I am down a bridesmaid (food poisoning...YIKES!) and the 4 members of her family…I find out two days before my wedding. She is driving from GA to Texas <strong>and has already informed me she isn't coming. </strong>She spent the night in the ER on Tuesday bc it is salmonella....so it is a definite no go. Unfortunately, she is one of my oldest friends (like our moms were childhood friends so we grew up together) and I was her MOH so it will be sad not to have her beside me. She should be ok in a few days, but not ok enough to drive cross-country<strong>. Throw in the $500 I covered on food, beverages, bridesmaid dresses (which I bought), hair and makeup, and a bridesmaid gift...and it extra sucks.</strong> However, I am glad it is just food poisoning and she is going to be ok.   UPDATE: So strange turn of events...after going on facebook, it looks like she may have been sick, but not sick enough to stop posting pics or updates about how she is cleaning her house and doing laundry and taking her daughter to school and taking photos. It looks like her friend who was coming with to help her with her lttle one backed out...and had she been honest, I would've been hurt but understood a little. How can you argue with the fact that she was sick and doesn't feel like she can drive by herself with little ones in the car....you can't . Now I am just hurt. She didn't even call me. I had to get in touch wtih her to find out she wasn't coming. 
Posted by pete2835[/QUOTE]


I read the first sentence of her post where it said "She has already informed me that she isn't coming".. I assumed wrong I guess that the MOH called bride to inform her that she couldn't be there.  I guess bride called MOH.  But I said what did it matter that she didn't call?  I said that because if you are in the ER with food poisoning, how are you going to call? 

And the only other thing I didn't get was the OP saying about spending $500.00 on food and beverages which I guess covered the MOH's place seating.  Her dress adn shoes that she bought her, make up..

I understand she can't get these things back.

But the whole general tone of her post made it sound like she was all mad and pissed that her friend can't make it because she was in the ER with food poisoning. 

Also, to be honest, I didn't see those posts after because I had my reply to message box open and sometimes I take a while to write my message because I was multi-tasking with other things.. so by the time I finish typing my response I see that others have already responded while I was still typing.  Sorry about that though.

I didn't realize until afterwards that bride had to be the pne to call MOH.  I can now understand how that can be a problem.  Really, even if the MOH was sick, she could have called to explain the situation, instead of leaving the bride hanging and if the bride never called MOH then on the wedding day she would be worrying about where her friend is etc.

I can now see how messed up and inconsiderate her friend was to not call the bride to inform her that she will not be coming to the wedding that day