NWPR: weight loss not for family?

stina93446

Hey guys, again, NOT wedding related. Please don't quote me because I may delete it after I get my answers. Thanks.

emilyinchile

What does your dad think about his weight and healthy living? My answer of how to approach it really depends on whether it's a topic he's sensitive about, something you guys have discussed before, etc.

My dad was pretty overweight for a long time because he wrecked his knees and can't do much exercise, plus he likes food. His wife (who's a doctor) found an eating plan that he can actually stick to - he had to cut carbs, which was a huge lifestyle adjustment, but he can still have all the other stuff he likes like whiskey and steak, which was key to making it work. He's been on this eating plan for several years now and is plump rather than fat, and he doesn't feel deprived. If you do end up talking to your dad about diet, it might be an idea to go with a possible plan that you think he could do long-term, so that he doesn't just say "oh no, I could never give up XYZ to eat salad every day" and not give it a chance.

ohwhynot

That's a tough one.  Your dad is an adult and fully aware, I am sure, of the health consequences of eating poorly and never exercising.  I am sure his doctor has told him to eat better and start exercising, the media has told him the same thing, and he can't be oblivious to the changes in his body.  But he is making the choice.  It's his body, and you have to respect that choice. 

I have the feeling you won't be happy with yourself unless you say something, though, which I totally understand.  I'd say my piece but then let it go.  Your dad's life is his to live, and if he values his lifestyle over more years on earth, that's his choice to make.  He's not ignorant and he's not stupid.  He's making a choice you wish he wouldn't make, but it's still his choice. 

jagore08

I know what you mean.  My mom is overweight too and she's a heavy smoker.  I've tried to talk to her about at least exercising (her quitting smoking is totally out of the question *sigh*) but she always has an excuse.  I've talked until I'm blue in the face.  Nothing ever works.  I would talk to your dad.  At least let him know your concerns.  Good luck.

stina93446

Come to think of it, I don't even KNOW how my dad really feels about it. I am sure he's unhappy though. When you see how small he's supposed to be, you just kinda know that he can't be happy. Sure, fries can make you happy while you're eating them, but overall, what do they do?

I will have to say something, but I am a little afraid of hurting his feelings. But seriously, WW is the easiest freakin' thing I've ever done in "dieting"....it shouldn't be called dieting because I'm still able to eat all kinds of normal things. 

DH and myself are tempted to give him a membership as a gift....too touchy? Classless? 

ohwhynot

Well, my fi is fat and several members of my family are fat, too.  I am sure that if anyone, even with the best intentions, gave them a gift membership to weight watchers they'd be very very hurt.  Before he decided to get back into shape, my fi KNEW he was fat, hated being fat, but hated even more when people bugged him about it.  He started when HE was ready.

I don't know if that helps or hurts you decide what to do, but a gift to WW seems like a big ouch, ya know? 

ETA:  When you do talk with your dad, maybe try to keep the focus on fitness & health rather than weight. 

Licia&Wayne

Okay, as a fat person (I freely admit to this because you can't see me to say, "Woah, she is really telling the truth") please, please, please don't get him a membership, unless you know 100% he'll react with a, "Oh thank you so much, I've really been wanting to try this!"

You're totally right stina, I've done WW and it is easy as pie and works. So maybe that's the approach you need to take. Just let him know how easy and awesome it is, and how good it makes you feel. The proof is in the pudding. Maybe when his family starts looking and feeling healthier, he'll want to join in.

I think it's okay to express worry over someone's health, and that's what I would approach with him. If someone in my family said to me, "I'm really worried about your health and the way you eat because I'm afraid it may kill you," I would listen. But I certainly would not respond well to a, "Hey fattie! We think you're fat and how do we tell you? By getting you a membership to WW!" moment. It's just not how I would want someone to express worry over my health.

stina93446

I figured the WW membership was too harsh. My dad is very quiet, so you never know how he's going to react. 

I feel like the only thing we can every talk about is computers. 

CA2MT4EveR

Agree with PP in voicing your concerns.  Tell him you would like him to be around for him to not only see his grandchildren, but to play with them and to see them grow up.  Maybe you can do some research and find some recipes online that are similar to foods he likes, but that are healthy for him.  You can print things out and put them in a binder and mail them to him and your mom. 

CA2MT4EveR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_nwpr-weight-loss-not-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:df82be05-d970-496c-9950-03807b70cf0fPost:414f215d-f48d-4cad-af5e-4b73f7948bd3">Re: NWPR: weight loss not for family?</a>:
[QUOTE]I figured the WW membership was too harsh. My dad is very quiet, so you never know how he's going to react.  I feel like the only thing we can every talk about is computers. 
Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE]

Is there a website or does WW have a website you can introduce to him that can make this transition easier for him?  I get "Cooking Light" and "Self" magazines, but is there something geared more towards men?

stina93446

I don't know how much they cook anymore. Now that they have an empty nest, you know? My mom doesn't cook often and when she does, they are recipes that "can't be tampered with." 

My dad could seriously just tweak stuff here and there and it would make a big difference. He makes bisquick pancakes every weekend and he puts a pat of butter between each slice. It tastes delicious, but after looking at the points (this is not including syrup either) it's practically all my points for the entire day. If he changed it up and got rid of the butter, and switched to sugar free syrup and did a different pancake mix, it would make a huge difference. We did this THIS weekend and it was delicious.

stina93446

WW has an online program, although the meetings are proven to be the most successful. I checked his area and there is a meeting every week, so if he DID want to join, it's accessible.

emilyinchile

Ok, then I would probably just have an honest conversation with him and say that now that you're doing WW, you've been thinking a lot about health and that you're worried about him. It may not be his favorite conversation, but I would hope that even if he's a bit hurt in the moment, after the fact he would understand your motivation and realize that you were doing it out of love.

megk8oz

I'm with the others, I don't think that "surprising" him with the WW membership is the best way to go. I know you said your mom is pretty healthy, but is it something she's willing to try for herself? I mean, I know she doesn't want to nudge him, but maybe if it's something they'd be doing together as a team maybe she might feel better about it.

Also, how do your sisters feel about this? Maybe instead of just your dad, the 3 of you could sit down with both of your parents and explain how much you want both of them to be around to enjoy future babies and things like that, and you "just want to be sure" that they're both taking proper care of themselves? 

swim1011

Has your mom ever talked to him about it?  My dad is morbidly obese (for that matter, so is my mom), and he has a serious weight problem.  Part of his problem is that he's on a drug that reduces his triglycerides, so he thinks that bc they're at a normal level now (never mind he has diabetes, type 2), he's fine.  Mom says she's tried to talk to him about it, but that he just won't do anything. 

I want to talk to him about it as well, but I know it won't help if he doesn't want to change.  Mom found out she had diabetes long before him, and bc of a terminal illness, she's pretty incapable of shopping.  So, he buys all the groceries.  I woke up at their house sunday morning and found the grocery store bakery stuff sitting at my place on the table.  It wasn't on accident, either.  He knows I'm losing weight, and he knows mom has diabetes.. but he doesn't want to change.  If your dad wants it, he'll do it. 

Which brings me back to, has your mom ever asked him if he's willing to eat healthier?  He may not realize others want to support him, if he's willing to try.

stina93446

I think my mom has talked to him about it a few times. I remember I was really sad for my dad because she had told him "My reunion is coming up and unless you lose weight, I'm not taking you." A bit harsh, right? I don't know what ever came of that. It might be this year....and I know that he hasn't lost any. I think he's obese.

My mom probably thinks she doesn't need it, but the way I see it, it's a group effort. he may need someone helping him, or eating the meals with him. 

This convo does NOT sound like fun. He has to know that it's not fun for me either, right? That I'm doing it because I care about him...

Licia&Wayne

No one can fault you for caring about your dad, especially not your dad. I'm sure he'll understand how difficult it is for you to think about your dad in terms of mortality. As long as you're presenting it as, "I'm afraid for your health and your life," I think you'll be fine. Who can be upset about someone caring about them?

jenn.daniel

What's his family history like?  My dad used to be overweight and smoked (he still drinks), but about 10 years ago hbe kicked himself into gear when he realized he was older than his dad has been when he got really sick.  Maybe if you talk about it more in terms of "I know grandpa had problems with this and I don't want you to have to go through that too."

Maybe the next time you're there yo could make them a healthy dinner you think he'll love.  If he doesn't want to change what he already eats, it could be easier to introduce completely new meals.

stina93446

The whole family has a history of blimping up. Meaning that they were all thin when they were younger and now everyone's overweight. This is one of the reasons why I went on WW. I wanted to nip it in the butt.

Even my grandma has mentioned to him that he has a big belly. You would think that after your wife and family has said "you're getting big" he would get it. I really hate that I need to do this, but I seriously get annoyed when my mom won't just go on a diet with him or encourage him more. Rather than threatening him...

Licia&Wayne

Yeah, stina, I would be ticked, too. This conversation isn't going to be a fun one, but will be worth it. I think he'll be glad that you cared enough to say you are concerned for his health.

SarahPLiz

I'm late on this, but I think the whole health thing is the best way to go about this. My mom and step-dad are overweight, but so am I. My mom diets and works out and so does my step-dad, but the weight stays on her. He has lost 20lbs.

I work out a LOT and stay active and try to eat healthy and I am still 40lbs overweight. Its just they way I am.

My point is that it can't be about losing weight. It has to be about adopting a healthier lifestyle that will help prevent or manage health problems, and will prolong his life, because you need him in your life for a long, long time.

xoxob

I just read all of this.

I totally understand that you're worried and I think that if you talk to him about it and approach it from the health prespective that is going to be the best option. I'm sorry. It's awful to worry about someone and not have the power to help.

stina93446

Thanks everyone, it's a tough call....ok, deleting.