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Bridesmaid issue

I have a good friend who really wants to be in my wedding.  I keep dodging the question when she asks what plans we have made. (We just got engaged) The thing is we are keeping it small, just a maid of honor and best man.  I don't know how to tell her that she is not in the wedding.  I know she is going to be EXTREMELY upset. And no I don't want her to be the personal attendant either.  Suggestions?

Re: Bridesmaid issue

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    Tell her exactly what you said in your thread. Tell her the wedding is going to very intimate and small, only family and close friends. Tell her you and your FI will only be having one attendant each and you have someone else in mind.
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    Ditto Missy.  Are you only having one attendant because that's all you want, or because your FI only has 1 that he wants?  If it's all you want that is totally fine, but if it's because your FI only has 1 then you can definitely have her as well and just have 2 on your side. 
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    Ditto. If you explain that you're keeping things small, she should have the good grace to understand. If you just got engaged, then tell her that you're waiting for a few months to make WP decisions and that right now you're just enjoying being engaged. 
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-issue-6?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:dfde58d5-359c-43c9-8ae9-0ee2c6a357b2Post:205aa6d9-7172-4ac6-bb4b-302f447eca2c">Bridesmaid issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have a good friend who really wants to be in my wedding.  I keep dodging the question when she asks what plans we have made. (We just got engaged) The thing is <strong>we are keeping it small, just a maid of honor and best man</strong>.  I don't know how to tell her that she is not in the wedding.  I know she is going to be EXTREMELY upset. And no I don't want her to be the personal attendant either.  Suggestions?
    Posted by Ding24[/QUOTE]
    Say that.  If she gets upset, that's not anything you need to feel bad about.  "We've decided to keep it small and have just a MOH and BM, but we can't wait to see you at the wedding!"  Don't engage her if she gets upset; either end the conversation or change the subject.  She might be upset for a bit, but she'll get over it (and if she doesn't she's got bigger issues than you or I can handle).  There's nothing for you to feel guilty about, and it's wrong of her to pressure you like this.  
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    lalap69lalap69 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2010
    I wouldn't say anything unless she asks, at which point you can say "we've decided to keep it really small, so I'm just having Amy as my MOH."  She should understand.
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    Ditto the other ladies, plus please don't appoint someone to be a brideslave, if that's what you mean by 'personal attendant.'



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    If she's a really good friend of yours, could you include her in some other way so that she still feels like she's helping out?  If you're having a mass, ask her to be a reader or maybe she can assist with your bridal shower if she's into that sort of thing....

    Just a suggestion and that way no one's feelings are hurt

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