Should we drop a GM's?!

FallFabulous

I am an only child, but grew up very close to one of my cousins, that I really wanted to be part of the wedding. So I asked my fiancé if he would mind having my cousin as a GM, despite the fact that they do not know each other very well, and in exchange, I would ask his sister to be a BM (whom I didn’t want as a BM to begin with).


Now, we are less than 4 months away from the wedding. My cousin has shown no interest in the wedding. When my fiancé asked him to be a GM, my cousin secretly told me that he had only accepted for me. He lives 2 hours away, and used that as an excuse not to come to the engagement party, and might be missing out on the bachelor party as well. He says he will be here for the wedding, despite having missed out on everything else, but has gone as far as to saying that for him to be here for the rehearsal, the wedding, and the brunch, that this will cost him 3 days of salary + all the added expenses.

I am completely hurt that he has shown no interest in the wedding, and has actually had the audacity to tell me how much money he will loose from the time off he will be taking to come down for the wedding (NB: we have attendants coming from out of province and Europe to be in our wedding party and have not complained once!). We are reconsidering having him as a GM all together. Am I overreacting and how should I be addressing this situation ?!  

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-drop-gms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e17a57f3-eb8c-4d61-8ca1-a23ceba918cdPost:5b8b7a87-d81d-444a-a883-1f3d31fa8995">Should we drop a GM's?!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am an only child, but grew up very close to one of my cousins, that I really wanted to be part of the wedding. So I asked my fiancé if he would mind having my cousin as a GM, despite the fact that they do not know each other very well, and in exchange, I would ask his sister to be a BM (whom I didn’t want as a BM to begin with). Now, we are less than 4 months away from the wedding. My cousin has shown no interest in the wedding. When my fiancé asked him to be a GM, my cousin secretly told me that he had only accepted for me. He lives 2 hours away, and used that as an excuse not to come to the engagement party, and might be missing out on the bachelor party as well. He says he will be here for the wedding, despite having missed out on everything else, but has gone as far as to saying that for him to be here for the rehearsal, the wedding, and the brunch, that this will cost him 3 days of salary + all the added expenses. I am completely hurt that he has shown no interest in the wedding, and has actually had the audacity to tell me how much money he will loose from the time off he will be taking to come down for the wedding (NB: we have attendants coming from out of province and Europe to be in our wedding party and have not complained once!). We are reconsidering having him as a GM all together. Am I overreacting and how should I be addressing this situation ?!  
Posted by FallFabulous[/QUOTE]


Yes, you're overreacting.

Please print this out and hang it on your mirror:  "NO ONE WILL BE AS EXCITED ABOUT MY WEDDING AS I AM."  Then learn to live it.  Because it's true.

You made a couple of mistakes here:  you pushed your cousin onto your FIs WP.  He doesn't know your FI.  Of course, he's uncomfortable about attending the bachelor party.  It's NOT his friend.

You're upset because your cousin said he's losing several day's pay in addition to the expenses he'll have to be in your wedding?  It's true.  He didn't lie to you.  That would be an issue.  You may not have liked what he said, but it's the truth.

Just because the others in the WP haven't said something, doesn't mean they're not thinking it.  See the post below:  things you've lied to the bride about.

Your cousin is NOT obligated to show up for any pre-wedding parties.  His obligation is the same as your WP:  Show up on wedding day.  Stand respectfully during the ceremony.  Smile for the pictures.  As long as he does that, he's filled his responsibilities as a member of the WP.

You can't kick someone out because he's not ZOMG!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!11 about your wedding.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-drop-gms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e17a57f3-eb8c-4d61-8ca1-a23ceba918cdPost:5b8b7a87-d81d-444a-a883-1f3d31fa8995">Should we drop a GM's?!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am an only child, but grew up very close to one of my cousins, that I really wanted to be part of the wedding. So I asked my fiancé if he would mind having my cousin as a GM, despite the fact that they do not know each other very well, and in exchange, I would ask his sister to be a BM (whom I didn’t want as a BM to begin with). Now, we are less than 4 months away from the wedding. My cousin has shown no interest in the wedding. When my fiancé asked him to be a GM, my cousin secretly told me that he had only accepted for me. He lives 2 hours away, and used that as an excuse not to come to the engagement party, and might be missing out on the bachelor party as well. He says he will be here for the wedding, despite having missed out on everything else, but has gone as far as to saying that for him to be here for the rehearsal, the wedding, and the brunch, that this will cost him 3 days of salary + all the added expenses. I am completely hurt that he has shown no interest in the wedding, and has actually had the audacity to tell me how much money he will loose from the time off he will be taking to come down for the wedding (NB: we have attendants coming from out of province and Europe to be in our wedding party and have not complained once!). We are reconsidering having him as a GM all together. Am I overreacting and how should I be addressing this situation ?!  
Posted by FallFabulous[/QUOTE]
He doesn't have to show any interest in your wedding.  If he supports your marriage, that's what's important.  And I don't think it's "audacity" to inform you how much your wedding is costing him.  It can cost a lot of money to be in a wedding, and that can be a real hardship for some people.  Just because your other friends aren't complaining doesn't mean they're happy about shelling out for it, they're just quieter.  I've traveled for several weddings, and while I was thrilled to get to see my loved ones get married, I was less than happy about how much money it cost.  People are complex and capable of multiple emotions at once.

You're overreacting.  No one will ever care about your wedding as much as you (except for hopefully your FI.)  Kick him out and he'll rightfully never speak to you again, and everyone who catches wind of the situation will think you're a BSC bridezilla.

Also, the sticky post at the top that says "Read this first" would have been a good thing to read first.

bablingbrooke

If every GM who showed no interest in a wedding 4 months before the big day deserved to be thrown out...no one would have any GM.  This is normal.  Leave it.  You aren't owed months of adoration and attention.  Sorry.

mbcdefg

He's going to be going to your wedding, right?

So how has he "shown no interest" in your wedding? Pre-wedding parties are not the wedding. The WEDDING is the wedding.

Yes, you're completely overreacting, and it would be a scummy move to kick him out just because he's not bestowing enough attention on you and your FI. It's also scummy to kick him out because he's got the "audacity" to mention that he's losing three days' pay by going to all this non-wedding stuff for you ... do you really expect him to lose three days' pay and smile and do whatever you want him to? If that's the case, then I certainly hope you're writing him a check for three days' pay. Otherwise, accept that your wedding isn't the most important event in other people's lives, sweetie.

duckie1905

There is no situation to address.  He doesn't have to be involved in anything.  His responsibility is to show up to the wedding in the requested attire.  That's it.  He doesn't have to attend pre-wedding parties and since you basically forced him into the situation of being a GM for a man he doesn't know that well I'm not surprised he is uncomfortable with participating.

You need to let it go.  Kicking him out will only harm your relationship with him and probably family members that he is close with, too.  He hasn't done anything wrong simply because he's not all "ZOMG YOUR GETTING MWARRIED."

loop0406

It wasn't fair for your fiance to make him a GM if he's not even close to him.  If your cousin says he will attend the wedding, ignore his petty remarks and just see him at the wedding.

banana468

I think you have to give your cousin credit for being honest.  This wedding IS going to cost him a lot of money and he's being truthful.  Perhaps that's also his way of letting you know why pre-wedding stuff just isn't in the budget either.

And to answer PPs, you'd be BEYOND out of line to ask him to not be in the wedding.  What I would have done though I asked him to be on your side - not the side of a relative stranger.

Whippet8

you're upset that a GUY isnt excited about a wedding? I'm pretty sure that my two BILs weren't "OMG SO SUPER PUMPED FOR YOUR PRETTY DAY MELKO!" about my wedding, but they were still happy for us and showed up.

As for the complaining about the money involved. I totally get it. A whole weekend away when you could be making money is hard for some people. It also makes sense if he can't afford any pre-wedding stuff.

DO NOT unask him from the wedding. He's already doing this FOR YOU. It would be a huge slap in the face and beyond rude if you told him he was no longer good enough.

jenn.daniel

You address the situation by telling him that he's under no obligation to attend the rehearsal or brunch so he doesn't have to miss as much work.  What's important is the wedding, not all the other stuff. 

Why would he want to go to the bach party anyway, since you're the one he's close with and hardly knows the groom at all?