Flower Girl/Ring Bearer Question

lindsaymari

Okay...for my flower girl and ring bearer, I am thinking of asking permission of the mother of two children I used to babysit who are brother and sister.  There are 6 and 8 years old, which I realize is on the upper end of the age range, but I am okay with it.  My concern is that there is an older brother (11) who I feel is too old to be included, and a baby sister (2) who is too young.  Is it bad if I just ask the middle two children?  I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I also don't want to include the older and baby siblings just out of obligation...advice please?!

trix1223

Frankly, I'd just skip having an RB or FG at all.  There's no real need to have any and they really only exist for the "cute factor".  And they'll be cute whether they're RB or FG anyway. 

Invite them as guests, and then there isn't any issue at all.  And you cut down on your WP expenses:  no need for gifts for the kids, no need to include them and their parents (and possibly the two siblings) at the RD,  no need for flowers for FG and **something** for RB to carry down, and the biggest:  no drama or hurt feelings.

Problem is easily solved by not having children in the WP.

lindsaymari

Okay but my point is that I'd like to have a RB and FG...so would it be better to just find a couple of other kids than try to use 1/2 of the kids in this family?

filaw

The 2 year old sounds too young to notice, understand or remember.  I have no idea how the 11 year old boy will feel.

When I was 9 my little sister (5 at the time) was asked to be a flower girl in a cousin's wedding and I wasn't involved.  I was really upset, but then I was a little girl that had always really wanted to be a flower girl in anyones wedding.  On the other hand, my little sister had no interest at all and freaked out and refused to go down the aisle.

So my point is, it depends on the kid.  If you think the 11 year old boy is the type to want to be involved, then I'd get creative and find something for him to do too.  But, not knowing the kid, I would be surprised if you average 11 year old boy would desperately want to be involved at a wedding.  For instance, two of our WP are married and have an 11 year old son who was bored out of his mind at our wedding and wanted nothing to do with it.  

suz62984

11 is only too old if the kid says "no, that's a baby's job"

I would ask the two middle children and the 11yr old if they would like to be in the wedding. I would leave out the 2 yr old. Believe me...the parents will understand that.

bablingbrooke

Keep in mind that it isn't a role to be filled.  If you want the KIDS themselves in the wedding, go for it.  If you just want kids at ALL in the wedding, reconsider.  They can be a bit of a hassle to coordinate.  Just some food for thought.

You aren't under any obligation to ask the other kids.  The 11 year old is old enough to understand that you can't be included in everything, and the 2 year old doesn't know enough to feel offended.  I was a FG three times between ages 4 and 7, and my sister (who was ages 1-4) attended as a guest and never felt left out.  Come to think of it, I think she slept through two of them!

aerinpegadrak

Ditto Brooke.  If you're close to the kids (like you see them for birthdays and holidays and such) and couldn't imagine getting married without having them up there, ask them.  If you're not really that close to them anymore and are just having them up there for the cuteness quotient, don't.  It's just awkward for everyone all around.  I mean, you might as well post an ad on Craigslist looking for child actors to fill the parts, know what I mean?  It seems like more weddings than not these days skip the child attendants altogether.

Beachy730

I think you would be fine to ask just the 2 kids.  My RB was my Godson, and he has an older brother that wasn't involved.  He asked what he got to do at the wedding and his dad chimed in and said "you get to sit with me and wave to your brother so he knows where to walk."  Mind you, he was only 5 so he was perfectly happy with that job.  But you don't need to assign everyone a job, and 11 is definitely old enough to understand.  The 2 year old doesn't need to be involved at all.

If you really want to get the 11 year old involved, thats a good age to hand our programs.  My 11 year old twin cousins did it and loved it.

missymr

I am with the others on this.
I'd only include kids if they are special to you.
If my fiance didn't have two nieces who are good ages for flower grls I wouldn't have them at all.

My fiance also has a 10-year-old nephew and we are still stuck on how to include him. he's too old to be a ring bearer. And his father isn't in the wedding party mainly because he is a pain in the you know where and drives my fiance around the bend.
But we love his son and we'd like to include him. I just don't know how yet.

mbcdefg

I think it sounds silly to pick random kids just for the sake of filling slots, just because you want random cute kids in your wedding.

If you are especially close to two kids and not their sibling, that's a different story. But it seems like you are only asking them because of their ages, which is wrong.

It should be a matter of, "I want Johnny and Susie in the wedding, so let's find appropriate roles for them." Not, "I want X and Y roles filled, so let's find two kids to fill those roles."

artbyallie

I would ask the 11 year old if he would like to be an usher. It'd be cute and make him feel important.