Exes in wedding party?

SweetAngel1225

I'm recently engaged and picking my wedding party. My problem is that one of my exes who loves my fiance, happens to be one of my best friends. Because of our history together, I have not asked him to be a part of my wedding party but I have included some other of my male friends to be on my side. I feel terrible considering he is my best friend, yet I feel like it would be unfair for my fiance to include him. He is helping me plan, plus arriving early to be a part of the "unofficial wedding party." I have not had a conversation about this with him, is there anything that I can do? 

bablingbrooke

How would it be unfair to your FI?  You're marrying him, not your ex.  Is this all conjecture on your part, or has your FI actually said that he doesn't want him in the WP?  

filaw

My opinion, start by talking with your FI.  Let him know you would really like to ask this person, but that you want to make sure he feels comfortable and and happy with the situation.  You may find a conversation where you reassure him that he comes first, is all your FI needs to set his mind at ease.

If your FI does express discomfort with it, then, my opinion, I wouldn't include him in the WP.  But give your FI a chance to think about it.

lalap69

Talk to your FI.  If he's okay with you being best friends with your ex, he'll probably be okay with him being in the WP too.

Beachy730

Ditto PPs.  Are you just assuming your ex would be uncomfortable by it?  I think its really weird if your FI is okay with him being your BF, but wouldn't be okay with him being in your WP. 

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_exes-wedding-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e4038e87-478e-4c5f-961b-d95a26167575Post:534c2cb3-7e5a-4a67-ac8e-d70eda06c48a">Re: Exes in wedding party?</a>:
[QUOTE]Talk to your FI.  If he's okay with you being best friends with your ex, he'll probably be okay with him being in the WP too.
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]


This.

If he wasn't O.K. with you hanging out with this dude, I would imagine that he would've brought it up by now. Him being your Bridesman/whatever would only last for one day, but he'll ideally be your best friend for a lifetime ... if anything, I'd think that if he was jealous it'd be over him being your best friend, not your wedding attendant.

saxy414

I'm pretty much ditto-ing all the PP's.  I actually considered asking one of my exes to be on my side, as well.  I talked to my FI about it, and he was all for it, but ultimately I decided I wasn't going to.  I wouldn't consider it unfair to your fiance unless you were planning on switching him out for the groom at the altar, or if your fiance has plainly expressed he has some kind of issue with this guy because of the ex situation. 

FWIW, one of my other exes will stand with my FI, and one of FI's exes is standing on my side.  We're all adults, and have long moved past those histories with them.  We were just all kinds of mixed up in high school.