Maid

joberhart1

My fiance and I

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honorbest-man-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e53f4188-1587-4a70-a474-7a2a934a8e74Post:06a7dd0e-6d23-47ac-81b1-8a7ec2974fc3">Maid of honor/Best man change?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are stuck in a rut.. we have already asked our MOH and BM to well be the MOH and BM...my fiance is not as close to his friend as he thought and would rather have his other friend be the BM, of course he still wants the BM to be an attendant though. I had asked one of his sisters to be my MOH..reason being that we live with her, and <strong>she's helping make things for the wedding I felt I had to have her be a more "important" person</strong>... I know I hurt my best friend though and I really regret not asking her, I want her to be my MOH instead of his sister.. but I feel that it will hurt his sisters feeling "demoting" her to bridesmaid...........I really don't know what to do.. are we stuck with this or is there a way we can do a switch in our bridal party? All 4 of the people are in it.. we want to make 2 diff. ppl the MOH and BM... <strong>Any thoughts appreciated, just please no 'you should have thought, ect.' thank you</strong>.
Posted by joberhart1[/QUOTE]


You can't dictate how people respond to your posts. 

The first issue is that you asked someone to be your MOH based on what they could/would do for you for your wedding.  But thats over and done with.

To answer your question, there is no way of demoting someone with hurt feelings.  And its just downright rude.  Simple solution, make both girls maids of honor, and both guys best men.  Are either girls married?  Then the married one would be the matron of honor, and the single one would be maid of honor. 

aerinpegadrak

Unless they have:

1) Tried to/succeeded in sleeping with one of you
2) Done something that would necessitate police involvement

Then changing the lineup and shuffling titles just makes you and your FI look like the biggest tools in the world.  Sorry, your reasons for selecting them weren't terribly good, but you've made your decision and now you have to live with it like grown-ups.

And trying to dictate how people respond is definitely going to make everyone respond more harshly than if you had just left that part out.

frogurt814

You cannot "demote" your friends.  It's over and done with.  Just leave it alone.

It's really not a big deal.

mbcdefg

What would this accomplish?

It's going to make the original BM and MOH feel like garbage to be demoted. I wouldn't blame them if they told you guys to screw off and didn't want to speak to you anymore.

It's going to make the new BM and MOH feel awkward for taking someone else's "job." Plus it's probably going to make them think, "Geez, if Bride and Groom are displeased with ME somewhere down the line, will I get replaced as well?"

It's probably going to make the rest of the bridal party feel super-awkward about this.

It's going to make people think, "Just how seriously do Bride and Groom take themselves that they're switching around one-day, essentially meaningless positions in their precious wedding?"

Basically, the only thing it's going to accomplish will be to make you and your FI think for a few hours out of one day of your life, "Yay, we switched around roles to award them to the more deserving people," meanwhile everyone else around you is going to feel like crap and maybe feel angry at you, and it'll likely destroy your friendships after your wedding day because of it.

So, no, I don't see a point to changing the roles around and making your friends and family feel like crap because of it.

marinabreeze

I agree with PPs, just leave it alone or promote the friends you would've liked to be MOH and BM, but don't demote your current MOH and BM.  No backsies.  You've made your decision, so be adults and do the responsible thing.   It comes off as kind of a douche move and it will hurt your relationships with all four of these people.