What should I do?

TheFutureMrsHurd

So I had a hard time picking my MOH and decided on my friend I have known since I was basically born and a friend I met in high school and have been best friends instantly and like sisters. There was also another friend who I have been friends with for 13 years and we were best friends then we drifted apart some because we went to different high schools but then have got back into being best friends. She was my other choice for MOH and I keep feeling awful I didn't pick her. She is even doing more than my other two MOH's are. She is already talking about ideas for the bachelorette party and what we can do for the wedding and is just trying to help with whatever she can. I know she understands about the MOH I have known forever but she doesn't really know the other one is a MOH as well. I really hate picking between friends on who is better or more important to me by having some as MOH's. I want to have her as one too or show her somehow different from the other MOH's. Does anyone have any advice on what to do? I mean I don't know if I should have 3 MOH's that would probably be silly, I already have 2 but I want her to feel more special. I am not sure how I could make her different from the other BM without making her a MOH and I don't want to hurt her feelings knowing that there are 2 and one is not her. 

mkrupar

Just leave her as a bridesmaid. Adding another MOH position will only take away from the honor of the other two being MsOH. Your bridal party does not have to help you plan anything, so don't be conerned that your MsOH are not as involved as this BM. It's great that she wants to help and is already thinking of things for your Bach, but don't get upset if the other two don't. Don't demote them, don't promote her. If you want to do something special for her for helping so much then get her an extra gift or treat her to lunch. Make sure she knows how much you appreciate all that she's doing for you, because really she doesn't have to. It'll be strange to have a program that lists 3 MsOH and one BM. Just leave it at two and two and call it a day. They're just titles. They all understand how important they are to you.

mbcdefg

MOH is a title for your closest friend(s), not a reward for the best wedding helper.

If you feel she's been especially helpful, privately send her a nice note or a small gift. Or take her out for dinner or drinks as a thank you.

TheFutureMrsHurd

I actually have 2 MOH and 4 BM so it wouldn't leave one BM. I am not saying to demote the others either or that one is better because she is helping I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I would make her a MOH because she was a great friend not for helping. I didn't say the others had to help either I was just wondering how to make the other feel special as well. It is not like I am mad at the MOHs for not doing as much.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_should-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e6e39afb-cbde-41f7-aee3-02bf30ece93aPost:774e09f2-3595-4a33-8b20-98d76cd4b443">What should I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I had a hard time picking my MOH and decided on my friend I have known since I was basically born and a friend I met in high school and have been best friends instantly and like sisters. There was also another friend who I have been friends with for 13 years and we were best friends then we drifted apart some because we went to different high schools but then have got back into being best friends. She was my other choice for MOH and I keep feeling awful I didn't pick her. <strong>She is even doing more than my other two MOH's are. She is already talking about ideas for the bachelorette party and what we can do for the wedding and is just trying to help with whatever she can</strong>. I know she understands about the MOH I have known forever but she doesn't really know the other one is a MOH as well. I really hate picking between friends on who is better or more important to me by having some as MOH's. I want to have her as one too or show her somehow different from the other MOH's. Does anyone have any advice on what to do? I mean I don't know if I should have 3 MOH's that would probably be silly, I already have 2 but I want her to feel more special. I am not sure how I could make her different from the other BM without making her a MOH and I don't want to hurt her feelings knowing that there are 2 and one is not her. 
Posted by TheFutureMrsHurd[/QUOTE]

A lovely hand-written TY thank you letter, and asking her out to dinner after the wedding will be great.  Your f/u post says it's not about her helping and planning, but your first post, especially the bolded part says otherwise.

From my POV, having multiple MsOH kind of dilutes the "honor" thing.

banana468

I'm going to echo PPs.  If you change the WP late in the game and promote someone else, it can be offensive to those who are already in the WP.  Just leave it as it is and treat that BM to something special post wedding.

I think if you have more than two MsOH or BM it does get diluted.  DH was  co-BM last year in BIL's wedding.  BIL and SIL chose their best friend and same sex sibling to be their MsOH and BM which I thought was great.  Then there were several BM and GM to add to it.  If there were three up there I think it would have been overkill.

bablingbrooke

Playing musical chairs with the WP is a recipe for drama.  If non-MsOH have been super-helpful, do something real to show your appreciation: Take them out to dinner, write them a heartfelt note, get them a gift.  But don't take away a title from one girl and give it to another.  It reminds me of elementary school when you punished and rewarded people with the title of best friend.