What would you want your MOH to do?

8daysaweek

This might not be the right board the right board but I don't know where else to ask.

My best friend got engaged this week! I couldn't be more thrilled for her and am so excited for the wedding. She asked me to be MOH and I'm really excited to stand up for her on her wedding day and be a kick-ass MOH.

The problem is that we already know when we plan to TTC our second child and if everything goes well, I would be very pregnant on her wedding. With DD, I ended up on bedrest due to pre-e in my 3rd trimester.

Obviously there is every chance we would delay our plans or wouldn't get pregnant quickly so it might not even be a problem. But I'm not sure if I should tell her now so she'll be aware or if I should wait until we are actually pregnant. I know she'll be thrilled for us when we are expecting again but I also know it's disappointing for some brides when a pregnancy interrupts their wedding plans and i don't want her stressing about whether the MOH will make it to the wedding either. I also don't really want to change our plans for our family for a wedding, as much as I would love to stand up for her.

What would you want your MOH to do?

gottahavashorti

I don't think that a true friend would care whether the MOH is pregnant and may end up not being able to make it to the wedding due to the pregnancy - she should be understanding of the situation, concerned about your health/the baby's health, and excited about the new baby.  If your friend gets upset with you over it (not disappointed, but actually upset) then she's not really your friend.

That said, if you plan to share with your close family and friends that you are TTC, just let her know that.  She can do the math and it's very well possible that it could take a few months to get pregnant.

If you and the other BMs are planning on holding events like a bachelorette or shower and you will be in your third trimester, you could always hold them 2-3 months before the wedding if you're not okay with skipping them.  I can't imagine a pregnant MOH on bedrest would be a huge issue for the wedding, though. 

mbcdefg

Oh yeah, and ditto Brooke ... I wouldn't expect my friend to tell me about her pregnancy early, if she would've otherwise kept mum until she hit the second trimester to be sure it'd "stick."

I can't imagine saying to someone, "Well, you need to make an exception to that rule because I'm getting married and I need to know as far in advance as possible." Ick.

If she wasn't engaged and you'd tell her you're TTC anyway, go ahead and clue her in. If you'd normally keep it to yourself until everything was pretty "set," then you're under no obligation to tell her. If she reacts with anything less than delight then she's a pretty shiitty friend.

aerinpegadrak

I don't think your uterus is any more her business just because she's planning a wedding.  Leave the wedding out of the equation and tell her what you would tell her under any other circumstances.

8daysaweek

I would definitely tell her we're trying when we start even if it weren't for the wedding so I think that's what we'll do. Thanks for the advice!

stina93446

Her wedding and your TTC are two unrelated things.

banana468

The wedding and TTC are two separate things.  But if you'd tell her and she wasn't engaged, I see no reason not to tell her now.  Just be honest with her OR don't tell her until you know something is official.