Trying a fresh start and post here.
My sister is my MOH. She asked me if she could be my MOH when I got engaged (we were barely speaking then)- and she agreed to the only thing I wanted- be in my life and you can be the MOH. I want someone I trust and I know I can rely on-
not for wedding stuff but for life- for normal best friends/sister stuff. I told her I don't expect her to help with the wedding much because it's not her thing, she's kind of flakey and doesn't really even believe in marriage. She was a lot better about being in my life more (actually answering my calls and texts, hanging out, etc.)- for a while... and now for the last 6+ months she's been MIA again. She's leaving soon for a year to go to a remote region of South America with no electricity or internet, and will not be around at all, which I'm fine with. I'm proud that she's adventurous and is exploring, but I still feel lousy that she's been so absent and apathetic towards me and the wedding.
I don't need her to do anything but be supportive- I'm not asking for money, parties to be arranged, thrown or attended, and I don't expect much from her except to be my sister and my friend. I feel like she's broken her end of the deal by being MIA. Most of why she's MIA is this terrible guy she's been dating on and off for the last 5 years- which is her decision and has created enough tension and problems in the family, and my relationship, to last a lifetime.
Regardless of the reasons why, she is a grown adult woman and can decide for herself how she spends her time, and that's what upsets me- that I don't get even a fraction. I feel like I'm at the bottom of her list- I don't expect to be at the top of it or even near there- but somewhere in the middle would be nice.
I don't want to remove her as MOH, but at the same time I feel like she doesn't want to be MOH and is just waiting for me to give her the pass to step down. I know it's like a cardinal rule to never demote anyone. So I'm thinking that I'm going to just talk to her and ask her what she's thinking, how she feels about it, and if she does still want to be MOH. This way the ball is in her court. She apparently told my dad that she feels too much pressure and would rather just be a bridesmaid (which makes no sense- I haven't said anything to her about anything except asking her to spend a day with me before she leaves- which she was supposed to do today, and ended up blowing me off for her guy).
My issue is not with him- I never have to see or interact with him- my issue is that I miss my sister and my best friend- and I feel like a MOH should be someone I am close with, I know I can rely on, someone I can call up, come over, and talk to about anything. I feel like I can't rely on her to even show up to our dinner/drink dates on time if at all (she usually blows me off last minute).
Any thoughts? I'm seeing her tonight so either way I have to broach the subject. I want to clear the air with her and let her know that while I would love for her to be the MOH, she doesn't have to be and that I'm going to leave it up to her. This way she can back out and feel okay about it if she wants, and either way she knows how I feel.