Variety of Bridesmaids (long, please bare with me)

bananapudding91

Okay, I've got a few issue for you lovely ladies to help resolve today.

#1
I've chosen 3 girls (possibly 4) to be bridesmaids at my wedding. My MOH is my closest friend, we do everything together, and she's also my FI's best friend. She's about 5' 10" and pretty fit, but you can still tell she's VERY tall (especially up against my tiny 5'5" 105lb frame).
Next in line is my life-long friend from elementary school, about 5'10", as well, slightly slimmer than the MOH.
Last in line is a close friend who is pretty much my personal psychiatrist; she's about 5'5" or so, but a very heavy girl with drastically different features from the other two.
I LOVE these girls, but the MOH and the last girl I mentioned don't really care for each other- only in my presence. I don't want to be rude by seeming to leave her out by choosing the dresses to fit the figures of the first 2. But, I've already chosen my dresses.





Do you think this will still flatter her figure? I'm trying to go with what my MOH and I like the most, and this is definitely what we both LOVE, but I don't want to make her wear a dress she won't look good in. I know the day's about me, but I still want her to feel comfortable rather than insecure, because I know she's pretty self conscious already.
My FI isn't the biggest fan of bridesmaid #3, either.

#2
Also, my FI is somewhat of a loner. He works on a ranch and does so by himself all day. So, he doesn't have the large social circle of friends that I do since I work in customer service, surrounded by people all day. His groomsmen will most likely consist of older men (40-50ish) and possibly his older brother (he's 21, at the moment).
Do you think it would be creepy if the men walked down the aisle with my young (18-19ish) bridesmaids? None of them really know each other (other than my dad, who is likely to be a groomsman as well as walk me down the aisle).

This is all pretty confusing. I'm sorry it's so long.

Thanks in advance for your help.

trix1223

First of all, I don't you well enough to bare anything with you.  But I will bear with you and your long post. 

You can completely solve your "problem" by giving your BM the color you want and letting them choose the dress in the style that they are most comfortable wearing.  It's becoming more and more common now for WP members to wear different dresses by the same designer and/or in the same color family, but suit each person's body type and preference.  And IMO, that's a great thing!

As for the GM and the BMs walking down the aisle together:  you are completely overthinking this.  No one, not one single guest will care about them walking down the aisle, and none will be thinking that they're a "couple" of any kind.  It's a 20 second walk down the aisle.  Let it go.

Good luck. 

bablingbrooke

I think it's wrong to pick the dress and then foist it on the BMs.  Could you pick 2 or 3 styles you like and then let them pick what's most flattering?  Or go shopping and find something that looks good on everyone?  Plus, bear in mind that the dress might look great on the DB model but horrible on any and all of your BMs--mine had that experience, and 3 of them are size 0s!  I also think the dress you picked out will not look good on 90% of girls who try it on, hence either pick a couple other styles or go shopping together.

It wouldn't be creepy for older men to walk with younger BMs--they're walking down the aisle, not each other's dates for the night.  If you want you can have the GM stand up at the front with your FI and the girls can walk in solo (that's what we did--not for the age disparity but b/c DH wanted his friends up there with him).

ead1975

Your bridesmaid is going to need to try it on, honestly.  As a not-so-thin  5'5 girl, I think I would die if you sent that to me and said I had to wear it.  It's entirely possible that it will be flattering on her - my wedding dress is strapless, and I never thought I'd pull it off - but she really won't know until she tries it on.  If she's uncomfortable with it, please don't make her wear just because the MOH loves it. Let each of your bridesmaids pick something in the same color, so they can all be comfortable. You don't want her scowling through your pictures, right?

It's unfortunate that your MOH doesn't care for your bridesmaids, but she can and should suck it up for one day. She doesn't have to be BFF with these girls, just act like a civilized adult. I was in a wedding with someone I absolutely cannot stand, and I was able to be pleasant to her.  It made my friend happy, so I was glad to do it. Sort of.

As for the groomsmen, I wouldn't find it creepy if they walked up the aisle together, but I would find it uber-creepy if you made them dance together.  (Actually, I kind of find bridal party dances creepy any way, so just skip it altogether regardless of who your fiance chooses.)

lilianne22

I agree with the PP's.  Perhaps just selecting a color and dress length for all will better ensure that all of your BM's are comfy and are wearing something figure flattering.  I think it's more important that they are all comfy and look nice instead of wearing a dress that may not flatter them just so they all match.

The GM's are not going to seem "creepy".  People know that the GM's and BM's walk together in the WP but might not know each other, no biggie.

aerinpegadrak

I just told my very varied bridesmaids to wear black.  Worked beautifully.  Just tell your girls to pick any DB dress in that color and watch your drama vanish.

Not remotely creepy.  It's just an escort down the aisle, unless you have some very strange plans for your wedding.

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_variety-of-bridesmaids-long-please-bare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e898e3b5-1357-4b24-9a00-ad34a1c8c543Post:887db10b-47cd-4be9-aa35-f787dd6b98b2">Variety of Bridesmaids (long, please bare with me)</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, I've got a few issue for you lovely ladies to help resolve today. :) #1 I've chosen 3 girls (possibly 4) to be bridesmaids at my wedding. My MOH is my closest friend, we do everything together, and she's also my FI's best friend. She's about 5' 10" and pretty fit, but you can still tell she's VERY tall (especially up against my tiny 5'5" 105lb frame). Next in line is my life-long friend from elementary school, about 5'10", as well, slightly slimmer than the MOH. Last in line is a close friend who is pretty much my personal psychiatrist; she's about 5'5" or so, but a very heavy girl with drastically different features from the other two. I LOVE these girls, but the MOH and the last girl I mentioned don't really care for each other- only in my presence. I don't want to be rude by seeming to leave her out by choosing the dresses to fit the figures of the first 2. But, I've already chosen my dresses. Do you think this will still flatter her figure? I'm trying to go with what my MOH and I like the most, and this is definitely what we both LOVE, but I don't want to make her wear a dress she won't look good in. I know the day's about me, but I still want her to feel comfortable rather than insecure, because I know she's pretty self conscious already. My FI isn't the biggest fan of bridesmaid #3, either. #2 Also, my FI is somewhat of a loner. He works on a ranch and does so by himself all day. So, he doesn't have the large social circle of friends that I do since I work in customer service, surrounded by people all day. His groomsmen will most likely consist of older men (40-50ish) and possibly his older brother (he's 21, at the moment). Do you think it would be creepy if the men walked down the aisle with my young (18-19ish) bridesmaids? None of them really know each other (other than my dad, who is likely to be a groomsman as well as walk me down the aisle). This is all pretty confusing. I'm sorry it's so long. Thanks in advance for your help. :)
Posted by bananapudding91[/QUOTE]

JIC

bananapudding91

First of all, I want to correct my own spelling mistake. BEAR, not bare. I couldn't decide which to use, and now that I know I misspelled it, it's quite embarrassing. :P

We're not making them dance together. Haha. I can't stand that.

I think we'll probably just get the men to stand up there, like brooke suggested. It'll solve that problem before it becomes one and calm the groom down considerably.

And, I know I want flow-y and loose dresses for my BMs. I don't like the assortment of dresses at David's Bridal, other than this one- which I LOVE. And, because I'm buying their dresses, I want it to be something I  like, as well as them. If they were buying, it wouldn't bother me as much and I'd let them choose their own dresses. But since I'm buying, they're getting them in my price range and they're compromising. Sorry if that sounds rude, I want them to love what they're in, but I'm not paying different amounts for each BM. I don't want to nor do I have the finances to do so.

Regardless, I'll drag them all out to finally actually pick them out in person. And we'll all agree on them.

And my MOH doesn't just dislike BM #3, the groom, the parents, and everyone else in the BP doesn't. That's the only reason I even said it. Because it is quite the problem.

Thanks.

Beachy730

Honestly, from your post it sounded more to me like you would rather have this dress than your 3rd BM, since you pointed out how many people don't like her, and how much you LOVE this dress.  it doesn't matter who likes her, as long as you do.  If your FI hates her, or has a legitimate reason for not liking her then you might want to reconsider since it is also his day, but if you've already asked her then it is too late.

As for how the dress looks on them, I honestly don't see that dress looking good on her, and maybe not the other ones either.  That dress looks flattering on the model, but looks like the material and stuff would only look good on someone with a body like that model.  Have your girls try on the dresses before you decide on anything.  Your best bet though is to just pick a color and let them pick their own dress.  And it is your day, but picking a dress for your BMs that makes them feel uncomfortable is rude and 'zilla-ish, so consult with all of them first.

Nobody will think anything of an older guy walking with a younger girl. 

emilykathleen511

I am telling my gals to choose any full-length dress from David's Bridal in the color lapis. They have all different body types, and I want each of them to feel comfortable and beautiful on the day (and I really think it will show in the pictures that they are all happy and not uncomfortable). I would REALLY urge you to do the same. Pick a designer, color, and length and let them each pick. You will not regret it.

About walking down the aisle: no, it doesn't matter their age differences. However, I agree with pp who said that bridal party dances ARE creepy, so if you were planning on having one, please, just skip it. It is super awkward for those dancing, and super awkward for the guests to watch. Just don't do it.

emilyinchile

Do they have to love the dresses? No, especially since you're paying. But do they have to feel comfortable in them? Yes, that's just you being fair to your friends.

Take them all shopping, and find something that all 4 of you can live with. It's not fair to make one person feel bad about how she looks in a particular outfit just because it's what everyone else likes best.

[Deleted User]

I considered that dress for my wedding dress, but in ice blue. I love the dress.

That's all I have. Listen to PPs, they are wise.

gottahavashorti

They don't have to love the dress, but it would be inconsiderate to choose a dress that you know brings out the flaws they're most self conscious of.  It will show.  Have them try on that dress and others that you're okay with but don't love if the first one doesn't work.

The MOH could have one dress and the BMs another if the dress doesn't work for all.

Check Alfred Angelo which sometimes has prices similar to David's, or consider ordering from Pearl's Place or RK bridal (legitimate discount retailers).

Since you want one dress for all, check things like JCrew and Ann Taylor sales for dresses.  Take your wedding party shopping and look at department stores, clothing stores at the mall, TJ Maxx, etc. for a dress that works reasonably well for all of them.

It's fine to want everyone in one dress, but in that case you really do need to keep an open mind and have them try things on rather than requiring that it must be X dress that may or may not look okay on any of your BMs.

bablingbrooke

I also want to add that I too thought I knew what dresses I wanted, then I went out with my friends and after a couple hours of trying things on they found a dress that not only looked fantastic on all of them, it was an entirely different color than what I thought I wanted.  In my head they all looked good in a short green dress, but in reality the long coral dresses looked even better.  I never would have come up with it on my own, but I loved them more than what I'd come up with.  So keep an open mind--you may be pleasantly surprised.  See below.

Viczaesar

That dress will look terrible on your 3rd bridesmaid.  It makes even the model look pregnant.

trix1223

Like brooke:  my DD had both her dress and the dress for her WP all picked out.  Until they tried them on.  My DD ended up getting a wedding dress completely different from what she had ever thought she'd buy.

And she went from a knee length halter style for the WP to a floor length strapless.  Her two SsIL went dress shopping with her, and the dress that they all thought would look great on was dreadful.  So as brooke said:  go with an open mind.  You might just be surprised!

mbcdefg

You can absolutely have the final say on their dresses, but it's proper to let them have some input on what you end up with. Even if you're paying. They are still the ones who need to wear it.

Pick out a few loose, flowy dresses in a color that you like, and have them try them on. Then see what looks nice on them, and if there's a tie then take a vote. If none of the dresses work, pick some others (maybe in slightly different styles or colors if necessary) and try again.

bananapudding91

I'd love to be able to take all of them with me, but we live VERY far from each other, so I don't know just how easy it would be to get the girls together to shop. Yes, ideally that is what I want. I'd LOVE to make them feel fabulous and beautiful in what they're in.
I don't want to make them all wear the same dress, I just don't want any of them to think I'm favoring any over the other by some getting more expensive dresses than the others (the only reason I'm partial to them wearing the same dresses; I love variety).
No, I would much rather have my bridesmaid over that dress! And I have not officially asked her, it's just rather unsaid that she'll be there; she's always there and I couldn't imagine it any other way.
And yes, there is very good reason for the wedding party to have ill feelings toward my 3rd bridesmaid. But, I have forgiven and forgotten, so I don't see a reason to NOT include her.

Thank you SO MUCH, girls for your suggestions. I'm not at all trying to be bridezilla. I want them to be happy. But my wallet can only make them so happy. I don't want anyone to feel left out or less loved on the big day.

bananapudding91

And as for the color, I won't budge. The girls are getting pale yellow. (:
Not to be difficult, they all already know I have strong sentimental reasons for my colors and will be more than fine with it.

Again, thanks SO MUCH for the opinions. Everyone has helped tremendously. I'll keep an open mind for sure. My MOH is actually the one so set on THAT dress. I was hoping to at the VERY least alter them a bit (add straps or something) to help accentuate the other two girls' figures better and give them more diversity.

gottahavashorti

If expense is the issue, you could find a few dresses in the same price range and let them each choose a dress.

kayakrunhike

Who is running this wedding, your MOH or you?  Money =/= how much you care about your friends, and it sounds like you already made up your mind, so why did you ask our opinions?  And no, that dress will more than likely not look good on BM #3, since you asked.

Ashes_3

I picked out 3 dresses b/c all my girls are different shapes/heights etc. 7 out of 8 went and tried on all 3 dresses. They chose the one they wanted *which ended up being my favorite!!*

trix1223

Why don't you consider how much you're willing to spend on each dress.  Then tell the bridesmaids that you'll be contributing $xxx toward their dress.  If they choose one in that price range, they incur no cost.  If it's over your price range, then they make up the difference? 

That way you're still paying what you planned to pay, and they're still choosing the dress they want.

lisalou402

Agreed with Trix...if I was forced to wear a dress i was really uncomfortable in, even if i had no money, I'd pay the difference, or the whole thing to be in a dress that I felt I looked good in.

Especially at David's Bridal, most of the dresses are within the same range...can't you say, "any dress between $99 and $129 is fine?"  are they really going to think you are playing favorites if you spend an extra $30 on one?

CTGirl30

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_variety-of-bridesmaids-long-please-bare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e898e3b5-1357-4b24-9a00-ad34a1c8c543Post:e1747ed6-ccc9-4ede-8701-07a02013524a">Re: Variety of Bridesmaids (long, please bare with me)</a>:
[QUOTE]Why don't you consider how much you're willing to spend on each dress.  Then tell the bridesmaids that you'll be contributing $xxx toward their dress.  If they choose one in that price range, they incur no cost.  If it's over your price range, then they make up the difference?  That way you're still paying what you planned to pay, and they're still choosing the dress they want.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

This is very good advice and I agree 100% with this.  DB has a wide variety of styles, so really - if your budget is $145 and you tell the girls to select any style in pale yellow they feel good in, then you'll pay $145 towards the dress. Anything over they can pitch in for it. Most BMs expect to pay for their dresses to begin with so your offer to cover that is very generous of you. 

<em><strong>I know the day's about me, but I still want her to feel comfortable rather than insecure, because I know she's pretty self conscious already.</strong>
</em>The day is not only about you. It's also about your FI - you know, the other person getting married that day? And also anyone you asked to be in your wedding or  invited to attend your wedding. Yes, the bride gets a ton of attention but it's not an excuse to treat others poorly or get an ego.

<em><strong>My FI isn't the biggest fan of bridesmaid #3, either.</strong>
</em>What on earth does this have to do with anything? This peice of information is completely irrelevant to your question about dress styles. You asked her because YOU liked her, no? And see your comment above - "I still want her to feel comfortable rather than insecure." So if that's true....consdier her feelings here when it comes to the dress style options.

And think about it - how would you feel if you were basically forced into a style of dress that may very well prove to be highly unflattering on your body type? Not good, right? You'd probably spend the day miserable and it will reflect in any wedding photos.  Since you aren't budging on color or price, but like variety - this is your best option for handling this situation and being a considerate friend to ALL of the bridesmaids who agreed to be in your wedding party.

Beachy730

Like a PP said, BM's assume they are paying for their own dress, so anything you pay towards it is a bonus.  You can set an amount and say I'll pay $100 towards whatever dress you pick, or any other amount.  Honestly, if I was in a wedding and they told me to pick whatever dress I wanted and the bride would pay for it (even if you said up to a certain amount) I would pick the dress I liked and that I was comfortable in.  I have a weird body shape, with a very small chest and extra junk in the trunk, plus what I love to call my soccer thighs, so I would definitely be willing to chip in my own money if necessary to get a dress that I felt comfortable in.  Also, if the dress that looked great on me was only $79, and another BM looked great in a dress that cost $129 I wouldn't care about the price difference paid, and definitely wouldn't feel any less important to the bride. 

Since you are set on yellow, the best suggestion I can give you from my experience is to go to DB or another store, pick the specific color you want, and say to your girls "pick any dress you want in this color, (maybe even designate a length if you want), and I will contribute X amount of money towards the dress you pick."  Trust me when I say that your girls will love you for it.  I can say that as a bride who let her BMs pick out their own dress from DB, and also as a former BM in a completely unflattering dress that fit me horribly.

aerinpegadrak

Ditto the others.  "I'll chip in up to $X toward any flowy pale yellow dress you like, just run it by me first."  That way they're all comfortable, you're being fair, and the look is still cohesive.

bananapudding91

Thanks, girls. (:

I know the day isn't completely about ME, trust me I'm not that arrogant. I'm trying to do what I can to make my girls feel comfortable while they're standing next to me on my wedding day, that's why I came here for suggestions. I haven't paid for anything, so I figured discussing it with people who've done it before would be a good idea before I did so. I do not want anyone to be uncomfortable, and I definitely don't want a mess of pictures showing just how uncomfortable they are.

I do believe I'll take trix's advice. That sounds like a brilliant idea! Everyone can get what they want and be happy, and no one gets special treatment. The only reason that is a problem is a girl in the WP is still a bit in the high school drama stage, and may consider anything more than hers a dig toward her (don'tcha love those attitudes?).

I'm not trying to force anyone into ANY dress. That's why I came here for honest opinions on how the dress would fit her. I'm a size 0, so I have absolutely no clue! I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable in any way. Yes, I like the dress, but I love her more.

Thanks again!

bablingbrooke

Good attitude!  Best of luck!

trix1223

Glad we could help! 

Norms Angel Forever

i'm asking my girls to find a black dress they love, doesnt have to be from a bridal range or any special designer. i know that it sounds easier for me b/c i'm using black but i've seen and been to a few weddings that the girls were in all different shades of the same colour palette. so put you $xxx amount towards the dress of their choice, but keep in mind they dont necessarily have to get it froma bridal shop... le chateau has some beautiful dresses
good luck and enjoy the planning process