Bridesmaids Dilemma

j9h

I am having such a hard time deciding what to do with my bridesmaids!

I have four sisters, my fiancee has one brother and a sister in law who I am close with.

One of my sisters is only 14. I am not close with her at all. Am I obligated to include her in the party?

I am close with the sister in law and really want her in my wedding party.

Of my remaining 3 sisters, I really only want 2 in the wedding party. One would be useless, she won't help with any preparations and will only complain about any dress I pick out.

Any advice? Can I have 2 sisters and my future sister in law? or does that just seem like a recipe for disaster?

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e9a70a28-19ed-46c8-8948-982044a64daaPost:27cf6a8d-9dae-45a2-8d1e-e92867baaceb">Bridesmaids Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having such a hard time deciding what to do with my bridesmaids! I have four sisters, my fiancee has one brother and a sister in law who I am close with. One of my sisters is only 14. I am not close with her at all. Am I obligated to include her in the party? I am close with the sister in law and really want her in my wedding party. Of my remaining 3 sisters, I really only want 2 in the wedding party. <strong>One would be useless, she won't help with any preparations and will only complain about any dress I pick out.</strong> Any advice? Can I have 2 sisters and my future sister in law? or does that just seem like a recipe for disaster?
Posted by j9h[/QUOTE]

<div>You don't have to have the 14 year old in the wedding if you don't want to. But if it will make it drama free to have her in the wedding, then you might want to include her.</div><div>
</div><div>And about the bold part....your bms don't have to help you plan. They are not USELESS if they decline to help you. The only person aside from a paid wedding planner that has to help you is your FI.</div>

mbcdefg

You're not obligated to include your sister. However, if it'll spare you years and years of her (and maybe your parents) whining at you about it, it might be best to just suck it up and include her.

You can include the sister-in-law if you are close to her.

You don't have to include someone you're not close to. However, it's really selfish and rude to say that you don't want to include her just because she won't be helpful with your planning. That's not the point of having a bridesmaid. You're supposed to include someone as a bridesmaid because you love her, not because of what she can do for you.

I don't know how your family dynamic works, but I'm pretty sure my mother would've had a shiitfit if I didn't include my sister. ESPECIALLY if I included a sister-in-law but not her. And also if I included only two out of three sisters. And I think I'd be really hurt if I was not included in either of my siblings' weddings, especially since I included them in mine.

And when you say that your 14 year-old sister is not close to you, and that she'd complain about the dress and not help you ... well, that's kind of par for the course for a teenager. I don't think this is the same case as if she was 35 and was just a jerk. Even if your sister acts bratty, I'd be willing to bet that she'd enjoy being a bridesmaid (if not now, maybe she'd be grateful for it when she's older), and she'd be very hurt if she was the only sister left out.

My opinion - unless there's a really good reason to exclude a sibling (and I'm talking about serious situations, like if they've been stealing your car or spitting in your face or are drug addicts), it's probably best to include them. All they have to do is get the outfit and stand in the ceremony. It's not like they're required to help you plan, attend/throw the pre-wedding parties or be your best pal.

But, not all families work that way. Maybe nobody will mind. But if they WILL give you grief about it, decide if that's a battle you want to fight. A wedding is only one day, but she will be your sister for a lifetime.

I think you should include all your sisters, personally, but that's your call.

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e9a70a28-19ed-46c8-8948-982044a64daaPost:27cf6a8d-9dae-45a2-8d1e-e92867baaceb">Bridesmaids Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having such a hard time deciding what to do with my bridesmaids! I have four sisters, my fiancee has one brother and a sister in law who I am close with. One of my sisters is only 14. I am not close with her at all. Am I obligated to include her in the party?

<strong>You are under no obligation to include, or not include, anyone in particular.</strong> 

I am close with the sister in law and really want her in my wedding party. Of my remaining 3 sisters, I really only want 2 in the wedding party. One would be useless, she won't help with any preparations and will only complain about any dress I pick out. Any advice?

<strong>Do not make decisions based upon who you think will "help out" the most.  The people you choose should be those with whom you feel the closest, those people you would call at 3am to help you bury a body.  They are under no obligation, and should not be expected, to help you plan your wedding.  You and your FI are responsible for planning your wedding.  Your bridesmaids are responsible for wearing the dress which you have all agreed upon and standing next to you with smiles on their faces for pictures.  Anything beyond that is not required, though they may choose to throw additional parties in your honor, if it is within their means and their desire. 
As far as the dress, you should absolutely be taking their feelings into account when making a decision.  You need to talk with them individually about their budget, and then work with the lowest provided budget to ensure everyone is accommodated.  The dress itself should be something in which they are comfortable and feel beautiful.  Expecting them to wear anything you choose without regard for their feelings and comfort, both budgetary and aesthetically, would be a cruel thing to do to your closest friends.  </strong>

Can I have 2 sisters and my future sister in law? or does that just seem like a recipe for disaster?

<strong>We don't know your family dynamic, so we can't tell you either way if this will have disastrous repercussions.  You are under no obligation to ask anyone to stand up for you, but since these are all family members, you may want to carefully consider this before making any final decisions.  If you were the sister who was not included in another's wedding party, would you feel slighted?  The way you yourself would feel in this situation will probably be a good indicator about how your other two sisters might feel.</strong> 
Posted by j9h[/QUOTE]

frogurt814

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e9a70a28-19ed-46c8-8948-982044a64daaPost:ae8b2770-cb75-455e-bd18-d74571806339">Re: Bridesmaids Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE] My opinion - unless there's a really good reason to exclude a sibling (and I'm talking about serious situations, like if they've been stealing your car or spitting in your face or are drug addicts), it's probably best to include them. All they have to do is get the outfit and stand in the ceremony. It's not like they're required to help you plan, attend/throw the pre-wedding parties or be your best pal.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]
Ditto this.

bablingbrooke

I think excluding your 14 year old sister is asking for family drama.  Girls that age are emotional time bombs, and excluding her but including everyone else is just asking for drama.  Ask her.  You won't regret it in the long run.  

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e9a70a28-19ed-46c8-8948-982044a64daaPost:f55b3338-2470-426d-a554-2e8f05aa6d67">Re: Bridesmaids Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I think excluding your 14 year old sister is asking for family drama.  Girls that age are emotional time bombs, and excluding her but including everyone else is just asking for drama.  Ask her.  You won't regret it in the long run.  
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Ditto. 

lalap69

What Brooke said.

Also, don't pick based on who you think will help you plan, and not planning YOUR wedding doesn't make someone "useless."

chyleina

I had a similar (kinda) issue. I didn't choose one of my sisters because she only calls me when she needs money. And the other sister is mad at me 8 months out of the year for something ridiculous. (currently, its because I lost a Halloween wig...two years ago.. lol) So I wasn't sure if she would even like me on my wedding day. I chose my two best friends (longtime) and one of my sisters. I know it wasn't ideal...but my best friends are the people that support me...so I felt like they deserve to be a part of my day.
I'm sure I will piss a few people off, and that's not what I want. Buuuut atleast I know they will show up and not ask for cash.