Wedding Party

Rude friends who assume they are in my party-- what to do?

I am recently engaged and I was so excited to start planning my wedding.  However, several hours after I was engaged and began telling some of my close friends, I soon learned that it not going to be as wonderful as I had hoped.  I have several friends that I consider ‘close.’  However, they are sometimes not the best of friends to me.  One, whom we’ll call ‘Betty,’ lives with me and sends me nasty texts when, for example, I leave a light on when I got to work or when she thinks that I’m forgetting the rent.  Another, we’ll call ‘Emily,’ smothers me.  She constantly makes me feel guilty about being busy all the time (2 jobs, 20 credit hours). She texts me constantly, even though she doesn’t need anything.  A third, ‘Valerie,’ has a very strong personality, but tries her hardest to get along with everyone.

I have a large extended family with who I’m very close.  I have a sister and my fiancé has two.  I’m in two weddings the summer before mine (‘Allison’ and ‘Nicole,’ best friends of mine from high school).  The problem?  There are about 15 women that I would like/who would like to be in my wedding.  I know that I’m asking the sisters (3 total), as well as Allison and Nicole (5 total).  I’d also like to ask my cousin, ‘Jessica’ (6 total).  I’d really like to limit my bridal party to about 7 people (That is already a large number).

Betty and Emily both assume that I’m going to ask them to be in my wedding. I’ve talked to both of them about my dilemma of too many bridesmaids, but they feel that they deserve to be asked.  I’ve discussed it with Valerie, who was very understanding.  She even told me that if I didn’t have room for her, she would understand assured me that I didn’t have to ask her.  I knew that she was a true friend and I really want her in my bridal party because she wants to make this process easier on me—she doesn’t just want to be a bridesmaid for herself.

I could concede and ask everyone, but Betty, Emily, and Valerie don’t get along!  I can’t hang out with more than one of them at a time because they can’t stand each other!  They each think that they alone deserve to be among my bridesmaids.  They are constantly asking me about the wedding in the context that they are already bridesmaid.  (For example, “What do you have in mind for our dresses?”)  Is this a common problem with other brides?  I’ve talked to some of my other friends and they are shocked that these ‘friends’ are acting like this.  If it was one person, I wouldn’t be surprised, but it’s TWO of them.  Emily has gone as far as threatening me and dropping hints when we’re around other people.  “She’s engaged and I hope I get to be a bridesmaid.”  We’re taking three classes together at school and she offered to share her books with me at the beginning of the semester.  We’re several weeks into the semester and she said that she’s only doing it to be a bridesmaid.  (I know that I need to buy my own and I’m planning on it as soon as I can afford it).

I don’t appreciate being bribed, threatened, and harassed over the matter.  Should I confront them and inform them that they are not going to be in my wedding?  If so, what do I say?  I still have to live with one of them (Betty) until July of this year and I don't want my life to be miserable.

 Should I just keep quiet and not ask them?  The situation is so overwhelming that it is making my wedding planning miserable.  I’d also like to hear if any other brides-to-be have experienced this and how they handled it.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards