Party Problems

S2K2012

I have been engaged for two weeks and I have three dear friends that I want to stand up with me at the wedding. The only problem is of the three, my matron of honor is the only one who is excited. My other two friends are single but I really thought they would put aside their feelings and be happy. They love my FH but were more than lackluster when I announced our engagement.
 
Should I give them time to warm up, or accept the fact that they just might not care? Let me preface this with my expectations. I didn't expect a tickertape parade however I expected more than the "Oh that's nice" that I received. One was even more interested in inspecting my ring as if looking for flaws! Please help ladies because I love them and wouldn't want anyone else with me on that day.

amber2123

Your wedding is five months away, things will be fine.  Just talk to them about dresses, and what THEY would like/can afford.  Other than that, there's not much they have to know right now.  And don't over do the wedding talk, they won't want to hear about it as much as you want to talk about it and it can turn friendships sour.

Beachy730

No the wedding is a year and 5 months away. 

Do not ask these girls yet.  Even if you know you want them, wait until 9-12 months out from the wedding to ask them.  If you aren't sure why, scroll through this board and the wedding party board and you'll see a ridiculous amount of threads from brides wanting to kick out a BM.

Other than that advice, I don't know what else to help you with.  You're overthinking your friends reactions.  if you are already thinking about how they reacted, then asking them to be BMs now is going to make you think about every thing they do or don't say from now until the wedding.  But you shouldn't be gaging your friendship over the excitement the expressed.

mbcdefg

Wait a while to ask ANYONE to be in your wedding. Wait at least 5 more months to ask, maybe even 7 or 8.

Ask your closest friends to be bridesmaids.

Realize that nobody will ever be as excited for your wedding (especially a wedding that's 17 months away).

Realize that the bridesmaids are only required to be your dearest friends, and their only obligations are to get the dresses and show up.

Realize how odd it sounds to say, "I don't want you in my wedding because you didn't show enough excitement over it."

stina93446

Have you already asked them? You have a long time before you even need to worry about bridesmaids. 

Your wedding is more important to you than anyone else. They're doing nothing wrong. If you say anything to them about their "views" on this, you'll look like a controlling bridezilla. Why not just enjoy being engaged with your family and your FI since your friends aren't so "oh my god, you you YOU!" 

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_party-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ea3c5ec8-440b-4627-a75a-b7c240187c92Post:f81334c0-a8a1-4138-bc21-49a64ddc6577">Party Problems</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been engaged for two weeks and I have three dear friends that I want to stand up with me at the wedding. The only problem is of the three, my matron of honor is the only one who is excited. My other two friends are single but I really thought they would put aside their feelings and be happy. They love my FH but were more than lackluster when I announced our engagement.   Should I give them time to warm up, or accept the fact that they just might not care? Let me preface this with my expectations. I didn't expect a tickertape parade however I expected more than the "Oh that's nice" that I received. One was even more interested in inspecting my ring as if looking for flaws! Please help ladies because I love them and wouldn't want anyone else with me on that day.
Posted by S2K2012[/QUOTE]<div>JIC

</div>

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_party-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ea3c5ec8-440b-4627-a75a-b7c240187c92Post:f81334c0-a8a1-4138-bc21-49a64ddc6577">Party Problems</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't expect a tickertape parade however I expected more than the "Oh that's nice" that I received. One was even more interested in inspecting my ring as if looking for flaws!
Posted by S2K2012[/QUOTE]


I re-read this part ... it seems awfully contradictory. You're upset that they didn't give you a better reaction, yet also upset that one wanted to look closely at your ring? Just what kind of attention were you hoping for?

Please realize that, throughout the course of your engagement, people will react how they want to react. It seems like you're really setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment here, by having some picture-perfect scenario in your mind and then getting upset when your friends and family don't meet those ideals.

Plus, unless she SAID she was looking for flaws, you're most likely quite overreacting. If she SAID she was looking for flaws, she was either joking or she's rude.

amber2123

My bad, I mis-read.  Ditto everything these girls said

trix1223

Your wedding is most understandably the most important thing going in your life right now.  For everyone else (except your FI and maybe your parents) it ranks about #496 on the list of important things in their life.

You are seriously overthinking the reaction that you feel you should have received to the news that you're engaged.  They're not "squeeeeeing!!!!1!!1!1!!!".  Why should they?  it's not their wedding.  They'll be happy, they'll be cordial.

But I have to be honest, if you expect people to start hopping around and squealing with delight over everything that is wedding related in the next 17 months, it's going to be a very long year and a half for you and for your friends.

Relax.  Relax.  Relax.  Your friends will be excited for you on your wedding day.  And that's really the only day that matters, isn't it?

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_party-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ea3c5ec8-440b-4627-a75a-b7c240187c92Post:63e9d2b3-e329-4b77-a95c-83c04d4f5972">Re: Party Problems</a>:
[QUOTE]Your wedding is most understandably the most important thing going in your life right now.  For everyone else (except your FI and maybe your parents) it ranks about #496 on the list of important things in their life. You are seriously overthinking the reaction that you feel you should have received to the news that you're engaged.  They're not "squeeeeeing!!!!1!!1!1!!!".  Why should they?  it's not their wedding.  They'll be happy, they'll be cordial. But I have to be honest, if you expect people to start hopping around and squealing with delight over everything that is wedding related in the next 17 months, it's going to be a very long year and a half for you and for your friends. Relax.  Relax.  Relax.  Your friends will be excited for you on your wedding day.  And that's really the only day that matters, isn't it?
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Exactly this.  The only thing that needs to be adjusted is your expectations, which are extremely unrealistic.

bablingbrooke

I don't think it's fair to characterize your friends as petty spinsters who can't hope to find love like you have and therefore won't muster any excitement because they're too jealous.  Surely they aren't so one-dimensional.  Bottom line is that your wedding is a long time away.  If you want people to be excited for 18 months, you're in for a very long engagement.

S2K2012

It's clear you guys are missing my point and it's okay. It was just a question, and the only people I expect to be excited for 17 months is my fiance' and I. Luckily he's right there with me!

lmasters15

I don't think its crazy to want people to get excited about you being engaged.  I kind of had the same thing.  When I got engaged, nobody really seemed excited.  I wanted everyone to jump up for joy and immediately start thinking about wedding details.  At first, I was kind of hurt.  But my two best friends are single and couldn't really understand how happy I was to be marrying this man.  If you want somebody to make a big deal about the engagement, do it yourself!  (I don't mean that in a mean way) That's just what I did!   I would make plans for all of us to go to bridal shows or dress shopping and then bake coordinating cookies and make a tablescape for the event.  (Yes I know you all may think I'm lame, but it was fun and got everyone more excited about it!)  They probably don't even realize you wanted a bigger reaction.  Maybe they knew the engagement was inevitable and weren't really surprised. 

This is just how I handled people's unexcitement!  I hope that helps!

MyNameIsNot

No one will ever care about your wedding as much as you do.  Characterizing their lack of excitement as jealously makes YOU look like the petty one.  

Not everyone sees a wedding that is more than a year away as that big of a deal.  Get over it.  It doesn't mean that they don't love you or that they are jealous.  It just means that they don't care that much about a party that isn't going to happen for more than a year.  That makes them normal.