procrastinating bridesmaid.

chrisandsarahwedding

So here is my dilemma. I have a bridesmaid who hasnt bought her dress. I know for a fact she wont pay extra for the fast shipping. I already made it clear I understand if she cant afford it right now(80$) or if she didnt feel comfortable with standing aisle arrangements(4 groomsmen, 5 bridesmaids). She seemed like she was all for it. It takes 20-25days to make the dress, and an additional 7-14days to ship. So it could take up to 39days. Is it wrong to give her a deadline or she will get the boot?
I already made a deadline of the 1st day of december. I guess that didnt mean too much. I feel bad but I dont want to be stressing about it anymore and I dont know what to do. I have 47days till the wedding. What should I do?

trix1223

If she doesn't get the dress, she's given herself the boot, and you're not the bad guy.  Let it go.

jennylove810

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_procrastinating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ea55d968-68ea-4836-8bce-babbb295c660Post:8270684c-a96d-4651-9eab-d98f0ce7e187">Re: procrastinating bridesmaid.</a>:
[QUOTE]If she doesn't get the dress, she's given herself the boot, and you're not the bad guy.  Let it go.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

Yep.  It's frustrating but Trix is correct.  If she can't afford/doesn't want to buy the dress, she has removed herself from your bridal party.

Granted, it's crappy of her to not speak with you about the situation since you obviously care about her enough to want her in your wedding, but still.  You can't force her to do anything.

MyNameIsNot

"BM, as you know, the wedding is on X.  The last day to order the dress with a $C rush fee is $Y.  The last day to order the dress to avoid the rush fee is $Z.  As we've discussed, I'm happy to help if money is the issue.  Just please let me know.  Otherwise, I trust you'll take care of this and have your dress ready to go."  

If she doesn't get the dress, she's removed herself.  There's no need for you to kick her out.  

Juliet212

Hmmm, I agree with others on here that she has kind of removed herself from the bridal party but I still think you need to discuss this again with her. Maybe there is other issues why she is not purchasing the dress. I find it hard to beleive that she accepted being your BM and now she can't come up with the money for her dress. Also, it puts you in a awkward position that you don't know what's going on for your wedding. GL!!

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_procrastinating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ea55d968-68ea-4836-8bce-babbb295c660Post:550593d6-1f68-459d-a6c2-c424323c9276">Re: procrastinating bridesmaid.</a>:
[QUOTE]"BM, as you know, the wedding is on X.  The last day to order the dress with a $C rush fee is $Y.  The last day to order the dress to avoid the rush fee is $Z.  As we've discussed, I'm happy to help if money is the issue.  Just please let me know.  Otherwise, I trust you'll take care of this and have your dress ready to go."   If she doesn't get the dress, she's removed herself.  There's no need for you to kick her out.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Ditto this.

Is she normally a reliable person, and this is out of the blue? If so, then obviously something is up. I'd invite her out for coffee and say, "Friend, I get the feeling lately that something is bothering you. Anything you want to talk about, or can I help you with anything?" (Try to leave the wedding/dress out of it.)

But if she's normally unreliable, flakey, etc., just give her the information like MyNameIsNot suggested, and then leave the ball in her court. Let her know that she is certainly welcome to wear whatever she likes and attend as a guest, if she doesn't want to purchase the dress and doesn't want to accept some help paying for it.

Also, once you give her this information, don't nag her/constantly remind her to get it done. Give her the info ONCE and then don't remind her again. You've talked to her enough about it, and if she won't do it on her own then the repeated reminders won't make her do it.

[Deleted User]

Ditto trix.

As long as you have made contact with her and give her all the necessary info, dates and timeframe, then it is up to her to order the dress. If she does not have it by the time the wedding rolls around, she has removed herself from the WP. Plain and simple And that way you won't look like a bridezilla or a bad guy for personally removing her.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_procrastinating-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ea55d968-68ea-4836-8bce-babbb295c660Post:550593d6-1f68-459d-a6c2-c424323c9276">Re: procrastinating bridesmaid.</a>:
[QUOTE]"BM, as you know, the wedding is on X.  The last day to order the dress with a $C rush fee is $Y.  The last day to order the dress to avoid the rush fee is $Z.  As we've discussed, I'm happy to help if money is the issue.  Just please let me know.  Otherwise, I trust you'll take care of this and have your dress ready to go."   If she doesn't get the dress, she's removed herself.  There's no need for you to kick her out.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]
This is perfect.