my bridesmaids don't DO anything!

forrma7

....but i don't really need them to!

my mom and i have been planning everything for the wedding which is great. my MOH is my best friend, but she also got engaged the same day i did (crazy coincidence) so she's busy planning her own wedding, plus she's out of state and works all day...so yeah we're both busy.

all my other BMs are extremely busy themselves with work or school, so i don't really share much with them.

my mom is throwing my bridal shower, so the BMs basically just get to show up....

i feel a bit bad for not having them be as included as much. can anyone relate to any of this?

ekilzer1

You BMs do not have to do anything! You asked this women to be part of your wedding because they are the people you wanted to stand up there with you to support you- You did not ask them so they could help you with everything!

If they are as busy as you say they are- they are probably relieved that you do not have a lengthy to-do list for them. If you do have a BM that seems hurt or bothered that you aren't including them more in the planning, you can find a way to include them.

See I ran into the complete opposite- 3 of my four bridesmaids REALLY want to help and be super involved... and I also have other family members who are dying to help. I can only dish out so many responsibilities!!! 

mgietler76

I have the same situation, I am planning everything and not really including my WP in the decision making process (with the exception of my sister/MOH) Trust me when I say that if they want to help or if they are able to help they will offer. I like to do all the planning my way and didn't really want a lot of insider opinions lol so I consider it a gift.

Amisslis

My FI, Mom and I are doing everything. The BM just have to show up. No one seems to have any problem with this arrangement so I am not going to waste time worrying. Just relax and don't create stress where there is none!!

bablingbrooke

This is what we call normal.  It's a wedding day, not D-Day, and you don't need an army of BMs planning parties.  My BMs did no wedding planning and threw the bach party, and that's what I've done as a BM (and will do next year as a BM in my BFF's wedding).  

I don't think many BMs will miss being involved in planning someone else's wedding, though I doubt many would actually say that.  So don't feel bad and enjoy!  Make sure they know how much you appreciate them being involved, since even "just showing up" requires a significant time and money commitment, and remember that the goal is to be married to your FI surrounded by your BFFs.  It sounds like that's what's happening for you, and that's just wonderful

marissa_claire

Yeah I haven't done too much with my BMs as far as wedding goes.  I still talk to them a lot like we would if I weren't getting married.  I occasionally send an update on dresses, or I sent an email last week saying if you want your hair done let me know to set up an appointment.  But I've done about everything myself and don't think it's hard, so it's nutty when girls come on here and act like assembling invites is soooo hard.

Robyn5298

I remember feeling the same way as you!  I had 4 bridesmaids and they all live on the other side of the country.  Of the four, one would check in with me periodically and say "are you sure you don't need me to DO anything?"  The other 3 were happy to be left alone.

They helped my Mom plan my shower, planned the bachelorette party, got their dresses and were there for me on the big day.  That's about it!  I literally sent maybe a total of 5 emails over the course of the engagement letting them know about hair / makeup options, the rehearsal, etc. but otherwise our friendships continued as they always had without being taken over by the wedding.

It sounds like nobody can accuse you of being a bridezilla, and that's a good feeling!  Your friends are lucky!

jagore08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-dont-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ebadec66-be78-4406-aff9-ccfd9512bb96Post:ee8f4751-8897-43f6-a5fd-55cb81c31d6f">Re: my bridesmaids don't DO anything!</a>:
[QUOTE]This is what we call normal.  It's a wedding day, not D-Day, and you don't need an army of BMs planning parties.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

<div>I am going to continue to use this quote... and of course credit you for your wisdom.</div>

vthorwesten

MY MOH WAS PISSED OFF THAT SHE DIDN'T GET TO HELP AS MUCH. She did research for us when we were first engaged which was great, however husband and I decided to go a different route after discussing it together and talking with my parents. We are very close to my parents and they have ideas too on how it would work best. She went on to say to me "I don't even know why I am in the wedding....It's seems as if this is ALL just about you and your fiance, and his sisters and your parents" WELL HELLO....IT IS OUR WEDDING!!!!

This should have been my first clue as to her thoughts on the whole thing. She had done various things throughout the engagement that caused me much stress, but the biggest thing was the night of my stagette. We had went for dinner (had alot more planned, but people didn't want to be involved/come because she was there. She caused that much tension and stress for me and everyone). 4 days before my stagette I ended up in emergency having surgery for a cyst on my tailbone. The next day we got a call from our reception hall that they had been shut down (8 days before the wedding), so as we were walking into the restaurant she said to me "With all this happening so close to the wedding (surgery and hall), maybe it's God's way of telling you that you shouldn't be getting married to fiance. You can do better"!!!!!! This was before the dinner even started and then the whole dinner she was talking about herself and her kids. My family tried getting her to stop (nicely) and let the night be about me, and then the next day she goes and tells me that she doesn't know what is up my families' ass but they treated her like crap. NOT AT ALL!!!!! Then the day after the wedding, she told me she couldn't believe how unruly my cousin's kids were and that it was disrespectful for them to take the balloons off of the ceiling and play with them. Like come on, we had 30 kids under the age of 10 there...... That is part of the reason we got the balloons. But her daughters were 'perfect'. So perfect they were taking cupcakes off of the cake table before dinner was even served! I could go on and on but I won't. I sure learned my lesson.

forrma7

bahaahaha ok thank you ladies

i will continue to not abuse my friends

i dunno, it just seemed weird to me that i wasn't finding it difficult to get things accomplished. sometimes i come on here, and it's like "omfg my MOH didn't get my shoes dyed the right color!!!!"

glad to hear that other people are just letting their BMs stand up there and be pretty. i'm sure they will be glad to help if i need it, but as of now, i'm doing pretty good on my own.

mbcdefg

I actually didn't want anyone besides me and MH involved in the planning. Nothing is more annoying to me than wanting to do things my way, and having 10 people standing around and giving me 10 different opinions on how I "ought" to be doing it.

"Too many cooks" and all that.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-dont-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ebadec66-be78-4406-aff9-ccfd9512bb96Post:70a3d96e-a21a-4b5d-bbde-17a890e48db4">Re: my bridesmaids don't DO anything!</a>:
[QUOTE]bahaahaha ok thank you ladies i will continue to not abuse my friends :) i dunno, it just seemed weird to me that i wasn't finding it difficult to get things accomplished. sometimes i come on here, and it's like "omfg my MOH didn't get my shoes dyed the right color!!!!" glad to hear that other people are just letting their BMs stand up there and be pretty. i'm sure they will be glad to help if i need it, but as of now, i'm doing pretty good on my own.
Posted by forrma7[/QUOTE]
You've discovered the secret the wedding industry doesn't want you to know: Wedding planning is only as stressful as you make it.  Congrats :)

CaylaSummer

Hey there,

yeah i know what you mean. i have 4 BMs and MOH and so far the only thing that we have really talked about was their dress. Other than that no one has offered to help. I'm having my engagement party next week most of them will be there and possibly except one because for some reason because she got confused with the date duh? 

I never really asked them for help since at this point there is really  nothing that they can do. I'm still in the process of booking my vendors. They too are really busy and we all work different hours so for me its a pain to get everyone together to even try on some dresses. Plus I like to do things my way and sometimes when you have so many people giving you advice it gets overwhelming.

If you want their help just ask them if they are not free to do so, don't sweat it. Hopefully on your wedding day, you will feel more 'supported'